To Fix You
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: They had planned everything with the disturbing logic that defined their couple; easily, naturally. Except they had not assumed that life would see it differently. Sequel to "Double Six" although if you haven't read that one and are in a baby mood, you will have no problem to follow this story. Pre-established Rizzles, maternity/motherhood related.
1. This Stranger I Am

**Chapter one**

"_I am sorry..."_

As the words hit her back, Maura closed her eyes and hid her face in her hands; trying to restrain these tears that were burning her throat, now. It was a bad dream, it had to be. Then she would wake up and everything would be perfect again; as it had been for the past few months.

Because it had to; all of this couldn't be true.

Her arm came to brush the sheet of paper that she had abandoned on the kitchen island as she had sat down there. The contact made her jump; out of an already old automatism. Her brain assimilating it to danger. She didn't want to see it, never again. What for, anyway? The series of numbers was now in her head; engraved there with an icy bitterness. She wouldn't be able to forget.

Then the question came up – all of a sudden – without any warning, weighing on her heart. What if it was all a matter of statistics? What if they had reached – already – their maximal dose of happiness?

Since they had come back from Greece and made their couple official, everything had gone smoothly; with a disturbing logic and speed. Jane had moved to her house only a couple of weeks later and very soon they had talked about it, advanced the question. Perhaps and under other circumstances, people would have said that they were rushing into things but they weren't like anybody. They knew each other for years; their relation had always been strong, almost untouchable.

Besides, time was playing against them.

Very easily, they had come to the conclusion that Maura would carry the baby; because of her job, that was less risky. Jane would then adopt their child – _their, _the honey blonde shivered while remembering the plan – and their family would be settled. On time, at last.

Just like for any decision regarding their couple, it had come along very easily; logically. They hadn't talked about it yet with their entourage – as much as they had welcome enthusiastically their relation – but it was planned.

Everything was planned.

Until now.

Slowly – with coldness – Maura opened her eyes back and looked up in front of her. She was facing the fridge; the sun of the end of the day reflecting on its transparent doors. Her figure was blurry from the stool she had sat on. Yet as she focused on the features of her face – the lines of her shoulders – she felt like observing a complete stranger.

Odd how a life could tip over within a second; how she had left home in the morning being another one whose soul and purpose were cruelly missing, now. As if she had died; out there, in a cold office while a scientist's neutral voice was telling her that it was already over; that she was sorry.

The sound of the main door being slammed made her jump of surprise; its loudness contrasting sharply with the icy silence that was going on in her head. She remained still; quiet.

"You know what? I think I should invest in a helicopter, or a private jet. Anything that would make me avoid this horrible Boston traffic. At some point, I even assumed that I would leave the car right in the middle of the street and finish the journey walking."

Jane's vitality hurt her. She had been like that, once. As a matter of fact, she was still like that a couple of hours earlier when everything was still going fine. But now this energy made her feel exhausted. It wasn't even jealousy, just the incapacity to properly follow it. Unaware of Maura's silence, the brunette approached the kitchen island and plunged her eyes in the honey blonde's.

A bright smile was lighting up her features, echoing the flame of excitement in her dark pupils. Maura bit her lower lip, feeling suddenly guilty. Awfully guilty. Reducing to pieces her own wishes was one thing but doing the same to Jane was another one. A foreign concept she couldn't bring herself to adopt properly.

Tapping nervously on the kitchen counter with her fingertips, the detective rose inquisitive eyebrows before trying to restrain an even brighter smile to appear on her lips.

"So... When can you start the injections?"

Long seconds passed by – heavy ones – and little by little, Jane's smile faded away; just like in the bad dream Maura had imagined. Shaking, the medical examiner opened her mouth to reply but something prevented her from doing so. All of a sudden, her vision became blurry as her lips were trembling.

A heart-rending moan stormed out of her lips as she stood up – the stool falling down under the brutal gesture – and she rushed upstairs in a whirl of stifled sobs.

Completely taken aback by Maura's unexpected reaction, Jane remained still for a few seconds; staring blankly at the spot where the honey blonde was still sat on a few seconds before. The scream had made her jump backwards; out of surprise.

Now her heart was beating loud; too loud.

As a wave of panic was slowly spreading over her whole body, she cast a furtive glance at the corridor that led to the stairs – the path Maura had taken while running away from her – but as her eyes focused back on the kitchen island, she noticed the paper. It was wide opened, the name of the clinic appearing in big, black letters.

She grabbed it before going through every single word with a meticulousness she usually only used at work.

Jane wasn't a medical doctor but since they had agreed on maternity, she had read every single article she could have found on the subject; helped by the scientist, of course. So it didn't take her long to see and understand – to feel an icy rush of blood passing through her veins. She swallowed hard, put back the paper on the counter and started breathing loud.

There wouldn't be any hormonal injection soon. As a matter of fact, never. it would never happen. The results were clear: Maura couldn't have children.

_Maura_. Within a second, Jane took the exact same path as the honey blonde; rushing upstairs and not stopping until she reached their bedroom. The door was open ajar, revealing the darkness inside. With a shaking hand, she pushed it and entered. The medical examiner was there – in a fetal position – on the mattress; sobs shaking her whole body in a suffocating silence.

Something hurt inside Jane's body; her heart breaking into pieces before Maura crying in silence, in the dark.

Very slowly, she approached the bed – positioned herself behind the blonde – and delicately brushed her shoulder. Maura turned around immediately – accepting the invitation in silence – and abandoned herself to Jane's arms; her tears disappearing in the depths of the brunette's neck.

Without a word, Jane planted a kiss on top of the scientist's head before passing her legs over hers in a protective attempt; holding her tight.

So tight.


	2. Nobody Knows

_**Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews; I promise it won't be that dark from the beginning to the end.**_

_**...**_

**Chapter two**

"If something's wrong, you know where to find me. Or just go home, okay?"

The green tea burned her lips as she took a sip of the hot beverage and looked up at Jane in the middle of the street. She hadn't wanted to stay at home, too afraid the emptiness and silence of the house would end up weighing on her dark mind; her fragile heart. She needed to focus on something else or at least pretend so.

Anything to fool her brain.

"I'm fine... I'm perfectly fine, Jane. I'm not sick, you know."

No, indeed. She wasn't sick but dead; if only on a biological level. Her body had ceased to serve one of the main purposes of human beings. Just like that – quietly – without any warning.

She had become pointless.

Obviously worried and unconvinced, the detective nodded then leaned over to plant a light kiss on the corner of her lips. Out of automatism, a lovely habit Maura had suddenly a hard time to deal with.

They climbed the stairs in front of the building – entered the hall of the BPD – and went separate ways as they reached the elevators. Like any morning, as if nothing had happened the day before. Except it had and something had got broken in their routine; something had got bruised and smashed down.

They hadn't talked about it. Once Maura had fallen asleep in her arms, Jane had remained still – in the darkness of the bedroom – trying to analyze everything. She hadn't come to any conclusion. As if a blurry veil of doubts and incomprehension had spread over her life; _their _life. The medical results could not have been less expected. The honey blonde had never had any specific issue. She was supposed to be just fine; and healthy.

It had all happened insidiously. And it hurt, now.

...

The low temperatures of the morgue welcomed the medical examiner as she walked through the long corridors leading to her office. A quick glance at the autopsy room and she noticed that the first body had already been prepared by her assistant; the x-rays waiting on a table nearby.

She abandoned her purse on her desk then went to change into scrubs.

Her private bathroom was small – rather impersonal – but enough for its purpose. Absentmindedly, the scientist stepped out of her stilettos – unzipped her skirt – and took her shirt off; folding the clothes neatly.

Turning around to grab the black scrubs, she stopped abruptly as her gaze landed on the mirror on the opposite wall. She observed her reflection in silence, then swallowed hard when her eyes began to fix her lower stomach. With a shaking hand, her fingertips brushed the skin there; the thin, sensitive membrane.

The touch stirred up a thousand sensations – all more oppressive than the others – and made her breathe louder. Feeling the tears rush up, she turned around and hurriedly put on the scrubs before storming out of the bathroom.

Slightly stressed, Maura passed the doors of the autopsy room and nodded at her assistant. Two bodies had arrived the day before, from a car accident. She grabbed the file of the first casualty and checked the information written down.

_Lisa Barlow; thirty-three years old, Caucasian – approximately 125lbs, 5'6. _

Without a word, the scientist observed the victim's face. Most of people attending autopsies avoided such a gesture in an attempt to depersonalize the person lying dead on the metallic table but Maura liked taking her time to study the features – the jawline – and the delicacy of that odd serenity death left on faces. Even in the most atrocious expressions, she could find a note of peace; the last relief.

The brain appeared clearly on the x-ray viewer. Very quickly, she scanned the image in her head then passed to the next one. Damaged, the sternum nonetheless contrasted with the blackness of the rest of the x-ray. Her eyes went down slowly, down the ribcage.

She froze.

Her sudden reaction didn't pass unnoticed to her assistant who cleared her voice; standing quietly in the medical examiner's back.

"According to her relatives, the subject was ten-week pregnant."

The foetus appeared clearly on the screen; almost too brightly, offending. Maura swallowed hard. She had seen many pregnant women land in the autopsy room – she knew what she would find and how – yet the timing was for once rather delicate to say the least.

Without a word, she put a mask on and turned around to approach the victim.

The external exam went fast, her monotone voice exposing facts with professionalism; a perfect self-control that contrasted with the storm of feelings she was living inside; turning it all upside down.

She had to do it. It was her job. The first thing a medical examiner learned was to put aside any kind of personal feeling; no mattered the situation.

The scalpel seemed sharp between her fingers. She approached it from the neck – took a deep breath – but instead of pursuing the gesture, she remained still; the metal against the skin. Her hands began to shake as her vision turned blurry under the tears.

The medical tool slid against the body before landing loudly on the floor. She had let go of it.

"Excuse me."

Restraining her sobs, she ran out of the room in direction of her office.

…

Jane was desperately trying to focus on the report she was typing when her cell phone vibrated. It was hard to go on as if nothing had happened; especially when they hadn't even talked about it. They had to put words on it, to express their feelings and manage – together – to overcome it. The issue wasn't the ruined perspective of having a family – after all, they still could adopt or she could carry the baby herself – but Maura's sterility was tearing her heart apart.

As much as the honey blonde had never made of motherhood her priority, Jane could barely imagine what she was going through. You only realized how deeply you missed something the day it turned out impossible to reach it.

**Message: Maura**

I'm leaving

"Bad news? You're pale like a ghost."

Vince Korsak's remark took her out of her trance. Clutched to her cell phone, Jane looked up at the man and vaguely shook her head; shrugged. She didn't know what to say, what to do. Nobody knew about it; about their project to have a baby. Yet she needed to talk. She couldn't keep it for herself.

"N-... No... I'll be right back."

She rushed out of the open space and headed to the elevator; leaving his colleague behind, perplexed. She might feel the urge to talk, it had to come from Maura first or else she would assimilate it to some betrayal. The doors of the elevator opened, she stepped into in.

She would never betray Maura. She was physically unable to do it.


	3. If We Rush Into Things

**Chapter three**

"_Et voilà..."_

In a theatrical gesture, Jane put down both plates on the coffee table – grabbed her glass of wine - and sat on the couch next to Maura. She rarely said it out loud but she loved these evenings when none of them worked and nobody showed up uninvited. It was just the two of them; in the immensity of a quiet, peaceful world.

"It looks delicious."

Smiling brightly, the honey blonde planted a light kiss on Jane's cheek before focusing back on the dish she was about to eat. A week had passed by since she had learned that she would never be able to have a child; or at least carry one. Little by little, the tears had stopped falling – the latent pain on her heart turning more bearable.

The world had kept on turning, almost cruelly.

Without saying a word, the brunette pressed Maura's knee in a tender gesture; a comforting one. If an ordeal could ruin a couple, it could also strengthen it incredibly and it was exactly what had happened to them. Jane had been present – supportive – without being suffocating either. She had been perfect.

"Thank you..."

The words brushed Maura's lips before embracing the air softly, delicately. They hadn't really alluded to the medical results – the scientist didn't feel ready to do so – but for the very first time, she had felt the urge to express her feelings to her partner. If only through half words.

Obvious before the fact the honey blonde wasn't referring to the dinner, Jane turned her head around – plunged her dark eyes in Maura's hazel ones – and smiled shyly. The rush of feelings that had hit her during the past few days had turned out to be exhausting; even more since she hadn't dared to confess anything to anyone else. She was still feeling awkward before the news – disarmed before the distress which echo she felt herself – and sad. Mad. She knew though that it was a matter of time.

"I'll never let you down."

She was being sincere. Since the beginning of their relationship, the detective had simply followed the scheme of sincerity and trust. She couldn't imagine it another way and truth to be told, she was rather satisfied of the result so far. At the same time, it wasn't hard. Everything was different with Maura. It belonged to an old logic she fully lived yet could barely understand.

"I know."

Putting down her fork, the medical examiner opened her arms to the brunette before hugging her tight. Eyes closed, Maura focused on Jane's smell, the softness of the olive skin against hers. The heat of the body she now knew by heart and loved more than anything.

"How come you're drinking wine, by the way?"

End of the allusion to the past week – a vulnerable attempt to turn the page and go on – that Jane had to welcome with a laugh. Shrugging, she sighed then rolled her eyes.

"I forgot to buy beers at the deli."

When they had come back from Greece, Jane had wondered how it would go; if things would come up naturally. As much as they had been close friends, being involved in a romantic relationship was surely different and for a while, she had had doubts before her capacity to live it with Maura.

She had never dated a woman and her lack of experience had begun to weigh on her shoulders. Ridiculously enough now that she thought about it retrospectively.

They weren't different from the others. They argued, smiled, cried, laughed. Made love. They were the most random couple one could find on Earth but the sweetest she had ever been part of.

Cuddled against the medical examiner, Jane got lost in the movie they were watching. This week, she had had to choose one and for a reason she couldn't explain, she had picked up _The Bridges of Madison County. _At least with Maura, she didn't need to pretend she only liked action movies. Little by little, the brunette was building enough confidence to show a softer side of her personality; the one she tried to hide way too many times – mostly at work – because of the context she evolved in.

It was relaxing to let it go one evening a week.

As the screen turned dark – at the end of the movie – Jane didn't move. Instead, she kept on staring at the television; pounding the words, Meryl Streep's characters' decisions. What kind of person could go and make such sacrifice about her life? How could one renounce to love for the sake of others?

"What..."

Maura's question died halfway as she turned around – took some distance with Jane's arms – and came to face the unexpected scene of the detective crying in silence, still focused on the television screen. A few seconds passed by before the honey blonde to react; make a move. Slowly, her fingertips brushed her partner's face to sweep away the tears.

The delicate touch finally got the brunette out of her trance and as she turned her head, Maura smiled brightly; letting her fingers trace a path down Jane's face before coming to a rest on her nape.

Quietly, the medical examiner captured her partner's lips in a kiss.

She had missed it. As she closed her eyes and focused on the sensations stirred up by the embrace, the honey blonde realized how she had missed their intimacy. They hadn't kissed during the previous week or at least not like that; not with this typical – bewitching – mix of tenderness and desire. It all had been put on pause, all this part of their couple.

Soon, she deepened the kiss and let her hands travel down Jane's body. It tasted of the first times when apprehension melts into excitement. A shy, beautiful awkwardness over the least gesture. With logic – the reminiscence of old habits – she straddled the brunette and put more eagerness into the embrace.

It was all there – sleeping in silence inside of her – all these sensations of lust and desire that were now boiling again with an untold pleasure.

She felt Jane's hands on her thighs, making her shiver in anticipation. Subconsciously, Maura pushed against the brunette's lap; silently asking for more. But when the caresses reached her lower stomach, she jumped backwards and put an abrupt end to everything. Within a second, her desire had died in an old panic she had hoped forgotten. Breathing loud – her mouth dry – and shaking, she bit her lower lip before frowning, swallowing back her tears.

"I'm sorry."

She wasn't ready. Her body obviously was but her mind kept on telling another story. Her eyes found Jane's and she felt incredibly selfish. Atrociously guilty. There was no fairness whatsoever in what she made her partner go through.

"It's okay, Maur'. It's all fine, don't be worried."

The detective's words didn't seem to find that much of an echo in the honey blonde, though. Slowly, a frank panic as well as a veil of guilt were spreading on Maura's face. Jane shook her head vehemently.

Her voice resounding as soothing as possible.

"Having my way with you isn't the only purpose of my life, you know... This isn't why I'm here right now. With you."

Protection. It was all she could actually bring to Maura for the moment. It didn't satisfy her but deep inside, Jane knew that she couldn't do much more either. So she held her tight – caressing her back softly – until the honey blonde's breath became regular and serene.

One step at a time. They would get through it.


	4. Confessions Bring Relief

**Chapter four**

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli!"

As her full name resounded loud in the cafe, the detective knew better than to pretend she hadn't heard and go on. Slightly mortified – most of the customers at that time of the day being her colleagues – she turned around and stared at her mother behind the counter.

When her parents had got a divorce, Jane had had a hard time with all the changes such a situation had meant; her mother working in the BPD building being one of them. But if she had to be sincere, it had quickly become a lovely habit. A peaceful reference in a life that was a tad upside down at times.

"What have you done again?"

Hands on her hips, Angela seemed concerned; and angry. The brunette shook her head then scanned the room, looking subconsciously for some help. She didn't have time for another pointless argument with her mother. She had come down to the cafe for a precise reason and that precise reason was only a few feet away from her already about to go back upstairs to her office; a cup of coffee in hand.

"Maura. I'm talking about Maura. What have you done to her?"

Something set off in her brain; a whole machine of feelings and chemical reactions: her heart began to beat faster, her mouth went dry. Adrenalin rushed through her veins.

She swallowed hard, trying desperately to push away a wave of panic.

"Why? What's happening to Maura? Where is she?"

The days were passing by and little by little, their peaceful routine had wrapped them up back. Just as expected, time was doing its job; easing the pain, resorbing scars. But everything was still fragile.

"I don't know, probably in her office. But the girl has been looking pale and sad, lately. What have you done to her, exactly?"

Ignoring the fact her mother assumed that it was her fault, Jane rolled her eyes and shrugged away the question. Bad timing, wrong subject. It would have to wait.

"You know what Maura means to me. She's family. So you'd better make her happy or else I'll have to draw a line under the perspective of having a doctor among our relatives and most of all, abandon the idea to have grandkids."

The end of Angela's sentence hit Jane quietly; deeply. The pain spread over her whole body but she did not say a word. Only clenched her fists.

"You know I support this relation, Janie. Don't you? I consider Maura as one of my children. Yet... You do nothing but keep your distance with me. Since you came back from Greece, you never talked to me. I don't even know how it all started."

The brunette bit the inside of her mouth, angry against herself. She wasn't the daughter a mother could expect and hope for. The relation she nourished with Angela had always been conflicted – precarious – and complicated. They weren't confidants. And she knew how her mother hated it.

"I lost a bet. That's how it started."

Turning on her heels, Jane rushed to Lieutenant Rebecca Dowel before it being too late; leaving a very perplexed Angela behind. As much as her mother was important, her priorities laid at another level for the moment.

…

For years she had dreaded this moment; facing the emptiness of a room – the coldness of a bed – by a lonely night. But now pillows were smooth in her back. The light was warm, inviting.

Because Jane was by her side.

Her eyes followed the brunette as she entered the bedroom; the smell of soap going up her nose. It did not take long to get accustomed to a few things, to make of them indispensable references. Details that once assembled, gave sense to existence.

She put back the essay she was reading on the bedside table and rolled on her side to observe Jane; her figure, the curves of her lips. The way her curls fell on her shoulders. Aware of the gaze, the brunette laughed; slightly uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

A peaceful smile played on Maura's lips. Shaking her head, the scientist sighed loudly.

"Nothing... I love you."

Jane didn't have time to reply. As she settled down in bed, she made a face and instinctively put a hand on her left side.

"Oh. Flexion of your corrugator supercilii muscle, tension of your orbicularis occuli and buccinator muscles can only mean one thing: you're in pain. Roll on your stomach."

Knowing beforehand that it was vain, the detective didn't protest and did as asked. Immediately, Maura straddled her – pulled up the brunette's shirt and slightly pulled down her underwear – before pressing on the ilium bone.

"I still think an x-ray would come in handy, Jane."

The day before, an unfortunate pool of grease had made the detective fall down on the asphalt. But if she had to be honest, the pain was nothing compared to the stifled laughs the situation had stirred up from her colleagues. Stubborn, she had refused any medical checkup.

Stubborn and too proud to pass – one more time – for the fragile woman at the office.

"I'm fine. It's just a bruise, Maur'."

The honey blonde's hands were now drawing invisible – relieving – circles on the flesh; pressing at the right moment to ease the tension left by the shock. Abandoning herself to the massage, Jane closed her eyes and remained quiet.

She was tired. It had been a long day, working late at night only to come back home and find Maura already in bed.

"I told your mother. About me... I told her about the... About the ovarian insufficiency."

Maura had avoided the words for over two weeks and all of a sudden, she pronounced it twice within a day.

They sounded sharp, and bitter.

She felt Jane stifle under her touch but the brunette remained still; her eyes now wide opened.

"She asked me if everything was fine. I can't lie. You know the rest... Anyway, it's not as if I had to hide it from anyone. There's nothing to be ashamed of, right?"

It had come up by itself at the One Division Cafe. The words had brushed her lips and she had felt fine, afterward. Perhaps even slightly relieved. It had ceased to weigh on her shoulders like a burning secret.

"Of course not."

Maura bent over – her hand caressing her partner's jaw – before she planted a soft kiss on her cheek. In a fluid movement, she settled back on her side of the bed; held Jane tight, a leg protectively over hers.

A serene smile on her lips.

"You'll take Arnica in the morning."

Her eyes plunged into Jane's dark ones, a question kept on resounding loud in the medical examiner's head; something she didn't dare to ask, if only because it was none of her business. Yet it had floated around for most of the evening.

Why had the detective been looking for Rebecca Dowel?

They didn't belong to the same unit and as far as the honey blonde knew, Jane and her were not even close. It all had come from Angela. She had said it casually but an alarm had set off in Maura's head; a latent panic rushing through her veins, telling her to be careful for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

She was jealous. Ridiculously enough.

Without a word, Jane settled in the depths of her partner's neck and closed her eyes; her lips brushing the skin in a stolen kiss. Maura turned the lights off and subconsciously began to caress the brunette's hair before drifting off to sleep; pushing away her shameful jealousy.


	5. The Passing Of Time

**Chapter five**

"You had already dated women, am I right?"

The question took Maura completely aback. As she began to blush – slightly uncomfortable – the smile on Constance's lips grew wider.

The woman didn't seem to care about the degree of intimacy it implied nor if she had chosen the right timing for such question. Instead, she casually took a sip of her red wine; waiting patiently for an answer.

"What is it that everyone wants to know about it? First Jane, then you..."

A few days earlier, the brunette had asked about it; about the amount of women she had dated. It might have been odd but as a matter of fact, they had never alluded to it. It had just seemed evident – as the dice had rolled out a double six on that evening – that she had a lot more experience than the detective on that field.

Which was true.

Maura hadn't minded and had casually told Jane. But with her mother, things were slightly different. It was awkward; complicated.

"Yes, I had. Although why are you asking such a thing? I mean... Don't take it bad but we have never really talked, you and I. Then all of a sudden, you are a lot more present in my life; giving me advices about Jane and I. Why do you do that?"

Hoping she hadn't sounded harsh but simply curious, the medical examiner focused back on her plate. Her mother had never showed interest in her, even less regarding her sentimental life. But since the last time she had come to Boston – since that night they had spent talking in her hotel suite – she had been incredibly present; if only through phone calls when she had gone back to Europe.

Three months had passed by since the summer and not only was Constance back to Boston but she had also insisted to take Maura to the restaurant. The sudden change of behavior took the honey blonde a tad aback; unsure if she had to give in or not.

"More out of curiosity than anything else, I'm afraid. I've always felt that you... That you might have a thing for women. I don't know why. Yet it's even more obvious, now. How are things going with Jane?"

It was tempting. This whole new relation with her mother was tempting for the honey blonde.

After all, it was exactly what she had always wanted and only found in Angela so far. Except nobody could catch up on thirty-seven years missed out within a couple of dinners. If Constance felt the urge to build a new relationship with her daughter, it would take time to make it sound natural enough.

"How do you live the fact that your daughter is living with a woman?"

If her mother played the confession card, Maura could do it as well. There were many questions that had remained unanswered through the years. Questions that burned her lips, now.

"I live it perfectly well. You know, the only thing a mother wants for her child is happiness. I'm glad that you overcame your fears and gave Jane a chance. She loves you and calms you down; reassures you. Besides, it's time for you to live a serious relationship... And perhaps make of me a grandmother too."

The timidity with which Constance had pronounced her last sentence had been lovely but it nonetheless made Maura freeze. What was it with people and maternity? It seemed like – since she had got her medical results – every single subject was related to babies. Unless she was the one focusing on it. Obsessing on it.

Her sudden change of reaction didn't pass unnoticed to her mother who frowned; worried.

"Did I say something wrong? You don't want children? I know that the two of you aren't leading a very conventional existence but I can assure you that becoming a mother is the most wonderful thing in the world. All of a sudden, it brightens your days and gives a new sense to everything. Your priorities turn different and... It's just unique."

Maura swallowed hard. She knew this. She knew it too well as a matter of fact. If until now the desire of maternity had only come by waves, since she had settled with Jane it had turned to be an evidence.

"I can't have children. I suffer from an ovarian insufficiency."

Long seconds passed by during which none of them dared to talk. The silence was heavy, weighing on their shoulders as Constance was desperately looking for some comforting words while Maura tried to hold back her tears.

"I'm sorry. I... Have you known for a long time?"

She hated talking about it. Even with Jane, the honey blonde did her best to avoid the subject. It made her uncomfortable especially when all she wanted was to turn the page once and for all.

"Three weeks. I went for a medical checkup for an potential IVF. The results turned out to be quite bad. It won't happen. I will never have a child."

The contact of her mother's hand on hers startled her but she let her do; yet avoiding her gaze. She had had her period, the day before. The first time since the medical results. A cruel way to remind her that appearances weren't to be trusted all the time.

"Oh, Maura. You should have called me... Yet don't give up the idea if you want to have children. Jane can have the baby or..."

A bitter laugh escaped from her mouth, making Constance stop immediately. Exasperated, Maura rolled her eyes then shook her head.

"Damn, she is a cop! Do you know how dangerous this job is? She can get shot anytime, she... Every single day when she leaves, I'm not sure to find her back and alive in the evening. This isn't a life for a child; even less for a pregnancy."

Constance had leaned over the table in a subconscious attempt to get closer to the medical examiner; in a gesture of confidence.

"Anyone can die at any moment, Maura. As for the pregnancy, it is barely the matter of a few months. What are a few months off the job in a life? You can't go on like that. With this weight of guilt on your chest and the sentiment to have failed over..."

The words hit her hard. Too hard. She snapped back immediately.

"Stop it! What do you know about all this, anyway? What do you know about the way I feel?"

She regretted it right away; as soon as her anger melted in the realization of the context, of whom she was talking to. Deeply sorry, she bit her lower lip and turned her head around to avoid her mother's sad – hurt – gaze on her.

"Unfortunately, I know way too well the pain we feel when we learn that we will never experience the slightest pregnancy... I know how shattered we feel; how broken we are left. Yet reconstructing myself wasn't just a dream. I got it."

Slowly, Maura's hazel eyes found back Constance's.

"How?"

Her voice had disappeared in a whisper of despair and apologies to which her mother responded with a bright smile.

"You. Your adoption fixed me."

...

As she passed the door of her house a couple of hours later and saw Jane sat on the couch with Angela, Maura's heart warmed up. Suddenly. Abandoning her bag on the floor, the honey blonde took her shoes off and walked – barefoot – to both women smiling at her.

In a barely contained relief, she let herself fall down on the sofa then planted a soft kiss on Jane's lips; her thumb caressing her partner's jawline in the gesture.

"How did it go?"

Divided, Maura made a face and looked at her lap.

"I... Might not have been the perfect daughter all the time, to be honest. But still, she accepted – against all expectations – my Thanksgiving invitation."

If Jane pressed her hand in a supportive gesture, it turned out to be Angela whom the medical examiner looked at. As much as Maura never really said it out loud, the detective's mother was aware of the role she was playing for the blonde; the regrets the scientist nourished towards Constance.

Without a word, Angela took Maura in her arms to hold her tight; glad the situation between the honey blonde and her mother was getting better. Little by little. With the passing of time.


	6. Leaving It All Behind

**Chapter 6**

"Oh no!"

Gutted, Maura pressed her hand against the closed door and let it slide against it; observing her face on the glass window. For long seconds, she didn't move; holding tightly over her head the newspapers she had grabbed before stepping out of her car as she had realized that she had forgotten her umbrella.

It was pouring – the icy rain drops of November sliding along her nape, running along her spine in that very uncomfortable feeling; sticking to her damp clothes. Knowing that Jane had insisted for her to be back home by 5pm, she had rushed out of the office only to get stuck in traffic. And there she was, now; in front of Beacon Hill florist's closed door.

Buying flowers to Jane had been part of her plan. As a matter of fact, it had constituted the only plan she had in mind. After the argument they had had the previous evening, it was the least she could do. But apparently fate saw things differently. Slightly desperate, the medical examiner turned on her heels and walked to her car. It was too late to go somewhere else.

Settling in her Prius, Maura sighed loudly. It had been her fault. She had let her jealousy explode in a whirl of ridiculous assumptions that Jane hadn't managed to ignore.

No, rectification: actually, it was Rebecca Dowel's fault.

As much as it had been unintended, Maura had had to face the same – recurring situation – for the last few weeks. At times when she tried to reach Jane, she was told that the brunette had left with Rebecca. To where and what for, nobody was able to say it, though. Slowly, a thousand scenarios had built in her head – embracing her heart – only to make her panic.

Was Jane cheating on her? Too disappointed in Maura's incapacity to have children? At least Rebecca had a son and two daughters. Perhaps it was what had attracted Jane in the first place.

As the words – and doubts – had slid on the honey blonde's lips, her partner had looked at her as if she had just lost her mind. They had argued yet now that Maura thought about it, Jane hadn't told her why she had spent so much time with Rebecca.

It wasn't related to the BPD. She knew it.

Feeling guilty, Maura started the engine and went backwards to drive off her parking place – or better said the sidewalk she had parked on - but an abrupt shock stopped the car; making her rebound.

"Oh shit!"

Head on the steering wheel, the scientist closed her eyes and made a face before stepping out of the car again; this time not even taking newspapers to protect herself from the rain. As she reached the back of her Prius, Maura bit her lower lip. She had driven straight into a streetlight; the remaining of her Prius light scattered now on the ground.

She needed a time off; from Boston, from everything. She was stressed and the consequences weren't good at all. The past month had been intense - from her medical situation to hosting Thanksgiving that had turned out to be a sweet success - and now she was exhausted.

...

Soaked wet and flowerless, she slammed the door of her house - abandoned her bag on the floor – and looked up at Jane who was leaned against the wall in front of her.

"I scra-..."

The words got suspended in the air as she noticed the suitcases by her side. For a few seconds, her heart began to beat faster as the idea that Jane might have decided to leave her for Rebecca; like in some bad movie she would have watched at night. But then she realized that one of the bags were hers. Perplexed she stared at the brunette and frowned.

"What is going on?"

She was tired – had an awful day – and only felt like taking a bath before cuddling on the couch; glass of wine in hand. Facing another unexpected situation was beyond her force.

Jane finally straightened up before waving her hands – previously hidden in her back – in the air. She was holding flight tickets. With a barely contained excitement, she smiled brightly.

"We're leaving on a little vacation... Like... Now."

Maura laughed lightly, uncertain to understand. It was the middle of the week, she was supposed to be at work the next morning; like Jane.

"What are you talking about?"

Playfully, Jane made a few steps until she reached the honey blonde and passed her arms around her waist.

"Doctor Maura Isles, I have the pleasure to announce you that you are officially – and legally, I have taken charge of everything at the BPD – on vacation for the next seventeen days. Your plane takes off at 9pm tonight... For The Maldives."

Completely taken aback, Maura's eyes didn't stop coming and going between Jane and the suitcases by the door.

"The Maldives? Jane, it's... It's expensive."

Not that she used to talk about money but the scientist was aware of the salary difference she had with her partner. Such a trip was a financial sacrifice for Jane.

"I know. That's why I used your credit card."

A few seconds passed by; long, quiet ones. Then the brunette rolled her eyes and sighed out loud; falsely exasperated.

"It's a joke, Maur'. This is all on me. Now go change, you're soaked wet. We're leaving in twenty minutes."

Blank, the scientist didn't react as Jane planted a kiss on her forehead before slightly pushing her towards the stairs that led to the first floor.

Unlike some people, Maura liked surprises; especially in a couple. It broke the routine and nourished the sparkling feelings that sometimes time made fade away a bit too quickly. Yet she hadn't expected such a gesture from Jane; for so many reasons. Moved – still baffled – she turned around and looked at her bag on the floor.

"We're really leaving for The... Wait, you packed my suitcase? Sorry, but I need to check what you've put in it. There's no way I fly abroad without being sure I have every-..."

She didn't have time to finish her sentence – even less reach her bag. Jane grabbed her by the waist – lifting her up lightly in the air – before carrying her upstairs to the bathroom.

"You don't need much clothes where we go. Half of your bikini collection is in the suitcase so Maura, please, now go change."


	7. Just You And I

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews; don't be worried, the "case" of Rebecca Dowel will come back to be cleared very soon. If I introduced her, there's a reason to!**_

_**...**_

**Chapter seven**

Sat on the front porch of the bungalow, Maura took a deep breath and looked straight in front of her at the immensity that spread in the distance. A mix of blue – almost transparent, that the sun embraced in a delicate, unique way. Such a landscape elicited a smile on her lips and for the very first time in a long while, she felt at peace.

They had arrived the day before after a long and exhausting journey with a connection in Dubai. Once in Sri Lanka, another plane – way smaller, this time – had taken them to a pier in the middle of the sea where a boat had finally led them to the island where the hotel was settled.

There wasn't any building whatsoever, just an ensemble of stilt houses by the three beaches that defined the island in itself; not a single sound except from time to time the engine of a boat, far in the distance. The wind caressed the palm trees in a soft lullaby while the sun embraced the heavenly landscape.

"Good morning."

In her bikini, Jane came to sit down by her side – imitated the honey blonde's position - and focused on the sea spread in front of her. They hadn't done much, the day before. Jet lagged – tired – they had just gone for a swim and rested on the beach or in the deckchairs of their bungalows. After all, they weren't in a hurry: they had all the time in the world to enjoy their stay properly.

Maura's hand slid on the brunette's waist – came to rest on her lower back – and she leaned over for a kiss on her partner's temple.

"Thank you."

Extra words weren't needed. The scientist knew perfectly well the reason of this unexpected trip; why Jane had literally dragged her away from Boston. It was the only solution for her to finally overcome all the stress accumulated during the previous weeks.

Since the moment she had learned about her sterility.

They needed a time for themselves – for their couple – to renew with their relation and complicity. Too ashamed of the fiasco of her last attempt, Maura hadn't made the slightest move yet to make love with Jane again. What if she froze - one more time – as their caresses would grow bolder? She didn't want to impose such a tough situation to her partner yet she knew that their lack of intimacy wasn't fair. Truth to be told, she missed it as well.

She needed to regroup in order to feel fine again.

"How about a massage at the spa of the hotel? Nice way to start the day."

Smiling at the detective's suggestion, Maura nodded and this time captured her partner's lips in a deep, eager kiss. Nobody had ever been as supportive and kind with her as Jane was being. None of her quite short relationships – as intense as they could have been – had turned this way, making her feel cared in a perspective of equality.

"I love you."

The words slid on her lips before embracing the air with a sweet logic. Not waiting for a reply, Maura stood up and took the stairs down that led straight into the transparent waters. Jane followed her.

A morning swim had never felt better.

…

All of a sudden, the beats of her heart resounded loud in her ears while the fluidity of her movements embraced the warm waters peacefully. She had never go scuba diving but when Maura had suggested the activity, Jane had immediately accepted. The Maldives were the perfect place to observe quite an amount of species; and the coral that surrounded the beaches.

Casting a glance at the honey blonde by her side, the detective nodded at her then made an okay sign.

The massage session in the morning had been a peaceful moment for both of them. Now relaxed, they could enjoy and discover the area.

A yellow fish passed in front of her. Suddenly, Maura grabbed her hand and took her towards it. Jane assumed that it was a rare specie. They reached the coral and still hand in hand, observed the silent show being played in front of them; conscious to witness a very unusual scene.

The multicolored fishes were coming and going, producing a rainbow colored dance in the transparent waters; lit up from time to time by the rays of the sun. For long seconds, both women stayed still; hypnotized by the submarine waltz.

They reached the surface – took their diving masks off – and stared at each other; breathing loudly.

The scientist passed her arms around Jane's neck – wrapped her legs around her waist – and smiled against her partner's lips.

"I have never seen something more beautiful in my whole life. I'm so glad it turned out to be with you."

Maura had this capacity to express her feelings very freely; if only in their couple. Jane wasn't and she always observed her partner's skills with envy. It took time for the brunette to give in – to confide and explain the way she felt. It took trust. She might have had a blind confidence in the honey blonde, she still had a hard time to open so easily.

And it was frustrating.

Back to their bungalow, Maura had lost herself in the contemplation of the ceiling; laid down on their bed. The sound of the shower softly rocking her in the background. As she closed her eyes, a thousand images made it to her mind; images of Jane and her: the day they had met for the first time, every step that had led them closer and closer until the day she had realized that for nothing in the world she would come backwards.

"A penny for your thoughts."

A bright smile slid on her lips as she turned her head around and looked at Jane sitting on the bed next to her; a towel wrapped around her body.

"When did you fall in love with me? When did you realize that you had feelings for me? Feelings that went beyond friendship."

It took Jane aback and slightly uncomfortable, the brunette settled down on the bed; arms around her partner's waist.

"I don't really know. One day I just realized that... That you had to be a part of my life."

The detective bit her lower lip. One more time, she had the feeling that she hadn't been able to express herself properly; that the real words – her true feelings – had stayed trapped somewhere between her heart and her lips. For long seconds, Maura remained quiet; still. Then slowly and without a word, she bent over to capture her lips in a deep kiss. A demanding one. Soon, the honey blonde passed on top of Jane; her thigh caressing her center in a suggestive way.

Breathless, they broke apart.

"Are you sure?"

She didn't want to press Maura, didn't want her to feel forced to do the slightest thing. Of course, she missed their intimacy but waiting to make sure that her partner felt ready was indispensable. Needed.

Maura nodded, swallowing hard before her lips brushing Jane's neck in a path of light kisses.


	8. Ava

**Chapter eight**

A warm breeze slid on her nape and woke her up slowly. Rolling on her back, Jane kept her eyes closed and took a deep breath. She felt fine. Serene. Light. As her fingertips brushed her swollen lips still full of Maura's kisses from the night before, she smiled. She still had the taste of the honey blonde all over her body; the softness of her caresses. The heat of her flesh and the warmth of her breath on her neck.

They had made love over and over; slowly, sweetly. Eagerly, as if they had been separated for years and had suddenly succumbed to a vital need of each other's skin.

Out of automatism, Jane tended her arm to wrap the honey blonde up but only came to face an empty bed. Yet she could smell her scent, impregnated in the pillow; in the sheet.

"Maur'?"

No reply. The only sound that came to Jane's ear turned out to be the sweet murmur of the sea by the opened French windows. The brunette opened her eyes and finally got up.

The sun was already high in the sky. As soon as she stepped out on the front porch, its warmth wrapped her up softly. Did people who lived there ever grew tired of such a landscape? One surely got used to a daily scene but as her eyes fixed on the transparent waters, Jane assumed that it was impossible to see it as a random view; no matters how long one had been living there.

She took the stairs down to the sea and turned on her right where voices were coming from. Loose bun and sarong on, Maura was in full talk with their bungalow neighbors; a baby in her arms. Jane froze but as the scientist laughed out loud, she slowly relaxed and went to join the conversation.

It was a young couple, probably from the New York area according to their accent. As she reached them, Maura smiled at her.

"Jane, this is Molly and Craig from Staten Island... And Ava, their daughter."

Grabbing the baby's hand, the honey blonde waved at the detective who couldn't but give in; in spite of the latent fear weighing on her shoulders. The main purpose of this trip was to help Maura in the idea of turning the page over her health issue and there she was, now: holding an eighteen-month old little girl.

If she had been asked about the conversation right after they left, Jane would have been unable to sum it up properly. They had exchanged random words about the island – the landscape – but Ava's smiles had won her heart within a second. The baby was adorable; big blue eyes and dark hair, doing just fine in this brand new environment. Reluctantly, she said goodbye to the toddler and headed back to their bungalow in silence.

…

"I want a baby. I'm sorry... I just can't help it. I want a baby. With you."

They had been cuddling in bed for long minutes when Maura's voice finally broke the silence of their room. Jane closed her eyes, absorbing all the urge that had filtered through her partner's confession; a desire that came from her heart. The detective buried her face in the honey blonde's nape and closed her eyes very tight.

She didn't know what to reply. Not that she didn't share the same desires but the context kept on hitting hard on her. Maura couldn't get pregnant – she herself could although at a high price – and adoption was a long and painful process that didn't always work out. Had they reached a dead-end path? She didn't want to think so; didn't want to believe it. It had to go alright.

"Also... Are we really supposed to go back to Boston at some point? I'm sorry to tell you that but I'm rather fine, here. And I wouldn't mind staying for a bit longer."

Humor. Maura had used humor if only to lighten subconsciously the implication of her previous words. Jane played along and laughed; planting a kiss on the scientist's shoulder blade.

"Oh, come on. I bet $500 that you would miss your autopsies and all these medical essays you keep on reading."

Guilty, the medical examiner checked the pile of books abandoned on the floor next to the bed. What could she say? Science was her passion. It had always been.

"I would give up on anything to see you walk around everyday wearing nothing but a bikini."

The remark made Jane blush. Her partner's experience with women gave her this self-confidence that she still lacked; although even with men she had always had a hard time making bold comments like this one. When in a relationship, she turned to be quite shy. If people had known, they would have been completely taken aback.

Without responding, Jane began to trace a path of kisses down Maura's neck; her lips brushing the skin in a warm, long caress. Noon was approaching and they were still in bed, obviously not about to get up and go around the island for a hike as they had planned the day before.

They had time, after all. Rigid schedules had been left in Boston and it they wanted to spend the whole day making love in their bungalow, it was their choice.

With an expert hand, the brunette undid Maura's bikini top and covered immediately her naked flesh with hot kisses; making the honey blonde arch her back, shiver.

At times, Jane wondered about her attraction to women. If she might have looked at one or two other girls in the past, Maura seemed to be the only one who had this effect on her; unless she owed her a whole subconscious part of herself she had denied until then. Thinking about it was confusing – even more when the eagerness she put in her relationship got the best of her.

She wasn't just in love with Maura. She was addicted to her; in a dizzy, bewitching way. Almost feeling the urge to pass underneath her skin to remain there for the eternity.

Later that day, they would watch the sunset on the beach. Without saying a word, rocked by the sound of the waves that crashed a bit further down their feet. The sky would turn orange before embracing a nuance of purple that would melt in a bright pink. And nothing else would have importance. Nothing at all.


	9. Life Is Made Of Gingerbread

**Chapter nine**

Absentmindedly, Maura's gaze went from the silent snow flakes to her suntanned wrist where a couple of cotton bracelets – very thin – had been tied. Jane wore the exact same ones. They had bought them on their last day in the Maldives; abandoning the sun and the serenity of the island to find back a full Boston winter. The contrast was sharp and as much as the sweet Christmas preparations wrapped them up in another kind of peace, they missed the strong and peaceful harmony they had reached out there.

As Jane put down the cardboard box full of tinsels, the honey blonde turned around and smiled at her. Her best Christmas memories came from the ones she had celebrated with her partner's family. Classic examples of social gatherings and traditions, from the meals they shared to the long conversations at night by the fireplace. There was nothing magic in it, just bare and true; realistic in all its imperfections that would one day turn into unforgettable memories.

"So golden, is it?"

As confident as if she were in an autopsy room, Maura nodded vehemently and knelt down next to Jane to open the box.

Compromises. If the detective was used to having multicolored – messy – Christmas trees, throughout the years, she had learned to appreciate Maura's meticulousness and tastes for a monochrome of tinsels. The result was perfect. Posh. Although she had to deal with the scientist's calculations to make it look as symmetrical as possible. As the blonde began to measure the tree, Jane rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to avoid a mathematical argument.

"Eggnog?"

Tinsel around her neck, Maura turned around to look at her and pouted; obviously unconvinced by the question.

"Tequila Sunrise."

Jane laughed yet grabbed the shaker to prepare the cocktail. It was a smooth Sunday; the snow falling hard on the city, recovering it of a peaceful silence. Her mother had gone to visit Lydia and TJ, none of them was on call. Coming back to their routine had been hard after the Maldives. Too different. But as usual, within a second adrenalin had rushed through her veins as soon as she had passed the door of the open space and saw a series of pictures hung on the wall: another case had started.

As the brunette poured the mix in two glasses, she felt Maura's hands slide on her waist. Soon, the lips left a trail of kisses on her neck; the blonde's hair softly tickling her skin. Jane giggled – turned around – and gave her partner her cocktail. Eyes locked, they cheered.

The bell door resounded loud.

'I'll go."

Glass in hand – unaware of the tinsel around her neck – Maura went to open the door. As she did so, her smile froze on her lips and she swallowed hard. Rebecca Dowel was there, standing on the frame.

"Doctor Isles..."

Taken aback, the medical examiner remained silent for long seconds before she reluctantly opened the door and let the unexpected guest enter.

"Hi, Rebecca."

Jane didn't seem surprised. Unless one more time, Maura exaggerated and succumbed to her jealousy in silence. Realizing that both were holding a glass, the honey blonde cleared her voice; tried to sound as casual as possible, and welcoming.

"Would you like... A... Tequila Sunrise?"

Since they were both having a cocktail, offering a coffee seemed out of place. Yet Rebecca shook her head and smiled brightly; making Maura even more ashamed of her latent jealousy. Perhaps she should try and get to know the detective. She had a good reputation at the BPD and seemed nice.

"Jane, I have the ad-..."

The brunette cut her colleague's immediately and pushed her towards the stairs that led to the first floor of the Beacon Hill townhouse.

"Come to our office, upstairs. I have everything there."

And with a kiss on Maura's cheek, Jane disappeared with Rebecca on the first floor of the house, the honey blonde remaining alone in the living-room. Alone and perplexed.

The fact she didn't know the reason of Rebecca Dowel's presence around made her feel stupid and in the way. Two days before – as she had made it upstairs to Jane's office for lunch time – and when she had asked where the brunette was, Frost and Korsak had given her two different answers. Unease, she hadn't insisted.

Sipping on her cocktail by the window, a few minutes passed by before Rebecca and Jane came back downstairs; laughing lightly.

They got along and so what? They were allowed to. Maura swallowed hard; smiled politely at the guest as she headed straight back to the door.

"Let's start this Christmas tree, now!"

Jane's enthusiasm faded away as she said goodbye to Rebecca and came back inside the house only to face a very unconvinced Maura. Slowly, the scientist looked up and locked her eyes with her partner's; bit her lips. Her breath suddenly became loud and she began to shake uncontrollably.

"Maur'... Why are you crying?"

The blonde shook her head; shrugged.

"I'm not crying."

But as she said so, a couple of tears fell down her face, pushing her to look down at her feet. Within a second, Jane approached and hugged her tight; slightly taken aback by Maura's sudden and unexplained reaction.

"Maura, talk to me. What is it? What's happening?"

Taking a deep breath, the medical examiner hesitated. The last time she had advanced something about Rebecca, Jane and her had ended up arguing. Yet she was tired of observing all these secret talks – all these comings and goings – without ever being told about any of them.

"Why do you keep something away from me?"

Maura felt Jane get tensed against her body. Slowly, the brunette took her distance only to lock her eyes with the scientist's hazel ones. She cupped the blonde's face with her hands and bit her lower lip.

For the first time, Maura realized that whatever was going on disturbed Jane as well. It made her panic.

"Ja-... Honey..."

They never used such nicknames. It surprised both of them yet Maura intended a pale smile to reassure her partner.

"I can't tell you now... I'm sorry. But don't be worried. It's all fine. It's... It's a surprise. You'll know soon I promise."

Maura nodded yet remained silent.

"Wait. I have something for you."

The detective rushed to her bag by the door – rummaged around – and took a little pack out of it. All smile – excited like a child in front of the Christmas tree – she tended the little present to Maura.

"It's for you. Well, for us."

Surprised, the honey blonde opened the small pack. Two gingerbread women were holding hand – very classic ones with a red and green frame.

The one on the left had Maura's name on it; the other had Jane's.

"So... We start this tree?"

Smiling brightly, Maura nodded.


	10. An Extra Chair

**Chapter ten**

"Maur'...?"

Jane's voice brushed her ear, soon followed by a light kiss as a pair of arms wrapped around her waist; a leg resting between hers. The brunette's body was hot against her back; comforting. Slowly, the honey blonde opened her eyes and turned around to properly face her partner.

"Good morning."

Her voice was hoarse and she would have gladly gone back to sleep for a couple of hours if they didn't have such a tight schedule waiting for them.

"Merry Christmas."

The scientist frowned as Jane tended her an envelop. They were supposed to open their presents with the rest of the family, for lunch time. After a full day at work, they hadn't done much for Christmas Eve; a couple of glasses at The Dirty Robber with Frost and Korsak before heading back home to watch some late-night movie; snuggled on the couch.

"What is it?"

Curious, Maura slightly sat up in bed and opened the early present; half-asleep. It was 8am. Angela would arrive in a couple of hours to help – unless it was to control as Jane kept on affirming – the meal preparation.

"It's a special present I wanted to give you before the rest; alone."

The medical examiner took the sheet of paper out of the envelop and unfolded it. Immediately, her eyes scanned a whole series of numbers that her mind analyzed professionally. It didn't take her long to draw medical conclusions over them although it is only when her gaze stopped on the patient's name on top of the paper that she froze before looking up at Jane with perplexity.

The detective was shyly smiling, waiting for a reaction. Biting her lower lip, she shrugged and cleared her voice.

"Since the results are encouraging, I can start the hormonal stimulation next week and then get an IVF by the start of the new year. I mean if you want to, of course... Do you?"

A thousand questions were dancing in Maura's head – none of them making sense. Seconds passed by – long ones – before she managed to articulate the slightest word.

"But... How about paperwork? You will be stuck at the office doing paperwork... You hate paperwork."

The least thing the scientist wanted was Jane to live her pregnancy like a torture; something heavy and painful that would drag her down and keep her away from her job.

The detective lacked patience. She wasn't made for an administrative position, if only for a few months.

"Maura... If it were the only way for us to have child, I would do paperwork till the rest of my life."

The confession touched the honey blonde. She bit her lips – trying to restrain the tears that were asking for nothing but to come out – and remained silent. It seemed like the world had suddenly stopped – all around – and they had been left alone in the warmth of their bed. A comforting place to survive quietly.

"Rebecca... She helped me, gave me advices. She's the only female detective – at a high position – who got pregnant at the BPD. She has the experience I lack about it. Her words king of reassured me. That's why I spent so much time with her, lately. She... She made me understand that I could conciliate both; my job and a family."

All of a sudden, Maura felt utterly stupid; and ashamed. During all this time, she had imagined quite a lot of awful things about Jane and Rebecca when both women had just done their best to satisfy all the family dreams she had thought vain.

Clutched to the sheet of paper, she cupped Jane's face with her hands and captured her lips in a kiss – a shaking one where the salt of her tears got mixed with the softness of her smile. Jane laughed against her mouth.

"I take that as a yes, then."

Maura nodded, realizing that she had never felt so light in her life; so happy.

…

"Okay. Now you can cut them proportionally to mine, still adding flour to make sure they won't stick too much once plunged into the boiling water."

To accompany her words, Jane placed herself behind Maura – took her partner's hands in hers – before guiding her throughout the gesture. The blonde giggled as she felt a kiss land on her shoulder. Tommy had just arrived with Lydia and TJ. All of a sudden, the house had been filled of laughter – loud voices – and the murmur of television that aired a football match.

Angela had momentarily abandoned the kitchen area to go and hug her grandson; leaving both women alone among the impressive amount of Italian dishes.

For the first time, Jane taught Maura how to prepare gnocci. The family recipe. _Their_ gnocci. Until then the honey blonde had only had the right to observe from a stool in a corner of the kitchen. But things got to be different, now. The scientist had reached a new stage in her belonging to the family.

Maura turned around – passed her arms around Jane's waist – and laughed lightly. With the back of her hand, she brushed the brunette's cheek.

"You have flour on your face."

Since they had awoken to the perspective of having a child together, both women had been walking on a cloud; a ridiculous smile embracing their lips. They had made love with an odd softness – some sort of a singular feeling they had never experienced until then, a powerful one – before reluctantly stepping out of bed to get ready. Yet their light mood hadn't abandoned them a single second since then.

As the last dishes were in the oven – a delicious smell spreading all over the house - the whole family sat in the living-room; glass of champagne in hand to start the festivities.

"Jane and I would like to make an announcement..."

They hadn't really hesitated about it in the morning. As much as nothing was done yet, they wanted to share their project with everyone. It seemed only fair, after all.

As Maura's confident voice pierced through the conversations, everyone turned around to look at her. Perhaps it should have come from Jane – since they were sat next to her siblings – but the blonde had just taken the toast opportunity to announce it.

Jane grabbed her hand; pressed it warmly.

"With a bit of luck, Jane and I hope that next year, we will have to add a chair here for Christmas..."

While everyone was congratulating them, Maura surprised herself wishing time could freeze on this exact moment. Then she would feed herself – over and over – of this warm sentiment to belong to the family she had always dreamed to be part of.


	11. My Little Moby-Dick

**Chapter eleven**

The last officers rushed downstairs and Jane suddenly faced the emptiness of the open space. Within a second, an odd quietness spread over the large room; the soft murmur of the computers rocking her in the background.

She had started the injections three days before and if everything had gone smoothly until now, today was the first time she had had to renounce to a police call. If she wanted to give the maximum of chances to the IVF, she had to respect a very strict schedule. Going out with the team would have been tough – this time – to conciliate with her next injection. As much as Maura had taught her how to do it, she still needed a clean environment.

The back of a car wasn't one.

Trying to compensate the slight frustration that was kicking in, Jane stood up and approached the wall where a few photos had been pined up. Very soon, she had to lean against the closest desk to rest her legs.

Side-effects had begun to appear as well, earlier in the morning. She was slightly nauseous and tired as if she had just run a marathon. Nothing alarming, though. She knew that it would happen; and that it wouldn't last either.

Her eyes stopped on a particularly bloody scene. The photo had been taken in an elegant house of some wealthy Boston suburb. A woman in her fifties had been found dead in the opulent living-room, ripped apart; her blood recovering the walls, its red contrasting with the pure whiteness of the paint.

Jane had seen these images so many times already that they were now engraved in her head. The slightest detail, the shock of horror in the victim's eyes.

The incongruous portrait of a happy family hung on the wall, in the background.

For the moment, the brunette refused to give in and stick to paperwork. A case was going on and a full team needed her. Even if this time she hadn't gone with them, she still could help; with some distance, thanks to the research done at the BPD and her sense of observation.

"What are you doing, here, Rizzoli? Everyone left. Shouldn't you be with your team?"

Cavanaugh's voice in her back made her jump. Shaking, she turned around and looked at her boss. She hadn't told anyone yet at work, preferring to wait and see whether the IVF would turn positive. Maura respected her choice. As a matter of fact, they had agreed on it rather quickly. Except now, she had to give an explanation to the reason why she had remained at the office.

Twisting her hands nervously, Jane looked on her side – subconsciously hoping for an escape – before swallowing hard. All of a sudden, a wave of hot air slid down her spine as her heart sped up its pace.

"Excuse me!"

Hand on her mouth, the brunette hurried out of the open space only to rush to the bathroom; leaving a perplexed Cavanaugh behind.

Cool water embraced her face, sliding on her cheeks; disappearing on her neck. Leaned against the sink, Jane slowly looked up in the mirror. She was livid, her eyes red and puffy. The door opened on her left, her boss appeared.

"Take the day off if you don't feel well. It's okay. You... You look very pale. I need my units to be 100% fine to give the best of themselves."

Her cell phone beeped. With shaking hands, she grabbed it and stopped the alarm before taking out of her pocket the injection kit. Staring at the small box she was holding tightly, Jane shook her head.

"It's not a virus, don't be worried. It's..."

She passed her tongue over her lips and turned around to lock her eyes with Cavanaugh's.

"We're going for an IVF."

…

The amount of books and essays opened on the coffee table oddly reminded her of college and the long nights she used to spend studying; alone in her dorm room. Taking a sip of her tea, Maura scanned the space in front of her; all these pages, these anatomical figures and Latin names were going to her head bewitchingly. She had always loved studying and even if it now brought a new source of stress added to her job, it was still a pleasure for her to read new scientific articles.

Laid down on the couch behind her, Jane watched basketball on television; her hand caressing Maura's hair absentmindedly.

"And what did he say?"

The honey blonde's voice resounded peacefully in the living-room, echoing Jane's explanation over the way she had announced to Cavanaugh that she was getting hormonal injections. Maura had come back home very late – stuck at the morgue for a last-minute request from the senator. The detective had had dinner alone yet was now enjoying the scientist's presence by her side. They hadn't seen each other a lot during the day. And ridiculously enough, she had missed Maura.

"He hopes we will have a girl so it will calm me down."

Maura giggled and chewed on the sandwich the brunette had prepared for her. Passing a hand on her nape, she leaned her head backwards and sighed loudly. She was tired and a huge planning was waiting for her.

Soon, she would receive a dozen of medical examiners from all over the country for a few of months. They would follow her actions at the morgue – the lab work – and her meticulousness pushed her to prepare the whole thing with a stressful perfectionism.

"Have a break, Maur'. I don't want to have and visit you at the hospital within the next few days 'cause you will have suffer from exhaustion."

Reluctantly, the honey blonde turned around and mug of tea in hand looked up at Jane. Her soft hand slid on her partner's; caressing the palm, the scars left on it by Hoyt. The gesture made the brunette slightly shiver but she didn't push Maura away and let her do.

"Are you still nauseous?"

Jane shook her head, a smile on her lips. The rest of the day had gone smoothly. Unless she was just getting used to it. Quietly, she looked how Maura brought her hand to her lips and planted a light kiss there while staring at her intently.

"How... How are you feeling?"

The honey blonde's question owned a nuance of timidity, as if she had barely dared to allude to it; even if her curiosity was picked.

After all, Maura would never get to know how it felt. She would never get hormonal injections; would never go for an IVF. Jane shrugged.

"It's like suffering from PMS only bigger. Also, I'm putting on weight."

Maura stifled her laugh by biting her lower lip but Jane nodded vehemently.

"I swear I am! My hips don't fit in my pants as they used to. I'm saddened to tell you that but you might spend the rest of your life with a whale, Maura."

The blonde sat up on her knees to be at the same level as her partner then leaned over to capture Jane's lips in a soft kiss; her thumb caressing the brunette's jawline along. As she broke apart, Maura locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones.

"Hmm... Then I will have no choice but to call you "my little Moby-Dick"..."


	12. The Most Unwanted Moment

**Chapter twelve**

Her fingers brushed the red circle – contrasting sharply with the white page of the agenda – and for the thousandth time within a minute, her eyes stopped on the date.

Tuesday, 4th. January.

If everything went fine – if science agreed – that day would mark an irreversible change in her life; the kind of events that she would remember, no mattered what; no mattered the year, the passing of time.

"Doctor Isles?"

Her assistant's voice resounded loud in her office, taking her out of her daydream abruptly. Looking up at the young woman, Maura nodded. Smiled. Could people notice the difference? Could people see on her face all the changes she was about to experience? A new life status, the most important one of her existence, perhaps. Probably.

Could they realize that – with a bit of luck – within nine months, she would have a child?

"They have arrived. As planned, they are waiting for you in the coffee room."

Closing her agenda meticulously, the honey blonde stood up – straightened her dress – and cast a last glance around her for no particular reason.

The medical examiners who would follow her work were finally there, in Boston. Anxious – excited – and curious, she hadn't slept well, the night before; like a first day at school, an addicting nervousness spreading over her mind.

Her stilettos echoed her steps in the corridor, highlighting the figure of authority she represented. Oddly, at times she forgot that she was the boss, there. The Chief Medical Examiner of the state, with all the responsibilities it meant. If once she had assumed that everything would change once she would get there, now it was obvious that she still saw the same woman in the bathroom mirror every morning.

No change whatsoever. Not even in appearance.

She pushed the door – entered the room – and all of a sudden, the conversations ceased. Eleven pairs of eyes stared at her in silence; half-intimidated, half-eager to share their professional knowledge with her.

"Good morning, everyone. And welcome to Boston."

She thought about Jane, a few floors above; probably working on a case with Korsak and Frost unless they were gone on a scene.

She thought about their morning kisses, their late-night conversations in bed before drifting off to sleep.

She thought about the way they made love; the way she caressed her partner's body and how they both shivered – biting their lips – as the exhilaration of their feelings took possession of their senses.

She thought about Tuesday, 4th. January. And the idea that – by September – she might find herself at the hospital holding a baby.

Her private life; her sentimental one. Could all these medical examiners guess if only a detail of it, just by looking at her as they were now? Unless they were led by wrong ideas; imagining she was married to a nice man and lived in Brookline.

It might have sounded stupid, but she felt like telling them – not hiding the slightest thing – if only to show the whole world how happy she could be.

"I'm sorry. I... I got lost in the building."

No one ever forgets a voice. It belongs to these characteristics that build people's individuality. Just like smells that allow strong reminiscences. It all comes back. Suddenly.

The feminine tone wrapped up the air softly. Way too softly. Maura froze, swallowed hard and clenched her fists; slightly panicked. Within a second, her brain scanned the list of scientists – mentally – as if a name had passed unnoticed to her eyes. She didn't find any. Uncertain and shaking, she turned around to face the visitor who had showed up late.

Long legs. Blond hair. Green eyes. Olive skin. Voluptuous lips.

Fifteen years later, Amanda hadn't changed the slightest bit. And as Maura intended a pale smile – out of politeness, hardly hiding her surprise – the scientist realized that some things would always remain alike.

Except for the wedding band that the tall blonde was now wearing on her left hand.

...

She stared at the ceiling without seeing it; her eyes wandering blankly from one side to another, carried by the waves of pleasure Jane's caresses brought to her body. Clutched to her lover, Maura abandoned herself to the intensity of the moment, the way her short breath matched the brunette's.

Amanda was married. To whom?

The evening before, the honey blonde had come back home slightly troubled; disturbed by the idea she would have to face for the next few months the woman she had managed – or so – to forget. Perhaps, if she had paid more attention to the list of medical examiners, she would have noticed the name.

And yet...

All she had was a series of addresses – morgues, for most of them – and the scientists' full names. Not even the college they had graduated from; nothing including their background.

A wave of anger rushed through her veins. Closing her eyes tightly, she dug her nails in Jane's back and spread her legs wider; giving more access to her lover's ministrations. Except as the ceiling disappeared from her sight, the image of Amanda invaded her thoughts.

She swallowed hard.

"Stop."

Surprised, Jane's lips abandoned the blonde's lower stomach; the breath brushing with its heat the flesh – there – still sensitive. Without any more explanation, Maura rolled on her side before passing on top of her partner; straddling her in a suggestive position. Slowly, she began to move against Jane's center.

She should have mentioned Amanda to the brunette. As a matter of fact, she had wanted to but as soon as she had faced her in the living-room, her courage had faded away and she had preferred to jump on her partner instead.

Sex was relieving.

And she needed to release the tension.

Suddenly, an alarm set off on the bedside table; making both women freeze. Breathless, Maura let her head fall on Jane's shoulder blade as a laughter shook her whole body. Two more days and they would be done with hormonal injections. At last. Apart from a couple of extra pounds, the detective had been responding well to the treatment. It was positive; they hoped so.

The alarm simply seemed to take off at the most unwanted moments.

Without saying the slightest thing, Maura grabbed the injection kit – prepared the needle – and with an expert hand, found the right spot on Jane's thigh. Not bothering to tidy up everything, she discarded the small box on the table and found back the brunette's lips eagerly.

She didn't have time to lose in medical gestures. Her body had other urges.


	13. Interacting With Human Beings

**Chapter thirteen**

Tuesday, 4th. January. Even now, Jane kept on repeating the date in her head, over and over.

The excitement she had awoken to earlier in the morning had slowly melted in a more abrupt reality; a latent pain in her lower stomach that made her grimace. Hormonal injections were over. The IVF had gone fine.

And now what?

Settled against a few pillows, Jane looked down at her stomach. It might have seemed ridiculous but she didn't dare to touch it; as if it didn't belong to her anymore.

For the first time in her life, her body was trying to assemble cells in order to form someone. A human being she might be holding in her arms within the next nine months. And somehow, the idea was slightly scaring.

"Here's your tea."

Carefully, Maura handed her the mug then settled in bed next to her. She had taken the day off, not just for the IVF procedure but also to take care of Jane. She might have not lived it herself, she knew how it worked; how painful the next hours could be. With a slight apprehension, she passed an arm around her partner's stomach before lying her head on the brunette's shoulder. She felt disarmed, pointless.

Not even excited as she had imagined that she would be.

Long seconds passed by – quiet ones – during which both women seemed to be lost in their thoughts; a thousand questions twirling in their head, bumping into each other without making sense.

"How is she in bed?"

In spite of Jane's voice sounding desperately casual, Maura froze as a wave of panic rushed through her veins; making her heart beat fast. Her hazel eyes focused on an invisible point on the edge of the bed.

"Who are you talking about?"

Blank. Her tone of voice had sounded blank. Almost fragile, as if she already knew the answer but did hope – ridiculously enough – that she was wrong about it.

Calmly, Jane took a sip of her tea before putting back the mug on the bedside table.

"Amanda. One thing leading to another yesterday, our conversation turned out to be interesting..."

Ashamed, Maura looked down at her hands; yet feeling the brunette's burning gaze on her. It had been a week now since the medical examiners had arrived to Boston – Amanda included – yet she had not found a way to talk about her to Jane. And now time seemed to have done its work by itself.

Against all expectations, the honey blonde's silence made the detective laugh lightly.

"Why didn't you tell me about it? Were you afraid that I'd throw a tantrum or something?"

Maura bit her lower lip and finally looked up at Jane. She seemed relaxed, even amused somehow. The scientist felt bad.

"Are you going to cheat on me? Have you cheated on me?"

Immediately, Maura shook her head with vehemence and murmured a confused "no". At no moment had she assumed that Jane would be so direct. It took her aback, leaving her even more disarmed.

"Then what were you afraid of? I won't prevent you from talking to your exes, you know. I trust you... But if someone ever does harm to you then I will lose my nerves. If not, then it's all fine to me... Who I am to tell you what to do and when?"

The scene was singular. A couple of hours earlier, they had gone for an IVF and what should have been a day about building a future together had suddenly turned into a light – or so – conversation about her sentimental life background. Maura swallowed hard.

"You're not jealous?"

Jane giggled then rolled her eyes before planting a soft kiss on the scientist's lips. She looked tired yet happy;just fine.

"Sorry but... No. I'm not. If you tell me you're not planning on doing things in my back then I have no reason to not believe you. Although if she makes a move on you..."

A smile slid on Maura's lips, a shy one. She let her fingers get intertwined with Jane's before holding her hand tightly. She didn't want to cheat on anyone. She wasn't here for that; even less now, after all the things the brunette and her were going through. Yet something bothered her and she didn't know what exactly.

"So now... Will you tell me how she is in bed or not?"

Maura scoffed and cast a glance at her partner's stomach. Perhaps the detective was now pregnant and the first conversation their child-to-be would hear turned out to be about her sexual activity with an ex she hadn't seen for at least ten years.

"Jane! Why... Why do you want to know about that? She's married now, besides."

Her falsely offended tone of voice made the detective burst out laughing. Obviously, she would have to face and answer questions about Amanda; no mattered what.

"What I know... It's somehow nice to finally be able to put a face on one of your exes; like, the ones you never talked about. You surely didn't go for the ugliest one."

Another cramp spread in Jane's lower stomach. Immediately, she frowned – in pain – and bit her lower lip to restrain a moan. Within two weeks, she would know if it had worked out; all these injections, all the changes her body had suffered from. The pain. The moral and physical exhaustion.

At least – unlike a few couples – the experience seemed to have strengthened even more the relation she had with Maura. They had never felt so close; so ready for the next stage of their life.

"See what happens when you ask things you shouldn't. You need to have a rest, Jane. Try to get some sleep."

Protectively, Maura planted a kiss on top of her partner's head then closed her eyes. Wondering what Amanda had exactly told Jane about their past. If she had mentioned everything or consciously skipped the darkest parts.


	14. The Vulnerability Of Human Beings

**Chapter fourteen**

"She wears the pants. I'm sure she's the one using toys. On Rizzoli."

If such comments tended to go on Jane's nerves, Maura found them rather amusing; if only because she had no problem to snap back at them unexpectedly.

Stepping out of her office – a smirk on her lips – the medical examiner locked her eyes with the men who had been conversing in the hallway; her stilettos resounding loud in the floor, with authority.

"And I'm sure I could teach you the art of oral sex so your partners don't rush away after a mere night spent together."

Without stopping by, Maura kept on walking down the hallway towards the laboratory; rather satisfied of her remark. When their couple had become official at the BPD, the honey blonde had known that it would turn that way; from time to time. Low – cliched – ideas about Jane and her. So instead of taking it bad, she preferred to see in them a source of light entertainment.

And another opportunity to establish her authority; well needed in such a male environment.

"I was wondering when the Maura I knew was going to show up."

If defying men and sexist remarks didn't scare her, Amanda's voice got a whole different effect on her. The scientist froze – swallowed hard – and turned around to face the tall blond woman.

"I haven't changed much..."

Why did she have to feel intimidated, now? Even Jane didn't understand, didn't mind about the context. And she was right. Maura had turned the page over Amanda a long while ago; in spite of everything. Although t might have been the actual problem: her complete lack of feelings towards the blonde.

It was disturbing, as a matter of fact.

"For some reason, I doubt that you would go horse riding naked again."

A couple of scientists passed by – looking at her suspiciously after having overheard Amanda's remark. Trying not to pay attention to them nor to the consequences such a situation might cause, Maura passed her tongue over her lips then shrugged; the medical file she was holding pressed tightly against her.

"I will always defend causes I find fair, no matters how."

Amanda smiled - the same way as Jane used to when she didn't dare to laugh at her remarks. It had not hit Maura until now but both women had points in common: the same personality, identical reactions.

"Everybody changes, Maura. It's all fine."

…

Reading the list of symptoms had turned to be ridiculous since she knew each of them by heart. Besides it was too early. Barely four days had passed by since the IVF and unless she was the biggest cliched of a pregnant woman, Jane couldn't feel anything so far.

Yet thinking a life might have been developing inside of her at this exact moment was obsessional. Not in a good way, though.

Whenever she focused on the idea, it made her shake uncontrollably. The concept in itself – of a living foetus in her stomach – was enough to stir up a slight panic. Then all she could think about was _Alien _and the infamous scene during which Sigourney Weaver gave birth to a monster. Perhaps, she wasn't made for maternity.

Feeling guilty, she closed the parenting guide and went to pour a glass of wine for Maura; avoiding to look at her very own and quite depressing orange juice abandoned on the kitchen counter.

She took a deep breath – the smell of homemade lasagnas stirring up her appetite – and passed her arms around her partner's waist before kissing her on the cheek.

Maura had been stressed, lately. Because of her job – because of the IVF and all the things it meant. Because of Amanda. That last point was stupid but there it was and no mattered how Jane tried to reassure her about it, it didn't work out.

"We don't even have toys for the children... And I would appreciate it if they didn't touch my skeleton medical model. The vertebra are fragile."

Jane rolled her eyes and abandoned the honey blonde's waist for her shoulders that she slowly began to massage. If people tended to assume that she was a nervous person, what was to say about Maura?

The scientist might appear as someone who was relaxed but most of the times, it only happened to be a facade.

"Maur'... What happened with Amanda that you are so stressed out? Rebecca's children are teenagers; they don't need dolls nor cars. They will probably just sit here and plunge themselves in their phones."

The honey blonde had insisted to invite Rebecca and her family over for dinner; perhaps because deep inside, she still felt a tad guilty for having assumed ridiculous things when she had no words now to tell the woman how thankful she could be.

Biting her lower lip, Maura shook her head. She looked defeated, quite sad.

"I did something bad to Amanda; something I shouldn't have done. I... Maybe I regret it, now."

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk about the blonde – Jane was even in her right to ask – but it brought back to the surface a thousand things she would have preferred to keep on ignoring.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad."

For long seconds, Maura focused on the brunette's smile; the way it lit up her features and always got to comfort her, no mattered what.

"I like it when you are being sweet with me."

The confession made Jane blush but as usual, she overplayed the situation and shrugged; falsely unsure before the answer she wanted to give.

"I don't do it on purpose. It comes up naturally."

This time, Maura laughed out loud; frankly. Openly. She needed to let go of a few things, to stop trying to control everything. Amanda belonged to the past and even if she had reappeared now, it was hard to say that she looked mad at the scientist. It was long gone and forgotten, perhaps.

Besides, it was all about Jane, now.

Hesitantly, Maura approached a hand from the detective's stomach and quietly – as if she were dealing with something very fragile – rested it there.

They barely dared to talk about it, just in case. It would hurt like hell if they rushed into things while at some point reality would catch them back harshly. The two upcoming weeks would be the longest ones of their life. The most precarious ones as well. Patience and carefulness were required.

Jane's fingers slid along hers before pressing her hand firmly.

This was what she loved the most about their couple. They didn't need to talk to understand each other. The mere gesture was enough. It went beyond words with a delicate serenity.


	15. The Odd Roots Of A Relation

**Chapter fifteen**

"You got married?"

Abandoning the contemplation of the wedding band, Maura locked her eyes with Amanda's. The One Division Cafe was crowded and somehow, the medical examiner preferred it that way. If it hadn't been for Jane, this face-to-face would have never taken place. But the detective had insisted, affirming one couldn't remain with unturned pages.

"_You need to make it clear, Maura. Or else, it will haunt you for the rest of your life."_

If Jane had this tendency to throw herself into things and situations without thinking it twice – being too impulsive, at times – she owned a singular wisdom when it came to one's romantic life. Besides, she had this ability to build a friendship out of a broken relationship. Maura didn't. She never kept in touch with her exes.

"As a matter of fact, we aren't together anymore. I just haven't found the courage to take the ring off yet."

The honey blonde blushed and bit the inside of her mouth as she realized her mistake. Not that she had a way to guess the slightest thing but still... Their conversation surely started with awkwardness, now. Moving nervously on her chair, she cast a glance at Angela who was standing behind the counter. The woman smiled at her; peacefully. Such a well-needed reference in a precarious context.

Amanda took a sip of her coffee before shrugging, slightly defeated.

She had accepted Maura's coffee offer immediately, with a barely contained enthusiasm. After long days of hide-and-seek – vain ones – it only seemed fair. Why ignoring something that no one could ever really forget?

"My wife and I... My ex-wife... We lost our twenty-two-month-old son. He drowned in our swimming-pool. It was an accident but we never really overcame it. It... It tore us apart."

A whirl of questions suddenly invaded Maura's mind, from the icy shiver that ran down her spine to a more intimate – personal – wonder; and what ifs.

What if it happened to Jane and her? Would they be able to overcome it together? She had assumed that they had already gone through a lot within the past few months but selfishly, she had forgotten that some people came to face worse situations. It made her feel bad.

Clutched to her mug of tea, Maura swallowed hard and repressed the urge to rush upstairs in order to take Jane in her arms.

"I'm sorry."

She didn't manage to say more. Words were staying trapped in her throat; all the things she had planned on saying. One more time, her courage had flown by the window at high speed.

Her apologies embraced – if only implicitly – a lot more than the sorrow of a lost child. With them came regrets, the ones she held for the behavior she had had in the past towards Amanda.

With a disturbing serenity, the blonde smiled.

"That's fine."

...

Her fingertips brushed Jane's nape – pushing away a lock of hair that the loose bun had forgotten – and her lips planted a soft kiss, there; on the warm, wet flesh. The touch elicited a giggle from the detective who settled further against Maura; her foot up on the edge of the bathtub.

Three days were left. Only three. The remaining lapse of time was short yet had never seemed longer; harder to bear. A latent tension was building up – electrifying the air – and before such stressful context the mere moment of relaxation was blessed.

They knew the process by heart; how Jane would have a blood test and three hours later, the painful – long – wait would be over. One way or another. What if the IVF had failed? What if it had worked out? Either way, the results would drastically change their life.

Too conscious of such pressure, Maura had waited for the brunette to come back home – after quite a long shift – to get a late-night bath ready. It had been a while since the last one. Carried away by their stressful daily life, they hadn't had much time to enjoy a quiet and intimate moment together.

Until now.

Maura straightened up and kept on caressing Jane's back – pressed against her chest – absentmindedly. In the morning, she would take part in a conference held by some of the medical examiners who were observing her work at the morgue. Amanda wouldn't be there.

Since their conversation at the One Division Cafe, their relations seemed to have softened a bit yet and for a reason she couldn't explain, something kept on disturbing Maura. Perhaps the past they shared in common. After all, once the relationship over, an odd link remained between two people; something a tad different from friendship, from any kind of relation, actually.

Unless it had to do with the swimming-pool accident.

Given the circumstances of their very own private life, Maura had preferred to not say a word about Amanda's drama to Jane. The timing could have hardly been worse for such confession over a child loss.

Besides, it was Amanda's personal life. Perhaps, the blonde didn't feel like people discussing all these tragedies she had gone through in her back. It was impolite; disrespectful.

"Does your lower back hurt?"

As if to accompany her words, the medical examiner let her hand travel down – under the water – her partner's body until she reached the hip bone and began to massage it.

If they had managed to not lose themselves in assumptions for most of the time, little by little a series of quiet wonders had finally hit the air – sliding on their lips – to melt into a game of maybe. The wait was too long to pretend that nothing important might happen. They needed to talk about it; more and more.

Unsure, Jane shrugged and closed her eyes as the honey blonde's hand started having a relaxing effect on her lower back.

"I've spent most of the day up and walking around, so it does hurt a little."

For long seconds, the brunette focused on a candle lit up on the edge of the bathtub by her foot. So far, she had absolutely no symptom of a pregnancy whatsoever. She knew it. Maura knew it. Yet none of them wanted to admit it out loud.

"That's because of your scoliosis. You have an angle of approximately 35°..."

Jane frowned, taken aback by the comment. She had never talked about it to the scientist and it wasn't something people could easily notice. Yet Maura had been extremely precised about it.

"How do you know that?"

Passing her tongue over her lips, the honey blonde smirked – even if Jane couldn't see her – then bent over to whisper to her ear.

"I've caressed your back enough times to know it by heart."

Jane smiled – blushed – and pressed Maura's hand; her thumb caressing it softly. Beacon Hill was quiet at night. Not a single car passing by, just the sound of the wind getting mixed with heavy snow drops recovering the city of a white – icy – veil.

"I'm scared, Maur'."

The words came out and her voice broke; swallowed by the silence of the townhouse. These three days would never pass by fast enough yet somehow, Jane wished they didn't for dreading too much the results that – no mattered what – would weigh so much on her life.

Protectively, Maura tightened her grip on the brunette – her legs tight against her partner's, the arms firmly holding Jane's frame – and regulating her own breath, she rested her lips against the olive-skined shoulders for a long kiss.

"We're going to do just fine."


	16. Stricking Without Any Warning

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews, I really appreciate them. For the confused ones, he last guest and Pickle did sum up Maura's state very well. **_

**Chapter sixteen**

Out of frustration, Jane ripped off her band aid – in a vain attempt to release the tension - and made a face as she noticed the bruise on her arm. Immediately, she rolled down her sleeve and tried to ignore the slight pain her abrupt gesture had stirred up.

"Do you want a dessert?"

Staring at the dish she had barely touched, the brunette shook her head; bit her lower lip. Her heart was beating fast – her mouth was dry – and her hands were moist. If she had thought she had been nervous at some point in her life, it was nothing compared to the state she found herself in right now. Bringing her fingertip to her lips, she began to bite her nail.

Maura had been right, though. They had done well to take a day off because she would have had a very hard time concentrating on her job if, after the blood test, she had returned to the BPD and waited there for the results.

Her dark eyes stopped on her partner's hazel ones; on the other side of the table. Maura had finished her dish; drunk down her glass of wine. She looked perfectly serene.

"How can you be so calm?"

Within an hour and a half, they would call back the laboratory to know about the results. Then it would be said – settled down; everything. Whether all these hormonal injections had been worth it. But in the meantime, the wait was cruel and stressing.

Playing with her napkin, Maura blushed and shrugged; barely restraining a nervous giggle Jane found utterly sweet. Cute.

"I don't think I am."

The detective smiled then looked on her side at the table nearby. Two men were in full talk over what looked like the plan of a house. Probably a lunch meeting between an architect and his client.

But suddenly, the room became too small; too noisy. What had seemed like soft murmurs until now had turned into dizzying roars of laughter. The clinking of glasses echoing in Jane's eardrums.

In an attempt to get rid of the unpleasant sensation, she shook her head and frowned. It didn't work out.

She needed fresh air – the icy wind of the winter – and the snow flakes caressing her face as she kept on walking through the streets of Boston.

"Can we leave, now?"

Maura didn't ask for an explanation. Instead, the honey blonde nodded – paid for the lunch – and stood up before going towards the door of the restaurant.

It wasn't a random day. As the honey blonde had awoken in the morning, she had remained in bed for long minutes – her eyes closed – trying to focus on her feelings.

It was _the _day. Their day. Blank, she hadn't come to a specific conclusion except some sort of fog seemed to have spread over her mind; preventing her from thinking properly.

And she hated it.

Coffee in hand, both women let their steps guide them in silence towards Boston Common; the sole of their shoes embracing the snow of a singular sound. A crispy one. The park was empty – enveloped in its traditional whiteness that contrasted sharply with the dark bricks of the buildings around. Lost in her thoughts, Jane barely realized that Maura had grabbed her hand to hold it tight; her thumb caressing its back. Instead, the brunette was focused on the past year; all the things that had changed. Drastically.

"What if we had never met? What if we hadn't crossed each other at the cafe, that day?"

For some reason, her memories had brought her back to the very beginning. A misunderstanding. They had got to know each other through a misunderstanding. The evolution of their relation remained blurry in her head. When had they become friends, exactly? When had this friendship melted into something deeper, stronger?

"Perhaps you would be married, by now. And I... I don't know."

Maura frowned, perplexed before the realization she had a harder time imagining what would have become of her than of Jane if they had never met at some point. As if she knew better her partner than herself.

"When did you realize that you were in love with me?"

Jane's questions surprised her a lot. The detective didn't use to allude to such subjects. On the contrary, she did her best to avoid them; most of the time. But it wasn't a usual day, a usual situation. Everything was different and perhaps – deep inside – Jane was looking for something more that would reassure her somehow.

"October, 14th. Three years ago."

The brunette stopped, baffled by the answer. Not because of the time that had passed by between it and the moment they had crossed the lines but because of the precision Maura had brought in her answer. It was unexpected, if only for her.

Amused, the medical examiner shrugged. A smile lighting up her features. Her cheeks were red because of the cold – her hair was floating around her face, carried by the wind. Jane liked these moments when the blonde had no control over her appearances. She looked bare, natural; perfect.

"All of a sudden, I looked at you and realized that I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone else by my side. That is all. I... I can hardly explain it. It just struck me, one day. On October, 14th."

Slowly – patiently – Jane pondered Maura's words, let them sink in her mind; in her heart. She had not seen the slightest thing. For over two years, the detective hadn't realized that her best friend might have had stronger feelings for her than the expected ones in the first place. She had missed it out completely.

"Why didn't you..."

An alarm on her cell phone made her jump. Within a second, she forgot about her question and took a deep breath; swallowed hard before looking up at Maura. It was time to call the laboratory for the test results, now.

With a shaking hand, she grabbed her phone and stared at the screen; unable to move properly. She did not own the courage to do it. All she wanted now was to throw away the electronic device and pretend that everything was fine.

"Jane..."

She dialed the number, waited for an answer.

A couple of joggers passed by them on the path. Without saying a word, Maura observed them; their multicolored clothes highlighting the whiteness of the snow. Jane was talking on the phone – only a few inches away from her but the conversation seemed to come from very far. Unless it was just her heart that was beating too fast in her chest; resounding loud against her temples.

"Fine. Thank you."

Jane's face looked blank – impassible – as she put back her cell phone in her pocket. Unable to move nor say the slightest thing, Maura simply stared at her; trying to analyze the mere detail that would give her an idea about the blood test results. Except it didn't; nothing came up.

Passing her tongue over her lips, Jane locked her eyes with the honey blonde's while long seconds were passing by; quiet, heavy ones.

"It's... It's positive. I'm pregnant..."

The whisper sounded more like a question than an affirmation; Jane's voice breaking under the oddness of the moment. For a while, none of them reacted. None of them moved. Lost in each other's eyes.

But new snow flakes embraced their faces – taking them out of their trance – and slowly, as if she were afraid to break her frame into pieces, Maura took Jane in her arms; holding her tighter and tighter as the seconds were passing by.

They remained still like that; glimmering tears in their eyes.


	17. The Foreign World Of Maternal Feelings

_**Author's note: thank you very much again for the reviews; feel free to post one, sometimes a remark can actually push me to add something in a chapter etc. As for Amanda, don't be worried. I'll come back on her. It seems indispensable now I've given her "so much" importance in the story. What happened between her and Maura will be revealed later in the story; at the right time. :)**_

**Chapter seventeen**

Politely – vaguely intimidated – Jane intended a pale smile towards the five-year-old little girl who was sat next to her; hands resting on the table. Three seconds were enough for the child to start screaming – making the brunette blush and panic. What had she done? Confused, the detective desperately looked around for any kind of help but nobody showed up.

In a subconscious gesture, Jane brushed her lower stomach. On the very next day, she would have her first ultra-sound picture and everything would start. Little by little, every single detail was turning more real; her pregnancy, the family she was building with Maura. Nothing was visible yet except the extra pounds she had put on because of the hormonal injections but she knew that it was there, inside of her. Growing silently.

It. The neutrality of the word made her shiver.

"Why... Stop!"

Her words resounded flat, vain. Rolling her eyes, she sighed loudly and restrained a frustrated moan. It wasn't that she didn't like children – TJ had been the biggest, happiest addition to her family – but there was something that always bothered her about them; that always made her feel awkward, not really at ease. That was why she had assumed that she wasn't made for maternity.

But now it had to change. Hopefully, it would come up by itself during the upcoming nine months and she would be ready when the labor started.

Pushing away images of epidural and contractions, Jane shook her head vehemently and looked at the little girl; disarmed. Defeated. She only felt like leaving the room and asking another detective to stay with the child. Where was the social worker, anyway? The brunette wasn't even supposed to be left like that – alone – with a minor.

Without enthusiasm, Jane grabbed a felt pen and tended it to the girl. Everything had been prepared: a couple of white sheet of paper, a dozen of multicolored pens. She was just there to babysit – as one of the rare female detectives, she was always assigned for this kind of situations – while waiting for her colleagues to arrive.

With a barely restrained force, the little girl grabbed the felt pen and in a gesture of defiance, threw it on the other side of the room before starting to hammer the table with her little fists.

"Stop your tantrum, for Christ's sake..."

All of a sudden, the little girl turned silent and stared at Jane with this typical unafraid gaze of children who used to win any argument against adults; the exact kind the brunette had a hard time dealing with.

"We don't swear."

Baffled, Jane took a deep breath – restraining the urge to snap back – and with all the patience in the world, tended a sheet of paper to the little girl.

"Why don't you draw something for your mother while she's being... While people ask her questions?"

The door – left open ajar until now – flew open and the social worker came in. Relieved, Jane stood up and smiled at her colleague, a mental "good luck" floating around as she left the room. She would need time to embrace her maternal feelings. If she embraced them at all.

"Witch!"

The little girl's voice - closer to a shriek than anything else - made her stop. She turned around, looked at her then swallowed hard.

She never felt so glad to find back her open space and its boiling life.

"Hey, Rizzoli. We're off in fifteen minutes for the Cormack case. Be ready."

She had forgotten about it. The day was long – and exhausting. All she wanted was to go home to enjoy a quiet evening with Maura. Perhaps watch a movie. Something simple and comforting.

"Let me go to the bathroom first, okay?"

The policeman chuckled, rose an inquisitive eyebrow. Hands on his sides – in this typical position of authority that cops adopted after a while – he couldn't help smirking.

"You don't stop peeing. You're pregnant or what?"

She must have stayed blank for too long – looking at him without replying – because all of a sudden, the officer blushed; embarrassed. As he began to mumble apologies, Jane swept them away with a gesture of the hand and smiling, stepped into the elevator as the doors opened.

The coldness of the morgue always embraced her of an odd feeling when she went down there - the smell of cold meat and metal - but she was one of the rare detectives who didn't mind about the peculiar place. Not just because of Maura but she also liked the quietness of the hallways; sharply contrasting with the noisy coming and going of the upper floors. There was something peaceful – oddly relaxing – around the laboratory and the autopsy room.

As she reached the anteroom, Jane stopped and looked by the large windows. Maura was there – in full talk with a few other medical examiners – over a dead body. At least the advantage of the blonde's job was that she never had to face tantrums from the people she dealt with on her table.

Maura looked up – noticed Jane – and waved at her discreetly. Not having a reason to come in the room, the detective went to wait in her partner's office.

The place was always tidy; everything responding to a meticulousness that only scientists could own. Yet as she sat down on the couch, Jane noticed a couple of new magazines on the coffee table; publications that didn't have much to do with forensics.

As Maura entered, the brunette waved one of the publications in the air; a smirk lighting up her face.

"You already got a subscription to parental magazines, right?"

Blushing, the medical examiner shook her head and went to lean on the edge of her desk. It might have sounded stupid but since their relationship had become official, Maura was a lot less daring at work; as if something bothered her. Public display of affection had become rare, discreet.

They weren't friends with benefits anymore. They had reached another degree; something a tad more intimate that she wanted to keep for herself.

"You can take it if you feel like reading it."

Jane's dark eyes focused on the cover; the joyful smile on the mother's lips, the way her baby seemed to be utterly happy. For some reason, she assumed that reality wouldn't look like that when she gave birth. If she gave birth at all; she wasn't unaware of the first trimester risks. The headlines announced – for a change – the classic debate about breastfeeding; the eternal question that seemed to divide society.

"Maybe another day..."

It was still a foreign world, for her. Something she didn't feel concerned about, something that didn't have much to do with her life. She needed time. She wasn't ready for it, now.


	18. What The Passing Of Time Can't Catch

**Chapter eighteen**

Sat on the living-room floor, Jane tended a strawberry and waited; perfectly still. As usual, Bass didn't move an inch, as if to play with her nerves. The tortoise only reacted properly when it was Maura who had in hand a piece of fruit. When the brunette tried, it never worked out. Then it set off a whole series of argument between both women; the scientist accusing her partner of rushing the animal to eat when Bass actually required peace and serenity to eat.

"I am ready..."

Maura's voice in her back made Jane let go of the strawberry. It rolled on the floor, only stopped by the wall. Turning around, the detective repressed a laugh. The honey blonde's figure had disappeared under a thousand layers of clothes, making her slightly look like a snowman.

"Where are we going to, exactly, that you felt like putting on half of your closet?"

Jane had come back to the Beacon Hill house later than Maura, starving. The day at the BPD had been long and rather intense. Yet when she had approached the fridge to prepare herself a snack, the scientist had prevented her from doing so because they were going out. To a destination that still remained quite unknown for the detective.

"For the hundredth time, it is a surprise. Now... Just don't forget to take your gloves and a scarf. If you get sick, you won't be able to take the usual medicine because of your pregnancy."

In a fluid movement – as if to defy Maura's last comment about her current state – Jane stood up before grabbing her coat by the door. Three weeks had passed by since they had got the blood test results. But a ultra-sound picture later - proving that everything was going fine - the brunette was still not experiencing the slightest thing at all. At times, she even wondered if science hadn't been wrong.

Perhaps, she wasn't pregnant; and scientists would realize it at some point.

The winter was particularly cold; the low temperatures contrasting sharply with the hot summer the city had gone through. Yet it had stopped snowing for a week and as Maura drove around Boston, Jane lost herself in the contemplation of the city by night; its icy sidewalks, glimmering in the dark.

Soon, multicolored neon caught her attention as her brain set off the whole machine of assumptions. A tad surprised, she turned around and looked at Maura.

"Are we going to where I think we are going to?"

A bright smile embraced the honey blonde's features. Without a word, she parked the car and shrugged. Jane loved when she bit her lower lip. There was something mischievous in the gesture, something that warmed her heart quietly.

"This is the kind of place I love going to at night."

The main alley was crowded in spite of the unusual season for an evening at a funfair; the cotton candy smell floating around in the light breeze, music echoing the million multicolored bulbs of the stands, of the rides where people were screaming out loud.

"Come on, let's have a toffee apple!"

Maura's excitement completely took Jane aback. She hadn't expected the blonde to like funfairs. It did not suit her persona at all. Yet the way the medical examiner's hazel eyes were glimmering proved the exact opposite: she was having a blast already.

"Don't tell me you actually love rollercoasters... No, wait. I'm sure your favorite ride is the ghost train, right? I mean, there are skeletons for this one."

Biting into her apple, Maura cast an amused glance at Jane. She looked relaxed, happy. So far from the professional mask she put on at the BPD. It was almost borderline to witness, now the brunette thought about it. Shaking her head, Maura pointed out at the complicated assemble of metal that rose high in front of them.

"The Ferris Wheel?"

She nodded before grabbing Jane's hand to guide her towards it. The line was long for what was one of the oldest attractions of the country. A classic that would never really die; far from the frightening rides around.

Subconsciously, the detective stared at a small sign.

_Not recommended for pregnant women_

Slowly, Jane looked up at the rollercoaster behind it. Soon, she wouldn't be allowed to go on such rides anymore. As a matter of fact, there were many things that she would have to put aside. She swallowed hard, realizing that she didn't like it at all.

After long minutes, they finally left the ground; Boston spreading below their feet in a trail of lights in the night. The view was breathtaking. Settling further on her seat, Jane smiled. It was a nice evening; an unexpected one.

A sweet idea Maura had had.

"Will you next take me to Disneyland?"

The honey blonde stretched out her arms, giggled. She wouldn't have been able to explain her gesture; why she had taken Jane to a funfair spontaneously. It had come up by itself, just like that. At times, she needed something light; probably to take distance with her job that was dark.

"The first time I climbed into a Ferris Wheel, I was five. My grandfather took me to Coney Island. By then, he still lived in Manhattan. I don't like attraction parks. But funfairs... It is different. They own a singular soul that not even the passing of time can catch."

As she turned around to look at Jane, Maura caressed her partner's cheek; softly. The Ferris wheel came to a stop midway. She leaned over to capture Jane's lips in a deep kiss. As she closed her eyes, the blonde assumed itt was the kind of night she would remember for the rest of her life; one of the best she had had so far.

She broke apart – rested her hand on Jane's stomach – and locked her eyes with the brunette's dark ones as she felt a wave of heat rush up her cheeks.

"Thank you..."

The words slid on her lips in an emotional whisper; tears making her eyes glimmer. It might be stupid but since Jane's pregnancy had turned to be positive, Maura had felt the urge to express whatever her heart had melted into. For days, she had looked for the right words; the closest ones to her feelings. In vain. The only thing that ever ended up in her head were to define how thankful she could be.

It might have been simple, at least it was sincere.

She really meant it.


	19. Our Relations

**Chapter nineteen**

"Do you suffer from morning sickness? I used to, especially when I was expecting Tommy. I remember a..."

As her mother lost herself in memories of another time, Jane tried to focus on something – anything – that would make her overcome the slight discomfort of the situation. One more time, she had listened to Maura and taken Angela out to the restaurant for a mother/daughter evening. The kind of thing they never did, as a matter of fact. And small wonder why. She had never felt so nervous in her whole life.

Chewing on a slice of bread, Jane smiled politely; waiting for her mother to simply stop the long and rather boring monologue she had started. Except when it happened, the brunette had no idea what they would talk about instead. It looked too arranged; not spontaneous enough for her to enjoy it properly.

"Anyway, soon you will have to slow down on your job and think more about the baby. Being pregnant means a total change of habits; especially bad ones."

The remark set off a whole series of reactions inside of her body; from the heart speeding up its pace to the uncontrollable shaking of her legs and arms. If Maura had been around, Jane assumed that it would have been all about complicated medical terms to explain the reaction of her body.

Except the scientist wasn't there and within a second, the brunette realized how she missed it.

"I will certainly not change the slightest thing for the baby. He or she will adapt to the situation. As you said, I'm pregnant. Not sick. I love my job. I love my life. Maternity doesn't have to mean sacrifices. Or if so..."

Angela scoffed and folded neatly her napkin in a vain attempt to hide her anger. If usually, listening to future mothers' naivety made her slightly smile – for knowing better herself – the fact that her daughter gave in the same game was a whole different story.

"If so what? You put an end to it? Getting pregnant isn't a game, Jane. It means embracing as well a lot of responsibilities; and growing up, once and for all."

The detective swallowed hard, suddenly ashamed of what she had subconsciously brought up. Not that she didn't believe in science but at her age, she barely reached 25% of chances to get pregnant thanks to an IVF. Yet it had worked, right away. It was somehow a miracle.

She should have considered herself lucky instead of adopting this negative behavior she had embraced for a while, now.

Besides, what she had just said wasn't entirely true. She had begun to notice changes, physical ones. It had become harder to run a long distance – her breath quickly turning shorter – and she had a hard time buttoning her pants, now. As a matter of fact, she had renounced to her jeans and only wore sport bras for the other ones being too tight.

She just had a hard time recognizing it properly.

As if Angela had read her mind, the detective's mother took a sip of her glass of wine and smiled softly before passing her tongue over her lips; vaguely intimidated.

"Have you gone maternity shopping yet? For pregnancy clothes..."

Jane blushed and in a gesture full of rage grabbed her soft drink to take a long sip of it; some drops landing on the table. Her silence resulted enough for her mother to understand that the answer was negative and surprised, Angela opened her eyes widely; shaking her head.

"You live with a fashionista and she hasn't even taken you shopping yet?"

They hadn't. Actually, Maura hadn't even suggested it. Her job at the morgue – besides the charge she had of receiving other medical examiners – had taken most of her time. The last moment they really had spent together was this surprising evening at the funfair, a couple of weeks earlier. Since then, they had been caught back in the stressful whirl of homicides.

Their routine was far from being idyllic for any couple life.

"I don't need anything right now. It can wait when Maura comes back."

Their dishes arrived. Glad to have a mini-break from the psychologically exhausting conversation she was having with her mother, Jane looked down at her plate and smiled. She was starving – for a change – and it seemed delicious.

"I can't believe she left for three weeks while you're pregnant."

Piece of meat in mouth, the brunette froze before Angela's comment then rolled her eyes, restraining a loud moan of frustration. She needed to change the direction of the conversation or else their evening would be a complete nightmare.

"She is on a business trip. Do I really have to remind you the importance of her job? Besides, I really can take care of myself – pregnant or not – during this time. I mean, how was I doing, before?"

As a matter of fact, Jane was enjoying – shamefully enough, perhaps – Maura's absence.

For the very first time in a long while, the brunette could take advantage of an empty house without any schedule to follow but her spontaneous urges. From meals to television programs, she was free; renewing somehow with her years of celibacy. Yet knowing that at some point, the person she was in love with would come back and she would lose herself again in her arms.

"Oh, please. Her absence doesn't let you indifferent. You miss her; or else you wouldn't have invited me to a French restaurant!"

Her mother's comment made her blush and guilty, she looked down at the provençal dish she had gone for and ordered; thinking by then how Maura would have loved her culinary choice.

"All I'm saying, Janie, is that a pregnancy can tear a couple apart and I don't want that to happen to you and Maura. It's a very unique experience you two are going through and you need to understand that. It isn't as it used to be anymore. You made choices, the two of you. Take advantage of this opportunity to seize life properly. You have no idea how lucky you are, honey."

Calmly, Jane looked up and locked her eyes with Angela's. Her mother was right and she knew it. As much as she tended – at times, most of the time – to exaggerate, her words had been enveloped of an odd, delicate nuance of truth; the weight of experience and regrets floating above in silence.

Smiling shyly, the brunette nodded and grabbed her mother's hand on the other side of the table to hold it tightly.

"I know... We know."

For long minutes, none of them talked and focused instead on their respective dishes. This was how it worked between the two of them; not a dysfunctional mother/daughter relation but a feverish one, led by a series of up and down waves that carried them away with strength.

"Still... Three weeks far from each other... Between you and your hormonal cocktail that must have stimulated your sexual needs – and don't tell me it's not true, I've been pregnant too – and Maura being on another continent..."

If the ground had suddenly opened in two to swallow her, Jane wouldn't have been happier. This wasn't the kind of conversation she felt like having with her mother; even less during the meal, even less at a restaurant. In public. It didn't have to do with Maura nor the fact she was in a same-sex relationship but she had simply never liked that.

"Men or women... They're all the same, Janie. If you happen to be with someone attractive – as Maura is - you should be careful of what might be coming."

All of a sudden – as her mother's ridiculous words resounded loud in her head – Jane thought about her partner, what her days must have looked like in Ireland. They spoke on the phone every day, met on a regular basis on Skype. The situation was temporary; they were fine with it.

Her wonders brought her to Amanda. She was there, too. Actually, all the medical examiners who had shared Maura's life at the morgue had gone to Europe. Nothing surprising, there; they all had signed in for an important international conference.

Amanda.

Jane shook her head, ashamed of herself. She trusted Maura; she really did. The least wonder about it was the most embarrassing betrayal she could give in. Pointlessly, besides. She had nothing to dread from Amanda. She knew it.

"We're doing just fine. Now, when do you babysit TJ again?"

End of the conversation. Jane needed to change the subject now.


	20. The Kids Are Alright

**Chapter twenty**

As she took a sip of her beer, Maura realized how proud Jane would have been. She hadn't gone for a glass of wine – her usual glass of wine – but a pint of Guinness. Except the brunette wasn't there to see it. Something hurt a little in her heart as she thought about it; something almost invisible that made her feel stupid.

What were three weeks in a life? Absolutely nothing. Yet for the very first time, the blonde was deeply missing someone. Her, the independent woman she had always claimed to be.

She hated it.

"And you, Dr. Isles? Is your dear one in the profession too?"

The international conference was going fine; interesting enough to keep her focused on the subjects. At night, the little group she had formed with other medical examiners – the ones she had welcomed a few weeks before in Boston included - used to go out for a drink.

Dublin was a great city. She had already been there a couple of times in the past and was always eager to try a new place for a drink.

"No... My _dear one _is a homicide detective."

For some reason, the discussion had quickly revolved around the idea of dating colleagues and such. As a matter of fact, it wasn't anything surprising. It did happen, a lot. Like in any profession. After all, people obviously did have points in common with their colleagues who were the ones they saw the most on a daily basis. Herself, she had dated a few ones. Like Amanda.

Casting a glance at the blonde on the other side of the table, Maura finally preferred to focus back on her drink. A homicide detective. As the words had slid on her lips, she had realized – one more time – how she missed having Jane around. Her voice, her laugh. The contact of her body against hers.

"Ah! Is this combination compatible enough? They surely love pushing us to guess instead of waiting patiently for science to speak out... Anyway, I suppose the two of you will be at the Washington conference held in September?"

For once an international event could have reunited them both around a subject related to their jobs, the timing couldn't have been worse. Jane was due in September; therefore ruining any chance for them to attend the conference. Maura shook her head, a bright smile lighting up her lips.

"I'm afraid we'll have other priorities by then. We're expecting a child for September."

As people began to congratulate her, the honey blonde felt light; utterly fine. It was the first time – now she thought about it – that she had mentioned it in public to people who weren't friends or relatives. An odd sentiment of pride warmed up her heart until she felt her colleagues' questioning gaze on her; their eyes going from the pint she was holding to her face.

"Oh... I'm not pregnant! Jane... She's carrying the baby. It's my partner who... Who is having our child."

That too was new. At no moment yet had she really had to speak up about her relation with Jane to any person who wasn't close – in one way or another – to both of them. Not that she minded about it – she had no problem to assume what she anyway considered as the best thing that had ever happened to her – but for the first time, she realized that it was a situation that would get repeated often.

For obvious reasons.

A soft silence followed her remark – mostly led on by surprise. The pub was crowded. Loud. A couple of guys were playing darts somewhere in the background while music was blasting all around.

"You opted for an IVF, I presume? My sister is thinking about it, even if the statistics are quite low in her case..."

Within a few seconds, the group lost itself in a very scientific conversation over the matter; from the latest studies to future methods that would improve the chances of success. If all along the past months Maura had tried to popularize the IVF process so Jane and everyone around could understand, she was glad to suddenly be able to also talk about it with a precision that only scientists could get and accept.

Without any judgment whatsoever about her relation. She only wished it would always be that way but she unfortunately knew better.

As she came back to her hotel room a couple of hours later that night, Maura laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling for long minutes. Within ten days, she would be back to Boston; to Jane. To this life that dragged her down at times yet that she loved more than anything in the world. The winter would have started fading away and little by little, she would embrace the idea of becoming a mother.

In a quick movement, the honey blonde rolled on her side to grab her cell phone she had abandoned on the bedside table. Without thinking it twice – and as much as it was a tad early in America – she dialed Jane's number.

The brunette answered almost immediately.

"Hey..."

At the sound of Jane's voice, Maura bit her lower lip and swallowed back a wave of tears. Why did she feel like crying? It was utterly ridiculous. Soon, she noticed a brouhaha in the background – there, in Boston.

"I'm sorry. You're still at work? I was hoping to catch you some time after your shift. If you want, I can call you back later."

Jane seemed to talk to someone else – while the scientist realized there was also music being played, which meant her partner wasn't at the BPD anymore – then focused back on the call.

"No, that's fine. I'm having a drink at The Dirty Robber with Frost and Korsak. They say hi... How are you?"

Settling further on her bed, Maura smiled; subconsciously. She might have spent a nice evening at the pub here in Dublin, she still wished she were on the other side of the ocean right now; with the people she loved and had come to consider as her family.

"What kind of drink are you having?"

Jane giggled, which elicited a smile on Maura's lips. For long seconds, the medical examiner tried to imagine what her partner looked like in this exact moment; the clothes she was wearing, if she had done her hair or not.

"Oh, just a pint of beer. No big deal."

As the words hit her mind, Maura straightened and froze. She had tried to convince Jane to only drink alcohol free beer; as much as she would have preferred the brunette to simply go for herbal tea and water. But it hadn't been a great success so far. Unfortunately.

"I'm kidding, Maur'... I'm having a mango juice. Does that make you happy? I can send you a picture if you don't believe me."

As the honey blonde's hazel eyes scanned the hotel room, her gaze stopped on a shirt she had left on a chair by the desk earlier in the morning. It was the same BPD gray shirt Jane used to wear at times. One day, the detective had come back from work with a new one; just for Maura. Not in the idea that they would match but simply because the medical examiner didn't stop stealing Jane's one.

"No, that's fine... I trust you on that! How are Bass, Jo Friday and Henri?"

Henri the goldfish was the last addition to their very own menagerie. Maura had won it at the funfair – just like in her childhood memories – and for some reason she hadn't been able to explain, Jane had immediately named the fish Henri.

"The kids are alright."

Jane's reply made her smile. In spite of the distance, everything was fine.


	21. Who Are We Now?

**Chapter twenty-one**

The airport was crowded – boiling in activity – but Jane had managed to place herself right in front of the doors of the arrivals to make sure that she wouldn't miss a single second of Maura as soon as she would appear.

It was utterly stupid – herself used to criticize people who acted that way – but the last days had gone too slow, reminding her how she missed the medical examiner. Now it was only a matter of minutes before they found back each other and she couldn't have been happier.

A mother passed next to her, holding a four-year-old screaming out loud. Out of automatism, Jane made a face at the disturbing noise and stared at the woman coldly. Would she be like that within a few years with her own child? The brunette swallowed hard and tried to push away such thoughts away from her mind.

The doors finally opened and the first passengers appeared; a ballet of suitcases and tired faces.

Dancing on her feet – twisting her hands nervously – Jane began to scan the room with impatience. All of a sudden, she felt like she was seventeen again; waiting for the one who made her heart beat fast. It was the first time – since they had become a couple – that Maura had left on a business trip and against all expectations, it hadn't been easy. Perhaps it had to do with her pregnancy – she didn't really know – but during these past three weeks the detective had realized that she was involved into a very symbiotic relationship. And she didn't know what to think about it.

Her dark eyes locked with Maura's hazel ones as soon as she saw her and all of a sudden, the constant noise of the airport – the dizzying brouhaha in the background – ceased; if only in her mind. Nothing mattered anymore but the honey blonde she was looking at intently.

The scientist was talking to a man – probably a colleague – and as they passed the doors together, she indicated the exit to him politely before telling him goodbye and finally walking slowly towards Jane; her face lit up by a bright smile that echoed the brunette's one.

"Hi, you..."

For the last three weeks none of them had managed to think about something else but each other yet now they were at last reunited, both women stayed perfectly still; looking at each other with timidity. After long seconds, Maura's fingers finally slid along Jane's before the blonde held her partner's hands tight.

As if relieved by the fact the medical examiner had made the first step, Jane took her in her arms and – eyes closed – plunged her face in Maura's neck; taking a deep breath of her scent.

"Welcome back home..."

Once the first thrill of the long awaited contact faded away, Maura froze slightly as she noticed another kind of sensation; a feeling she hadn't experienced before. There, against her stomach. She broke apart and looked down at the object of her attention.

The detective's flat stomach was gone and had been replaced by an obvious baby bump. Not knowing what to say, Maura giggled; blushed. Jane had unbuttoned her coat – probably because of the heat – letting no doubt about her pregnancy.

What were three weeks in a life? Yet as they walked away, Maura couldn't help thinking that the Jane she had left behind as she had flown to Dublin wasn't the one she had just found back.

The drive to Beacon Hill turned out to be rather classic, almost random; proving to both women that no mattered the separations, their references would always be there to accompany them, to reassure them. There was something comforting in the idea.

Maura had always loved traveling – going away for forensics conferences – but as she passed the door of her house and scanned the room, she realized for the first time that this place was home. Besides her partner, she had missed Boston and everything she had, there. Perhaps she was getting old and the urge of sedentary was finally kicking in.

Discarding her suitcase in a corner, the blonde turned around and went to pass her arms around Jane's waist before leaning over for the kiss she had obsessed over for the past three weeks. It didn't take long for the brunette to respond to it; her hands traveling up Maura's frame to settle around her neck. For a while now the detective had been thinking about her parents; the kind of relationship they used to have. She had never seen them kiss each other nor share the slightest gesture of affection. Had it only been a sign of prudishness? Would they – Maura and her – be alike once they got a child? Not that they kissed in permanence but they were quite touchy feely and the truth was that Jane loved it. She didn't want it to stop. Yet what if it did?

"Are you tired? Do you want to take a nap?"

Passing her tongue over her lips while a mischievous smile lit up her features, Maura shook her head.

"No, I'm fine. I slept in the plane. Yet I'm going to have a shower if you don't mind..."

The honey blonde disappeared upstairs after a last kiss, leaving Jane alone. Not knowing what to do, the brunette headed to the kitchen counter and sat by it to observe Henry the goldfish swim around. Of course, she could have gone and shared Maura's shower – as they had done in the past more than once – but her body changes didn't find the same resonance anymore under drops of water. She had put on weight in an odd reminiscence of the chubby little girl she had been once. The memories weren't that great. At least in a bed, the sheets always allowed a game of hide-and-seek with these curves she didn't assume much.

Plunged in her thoughts – hypnotized by the comings and goings of the fish - she didn't hear the blonde arrive behind her and jumped of surprise as Maura planted a kiss on her shoulder; her lips fresh from the shower.

"Jeez... You scared me, Maur'!"

Biting her lower lip in a gesture of apologies, the medical examiner giggled softly before capturing her partner's lips in a deep kiss that didn't leave much room to what she wanted.

"I'm sorry..."

The words slid on Jane's lips – echoed in her mouth – and melted into the brunette's smile. The slightest touch was making her shiver, realize how she had missed her partner. Soon – and with an implacable logic – both lovers found themselves laying down on their bed; their legs intertwined.

Their breaths shortened by their constant kisses and bold caresses.

As Maura took Jane's tank top off, her lips began to trail a path down the detective's body; passing her shoulder blades, her breasts. She was reaching the rounded stomach when she suspended her gesture – lips only a few inches away from the skin. She stared at it intently; trying to remember the abs she had caressed and kissed so many times in the past. Awkwardly, her mouth made contact with Jane's sides before going down her thighs.

There was something intimidating about Jane's stomach, suddenly; something Maura couldn't explain but still, she didn't dare to touch it properly.

As she went back for her lover's lips, she smiled in their kiss; held her tight against her naked body, as if she wanted to pass underneath the brunette's skin and stay there for the rest of her life.

"I missed you."

Jane's confession took her aback. The detective rarely expressed her feelings; not in such a bare way. It was unusual and warmed up Maura's heart quietly. She had missed her too; more than anything.


	22. Stuck In A Dead-End Path

**Chapter twenty-two **

"Ah... Shit!"

Jane leaned her head against the window of the car and made a face. Annoyed, she grabbed her phone and stopped the alarm before letting a sigh of frustration pass her lips.

"What is it?"

Her sudden reaction had obviously not passed unnoticed to Korsak who – while driving – cast a glance at her; unsure of what was going on. Biting her lower lip, the brunette looked by the window. The car had just entered the quiet neighborhood of Brookline, buildings substituting themselves to houses and backyards. Now that she lived downtown, Jane hated these areas. Somehow, it always left a sentiment of suffocation on her whenever she came to see the perfectly aligned cars parked in the alleys. It was too neat. Too fake.

"I forgot my pills at the office."

Her colleague frowned – obviously worried – but she dismissed his implicit question by a gesture of the hand. They couldn't come back to the BPD in full rush hour while they had almost reached their destination. She was on her shift and her job was her priority; just like the person they were about to ask a few questions to as part of a murder case. No. She had to assume and take responsibilities for having forgotten her medicine. End of it.

She simply hoped that Maura would never get to know about it.

Their relation had been tensed, lately; for a reason Jane couldn't explain. The scientist kept on telling her to slow down a bit while exposing a whole series of medical terms to emphasize the rightness of these arguments she didn't stop stating and somehow, the detective seemed to have even less patience before it.

In consequences, they kept on arguing about the slightest – pointless – detail and it drove her crazy.

As if it weren't enough, her last blood test had revealed a serious lack of iron and vitamins. Nothing too serious yet she now had to take pills and face even more behavioral remarks from Maura. All in all, she was losing her nerves completely.

Korsak finally stopped the car in front of a typical suburban house. A neat front yard – an impeccable porch – and a Prius parked in the garage alley. The scene looked perfectly normal if it weren't for the door left opened ajar.

Immediately, both grabbed their gun and carefully walked towards it.

Jane's colleague entered first – putting in practice these gestures that had now turned into automatism – while a well-known adrenalin rushed through her veins. Perhaps nothing would happen and the person they visited had simply forgotten to properly close the door but deep inside, her instinct told her something different.

The brunette was about to follow Korsak in when a small movement on her right – towards the parked car – caught her attention. Within a few seconds, a man emerged from there and began to run down the street. Jane didn't think twice and immediately followed him; starting an unexpected sprint.

The trees by the sidewalks were speeding fast as her long strides swallowed the asphalt quietly. A good run had never caused her any problem unlike some of her colleagues; her athletic legs had – very often – allowed her to stop a few people, baffled before the fact a woman had managed to catch them.

She was fast. And focused.

Although perhaps – if she hadn't been too much concentrated on the man ahead of her – the brunette would have noticed that something was going wrong, this time. That she was sweating more than the usual in spite of the cool temperatures and that her heart was beating way too fast.

It took her by surprise. All of a sudden, an icy shiver ran down her spine as her vision got blurry. She stopped abruptly; swallowed hard and shook her head.

"What..."

Everything disappeared: the trees, the houses; he cars parked in the garage alleys. Brookline flew away and the world turned dark.

…

As the bedroom door opened and Maura appeared, Jane turned her head around immediately; focusing on the wall. As soon as she had regained consciousness and realized that she was being taken to the ER, she had dreaded the moment the honey blonde would show up and start her diatribe about slowing down.

Quietly, Maura approached the bed – sat on the edge of it – and carefully brushed with her fingertips the bruised arch of the eyebrow. As a loud sigh escaped from the blonde's lips, Jane turned around and locked her eyes with her partner's. The scientist didn't look mad but worried.

"Five stitches... Are you in pain?"

Jane shook her head and smiled as she felt Maura's lips on her cheekbone. A soft, sweet kiss. A wave of guilt was slowly spreading over her mind. It was all her fault and she knew it.

"I skipped lunch..."

Maura hadn't asked for any kind of explanation but deep inside, the detective had felt the urge to say it; to tell the truth to the honey blonde in the vain idea she might get relief from it. The scientist's reaction came up immediately. Sighing loudly, Maura rolled her eyes then shook her head.

"Why do you do that, dammit? Jane... I know that you love your job and I respect it but why can't you just for once behave as the adult you are? You keep on saying that you aren't sick as soon as someone makes a remark – which is true – but you are still pregnant. And it changes a few things, that you like it or not. You... It isn't just about you anymore but the baby too. You are responsible for someone else's health and the only thing you do..."

If the words were the same as usual, for the first time the brunette noticed something more in Maura's voice; something deep, vulnerable. The medical examiner wasn't angry but desperate; upset.

"I know all that, Maur'. But... But it's not easy."

The blonde scoffed – shook her head – and remained quiet a few seconds; looking for her words. One more time, they were stuck in a dead-end path and none of them managed to find the right way to get out of it. It was painful.

"Nobody said it would. Risking your life is one thing but putting in danger the one of a baby who didn't ask for anything is just pure madness. What's going on? If you can't put that into your head, well... Then perhaps you should have thought about it twice before taking the decision to get pregnant."

The words resounded harsh in the quietness of the room; too loud for Jane to reply. Ashamed, she just looked down at her hands. Before her silence, Maura shook her head and frowned.

"You regret it, don't you? You regret all this. You just got pregnant because you took pity on me. You decided to get a child because I will never be able to have one. Just because of this... Because of me."

Maura's voice broke. But as soon as Jane looked up at her, the scientist stood up and headed towards the door; turning her back at her partner.

"I'm going to make sure all the papers for your discharge have been signed."

Biting her lower lip to restrain her tears, Jane shook her head and clenched her fists.

"Maur'!"

She got up and ran in the hallway to catch back the honey blonde. She still felt weak but didn't mind about it anymore; now, it was all about Maura. And nobody else.

She grabbed the scientist's elbow to make her turn around. The blonde's hazel eyes were filled with a thousand tears; bitter ones. Jane swallowed hard.

"I don't want you to take pity on me."

Strangers – hospital staff and visitors – were passing next to them in the hallway but Jane couldn't care less right now. Shaking her head slowly, she let her own tears embrace her face quietly.

"I don't, Maur'... I... Will you take me home, please? I... I'm tired."

Tired of this; of everything. Tired of arguing constantly. The words didn't slide on her lips but her gaze spoke for herself; apologies embracing the silence that had wrapped the both of them up. It had been a long day.

Too long.

Maura swept her tears away and nodded shyly.


	23. It's A Fact

**Chapter twenty-three**

As Jane passed the door of the small cafe, Maura welcomed her from a table by the large windows with a bright smile on her lips. It was a lovely April day. The temperatures were warm and the whiteness of the clouds contrasted with the deep blue of the sky. After a long and gray winter, spring was finally on its way, bringing some lightness on people's face.

The brunette took her jacket off before settling on the chair opposite Maura's. Her hair was up in a quite neglected bun, some locks of dark hair escaping from it; falling in curls around her face.

"How was it? Did you like it?"

The scientist's enthusiasm was highly perceptible in her questions, accompanied by a pair of hazel eyes glimmering in the sun of the day. Taking advantage of one of Jane's days off, she had offered her a day at a spa; four hours of massages and quietness downtown Boston. Since the hospital incident, they had taken it slowly and were now trying to listen more to each other. Jane hadn't really slowed down but at least, she didn't skip any meal anymore and took her medicine on a regular basis.

After all, she was only four-month pregnant. She still could move around.

"You should be careful, Maur'. I could get used to this..."

Utterly happy, the honey blonde bent over the table to plant a soft kiss on her partner's lips. If only all their days could look like this one; easy, quiet. Perfect. Relaxed, they didn't argue about the slightest thing and simply enjoyed each other's presence.

"What if I get you a monthly subscription? If you are enjoying it, I will gladly offer it to you."

Jane discarded the idea with a gesture of the hand then shook her head. As much as she enjoyed it from time to time, she wasn't the kind of person who spent days at the spa. Besides, she was busy. They had just landed a new case and it took most of her time.

It wasn't the right moment for such recreational activities.

"Nah, that's fine. Although now, I want my banana split. And dim sum. I've been craving some for the last couple of hours, now."

Maura laughed; loudly, openly. She was glad to see that Jane was finally – and if only little by little – embracing her pregnancy. There was still a long way to go but considering the detective's temper and her usual stubbornness, they were on the right path to get there.

"Once you are sated, how about we... You know... For once we both have a day off together, perhaps... You need some new clothes."

Maura blushed. Why did she have such a hard way – at times – to allude to the side-effects of Jane's pregnancy? She felt stupid when it happened. Because if the brunette didn't seem to always accept the situation, the medical examiner herself had to face its complexity as well.

As much as it wasn't the case, she felt excluded from it; like a passive spectator who would witness the scene without ever understanding it properly. During the last medical examination – while Jane and her doctor had been talking – Maura had felt in the way; foreign to the description of feelings and wonders. To the point she had – maybe – subconsciously put aside what a pregnancy also meant, focusing on her job instead as if to fool herself.

But what Jane didn't know was that she had walked in on her in their bedroom by accident, one day; passing a pillow under her shirt to simulate the figure she would get within a few months. The blonde hadn't focused more on the falsely rounded stomach than on the smile playing on her partner's lips. Jane had looked happy.

It hadn't been a wake up call but still. Maura had understood that she needed to make an effort too in all of this. It wasn't as idyllic as she had imagined but perhaps she had simply been deluded and reality had caught her back.

Fairly enough even though abruptly.

A pregnancy wasn't a fairytale. But in spite of that, it didn't change the fact they were having a child and she was beyond happy about it. Hopefully with the passing of time, everything would seem easier; more logical. After all, they were novices.

"How about I just buy a _djellaba_ and we're done? Easy."

The medical examiner rolled her eyes and let a sigh of frustration pass her lips. She knew that – deep inside and in spite of what Jane said – the brunette liked shopping. Or if only having new clothes.

The shy smile that had embraced her face several times while trying on some piece of clothing had betrayed her but for nothing in the world would she recognize it. She had her pride; or whatever it was.

"Did you know that the clothing influence in Maghreb is mainly a heritage from the _Al-Andalus_ culture, which refers to the era when - during the Middle Age – both Iberian and Septimanian territories were under Muslim domination... ? While the _jilbab_ is a dark-colored tunic, the _djellaba_ has embroidery, _sfifas_ and is very colorful."

Jane remained quiet – perplexed – and quite unsure of what she was supposed to do with such piece of information. After long seconds of wonder, she preferred to ignore it and order her banana split instead.

She was starving and obviously needed ice-cream to deal with Maura's random facts.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

The brunette surprised herself with her very own question. It was the first time they went and talked so much about her pregnancy. Somehow, she felt like they had opened doors to the questions none of them had dared to say out loud until now. It was still early, after all. If everything went fine, she would give birth in five months. They had plenty of time for all these things. Yet it had slid on her lips naturally.

Sipping on her smoothie, Maura looked up and locked her eyes with her partner's; pausing for a moment as if looking for her words. Then – slowly – she rested her hands on the table and took a deep breath.

"I think it is a girl."

The scientist's confidence on the answer took Jane aback. They hadn't decided yet if they wanted to get to know the sex of the baby before the birth but Maura's medical knowledge complicated everything, if only for the ultra-sound pictures. She attended each of them and it wouldn't take her long to guess about it if she had a proper look at the screen.

"Maura Dorthea Isles, how can you be so sure of yourself? Have you cheated or something?"

Laughing lightly, the honey blonde shook her head before looking down at the table. She bit her lower lip; shrugged. Then spoke lightly, almost timidly.

"I don't know... I just feel it."


	24. A World In Movement

**Chapter twenty-four**

The unusual sensation made her stop abruptly in the middle of the street; taking Frost aback as – a few steps ahead – he turned around and stared at her with perplexity. For long seconds, Jane remained still; silent. As if trying to proceed in her head the whole thing.

Of course, she knew that it would happen at some point but she hadn't been prepared and it had showed up without any warning. Making her feel slightly vulnerable, uncertain.

"What's going on? Is everything alright?"

Immediately, her colleague's eyes went down to stop on her stomach; looking for a sign, anything that would replace Jane's words that seemed to take too much time to slide on her lips.

Then – slowly – she nodded and began to smile with awkwardness.

"She moved. The baby moved."

Out of this odd automatism people seemed to naturally own, Frost approached and put a hand on her stomach; waiting for a reaction. In spite of the intimate gesture, she didn't push him away. They got along. A lot. A lot more than mere colleagues, even though they didn't say it out loud very often.

To an extent, Jane considered him as family.

"It's a girl? I thought you didn't want to know."

The brunette shrugged and took a sip of her smoothie before rolling her eyes, rather unconvinced.

The sun was shining high in the sky and she had forgotten her sunglasses; wincing every now and then as soon as she happened to look a bit too high in front of her.

"Gosh I hope so. Personally, I don't mind much but Maura is sure I'm having a girl. For once she gives in the guessing game... If she happens to be wrong, she'll surely never try it again."

Frost burst out laughing, knowing way too well what his colleague meant. As much as he appreciated the medical examiner, her incapacity to advance the slightest guessing could be hard for the nerves.

Straightening his jacket, he looked back at the direction they had been taking only a few seconds earlier before Jane to stop.

"I don't want to rush you into things but we have an appointment at 2..."

Jane nodded and started walking again; a tad disappointed that it had to happen while she was out on her job without Maura around. She would have wanted to share it with her; or just even call her to let her know. But it would have to wait. One more time, her priority laid somewhere else.

…

With a lightness barely contained and a muffin in hand, Jane went up the hallway leading to the large autopsy room but stopped in the anteroom and observed the scene being played around one of the long metallic tables.

Within two weeks, the medical examiners who had followed Maura's work would leave back to their own morgue and a quieter routine would embrace again the floor. The honey blonde had loved having visitors with whom she had exchanged knowledge and ideas. She hadn't alluded much to it but it was obvious and had made Jane happy as well.

Her partner wasn't known to have idyllic communications with strangers. She wasn't good at it but for once it had worked out perfectly.

Not daring to step in and interrupt whatever the group was discussing, the brunette waited and looked at the scene in silence; curious. Suddenly, Maura turned around to exchange a few words with Amanda who was standing by her side.

Both women laughed out loud before the honey blonde finally noticing Jane in the anteroom. Immediately, she excused herself to the group and passed the doors.

"Is everything okay?"

Jane nodded but for some reason, her original joy had subsided. She felt in the way; out of place while scientists kept on coming and going around.

"Yeah, I... Hmm... I was just stopping by to tell you that the baby had moved. It wasn't like a kick, of course. But still... You know..."

She felt ridiculous. What had exactly crossed her mind that she had felt the urge to go downstairs in the middle of the afternoon to bother Maura about something that had very little importance in the end? It could have waited a few hours; although she was on a night shift when the scientist wasn't. But still.

"Oh... Fetal movement. It is also called "quickening" and usually appears between weeks 16 and 25... Most of women describe it very often as some sort of bubbles that would spark in their lower stomach."

The blonde smiled – shyly – and grabbed Jane's hand; her thumb caressing the back of it. With a lot of discretion, as if she were afraid other people could notice it. They rarely showed sign of affection at the BPD. It was one of their implicit rules; one they stuck to the most. For long seconds, Maura locked her eyes with her partner's dark ones and didn't say a word.

Perhaps if they had been home or alone, she would have taken her in her arms; even captured her lips in a long awaited kiss. Then they would have laid down on the sofa and talk for hours about the most random things in the world; waiting excitingly another reaction from the baby. But for the moment, she was in scrubs and a dead body was waiting for her a few steps away.

"You finish at 6, right?"

Maura nodded and cast a glance at the group of people in the autopsy room. She shrugged then began to dance on her feet.

"They invited me for a drink after work but I am not sure that I will go... I am kind of tired. Although at the same time, they will be leaving soon and it could be nice...?"

Jane looked down at their intertwined fingers. At times, she liked imagining that they matched; that her hands were fit for Maura's and nobody else's. Like a key-combination that she would have spent a lot of time looking for. Even her scars didn't hurt when the honey blonde caressed them.

"Why, you should go. It's pretty nice. Besides, I'm working all night so it's not like we had plans."

Maura pouted, obviously divided. She wasn't sure that it was a good idea; for whatever reason. Even if she would miss the group of medical examiners once they were gone, she was a lonely soul and would always be.

"I will see. Anyway, I have to go back, now. If you are around, I will stop by when I leave."

The honey blonde bent over and in a quick movement planted a soft kiss on Jane's cheek before passing back the doors of the autopsy room; already focused again on the discussion going on. Reluctantly, the detective headed back to the elevator.

It was stupid but right now, the only thing Jane felt like doing was to go back home and have a rest in Maura's arms for the entire evening.


	25. Unforgettable

**Chapter twenty-five**

Like in a game of mirrors, Maura adopted Jane's pose and pouted. Immediately, the brunette forced her gesture only to see her partner do the same. Within a few seconds, both women burst out laughing and finally broke eye-contact before falling into each other's arms.

Maura didn't remember when they had exactly started this game but she loved it. It was childish – a tad idiot – but it belonged to them and nobody else. They were the only ones who understood it, who could fully enjoy it.

Somehow, it highlighted their complicity and she found it sweet.

Settling against Jane, she bent over to caress the brunette's cheek before allowing their lips to meet for a long, quiet kiss. Lost in the embrace, the scientist focused on the sensations running through her body, from the shivers the kiss stirred up to the way the sun was sliding warmly on her back; the smoothness of the couch they were sat on. She broke apart after a while but leaned her forehead against Jane's, their lips brushing each other's.

Her words slid on them, accompanied by a long sigh.

"I wish every single day was Sunday."

Jane laughed lightly against her mouth; holding her tight. They had planned a thousand things to do on that weekend but after a difficult battle won against the idea of staying in bed all day long, they had just ended up landing on the couch; only slowing everything down a bit more.

Maura cleared her voice – settled further in her partner's arms – and began to caress her arm absentmindedly.

"Speaking of which, would you like to come to the party we're throwing for the group on Thursday? It starts at 6pm. It will be a lot less formal or "exclusive" than the last ones we held."

By the end of the week, all the medical examiners who had followed her at the morgue for the past few months would finally leave. And if they had organized a few evenings out already, the big party would take place at The Dirty Robber on Thursday.

"I might have to take on a night shift again but I'll do my best."

Disappointment crept in immediately but the honey blonde tried to push it away, to hide it behind one of these smiles she had learned to use at the right time. Although she could hardly speak, now. The tone of her voice would have betrayed her feelings as it always did.

So – instead – she simply nodded.

The long visit of her colleagues had brought stress and extra-work to her daily life – disturbing slightly the routine she had established with Jane – but lately, the brunette had multiplied night shifts. Before it, Maura couldn't help wondering if it wasn't her fault; if she hadn't pushed her partner – subconsciously – to take her distance from her as well.

Except if it happened to be the truth, then it meant that their couple had begun to fall apart without any of them really noticing it. And it scared her more than anything.

"Maur'..."

Jane calling her name took her out of her dark daydreams. Without saying a word, the blonde looked up at her partner and sagely waited. A smile on her lips.

"I know it's none of my business but... What happened between you and Amanda, exactly? I gotta work with her this week and she's really nice. I... I don't get the apprehension you seem to have about her... I saw you already with some of your exes and you weren't like that. What is it that it's different with her, exactly?"

Jane felt the honey blonde stiffen against her as soon as she mentioned Amanda. Perhaps she shouldn't have asked. In the end and as she had said it herself, it was none of her business. Just a latent curiosity over a person she had shared a few shifts with and who was related to the woman she was in love with.

For long seconds, Maura didn't say a word and focused on an invisible point by the coffee table; a thin line on her forehead highlighting in silence her internal worries.

"I didn't turn out to be the nicest girlfriend she could have had."

In a gesture of reassurance and comfort, Jane began to caress the honey blonde's back; waiting for her to open more about the past she had shared with Amanda.

Until now, Maura had remained evasive; echoing the sentence she had just pronounced.

"Did you cheat on her?"

Not that Jane considered it as something good but it happened; quite often, especially at a young age. It surely didn't deserve such apprehension either. A bitter laugh escaped from Maura's lips and she rolled her eyes – bit her lower lip – before shaking her head in defeat.

"I cheated on her, I let her hope for things that never happened... I... I was horrible with her. All along. But every single time, she came back to me and forgave my behavior right away... Because she loved me. Retrospectively, I guess I wasn't ready. I was going through a tough patch myself – obsessed with my roots – and she was... She was the first woman I had a real relationship with. I loved her. I did. But I was a mess and I kept on hurting her as if to convince myself that I wasn't too much attached to her. I didn't know who I was anymore and I was torn between the ideal of settling down with someone – yet at a very young age, we were barely twenty-three – and my blurry, way too precarious background. In the summer we had planned to leave for Europe, for a year. We had booked everything, written down every single detail... I didn't show up at the airport the day we were supposed to leave. Then she never heard again from me."

Until a few months earlier, when Amanda had passed the doors of the morgue and everything had come back without any warning; as if fate had decided to play with Maura's mind for her not having properly closed this chapter of her life.

For a moment, both women remained quiet; as if analyzing Maura's words, whatever she had lived. Then Jane spoke up softly.

"Do you ever regret what we used to have?"

Jane's question surprised her. For some reason, Maura had assumed that she was the only one who did think about it at times. Many things had happened to them within the past year. Their relationship had taken a different turn, a more serious one. They had left behind the excitement stirred up by all these delicate games they had played. Had their passion completely declined while settling into the routine of an established couple? She didn't think so. It was just different; their feelings lying deeper within themselves.

They weren't friends with benefits anymore. They had simply started writing another page of their life, with a maturity they hadn't experienced until now.

Amanda's sudden comeback in her existence had made her doubt about the behavior she adopted with Jane; and still did, somehow. But as much as she kept on comparing the past relation to the current one, Maura knew - deep inside - that what she lived with Jane had not a lot in common with whatever her life had been made of before.

Different scenario. Different person. Different state of mind.

Different feelings.

She locked her eyes with Jane's – succumbing to a deep, strong seriousness – then shook her head; her hand grabbing her partner's firmly.

"I love you too much for that."

Something glimmered in the brunette's dark pupils; something brief. A nuance of vulnerability, perhaps. Maura smiled as she noticed it and bent over for a light – almost chaste – kiss.

"Even with my deformed body?"

Maura's laugh died in the depth of Jane's nape as she closed her eyes and rested there for a long while; taking the most of moments she wanted to see as unforgettable ones.

"I love my little Moby-Dick."


	26. Whatever Mom Says

**Chapter twenty-six**

As the door swung open, Jane looked up from the series of pictures she had been staring at for a long moment and watched as her mother stepped in the living-room; present in hand.

"This is for you."

Surprised – and touched – the brunette smiled shyly as she accepted the little pack. It was neither her birthday nor anything that would put her in first line to actually receive any kind of present.

"What is it?"

Angela rolled her eyes and waved at the rectangular box so Jane opened it. With feverish hands and her curiosity now picked, the detective got rid of the wrapping paper only for her smile to freeze as soon as she realized what she was holding.

"A cream against stretch marks?"

Angela smiled a bit too enthusiastically to Jane's taste. Not that it wouldn't be of any use but she surely hadn't imagined that – one day – someone would offer some to her. As a present.

"You're a Rizzoli. You're going to need some, I'm afraid it's in our genes. It'll be a good excuse for Maura to massage your... Where is she?"

As if Angela hadn't realized that the scientist wasn't in the room until then, she looked around; rather perplexed. Jane took a sip of her herbal tea and shrugged.

"Yoga. She likes going there in the evening "to relieve the tension accumulated during the day", as she says."

As her mother scoffed, Jane took a deep breath. She wasn't in the mood for another pointless and quite annoying argument. She had a whole case waiting for her that demanded her attention.

"Why didn't you go with her?"

Casting a glance at the series of victims' portraits, the brunette sighed. Loudly. Slowly.

"Ma'... We live together. We work together. We are having a child together. We go out together. But we aren't glued to each other either so at times, we do things separately too."

Another scoff from Angela and Jane knew that she wouldn't go back to the case that easily. Discarding the body lotion, she patiently – or so – waited for her mother to reply. Which didn't take Angela long to do so.

"Like independence is the key of a successful relationship! Look where it led to for your father and I. You two spend less and less time together. You think I've not seen it? With all these night shifts you do, Maura's all alone as if she were single again."

Jane rolled her eyes and swallowed hard. Now that the group of medical examiners had left, the blonde had found back the comfortable routine of her usual schedule and unfortunately, it didn't always match hers.

"Excuse me if I have a demanding job..."

Third scoff. Within so little time that it must have been a record but Jane preferred to keep this remark for herself. She was about to add what sounded like a convincing argument when her mother cut her off.

"Oh, please! You're just taking all these night shifts to prove the whole BPD that a pregnant woman can handle it the hard way just like any man. Not that it's a bad thing, Janie, but in the meantime, who is left aside? Maura. Communication is... What is that?"

While lost in her monologue, Angela suddenly noticed a Paddington bear abandoned on the sofa. It was a big one, dressed as a doctor; a bit worn-out.

"Maura got it for her birthday when she was five. We found it when rummaging around old boxes, the other day. And we assumed it'd be nice for the baby. See, we spend time together. Just because you don't see all of this doesn't mean it doesn't happen."

Pouting – not really convinced by her daughter's last words – Angela shrugged and grabbed the bear to have a look at it.

"It's just... Maura doesn't always dare to speak when something's wrong. You know that, right? Don't let happen between you two what happened between your father and I."

Jane's anger melted into something softer as her mother's words echoed in her head and made sense; on a lot of different points. Calmly, she nodded at Angela and smiled.

"I know all that but don't be worried: Maura is fine."

…

"This is when Matthew... Did I tell you already that he was from Sacramento? Such a lovely city in spite of what people keep on saying. Anyway, this is when he advanced the idea that if an x-ray could highlight..."

On the other side of the table – and slightly lost before the interminable medical story that Maura was telling her – Constance didn't move; squinting her eyes at her daughter whose random monologue did not seem eager to ever stop.

"What's wrong, Maura?"

As much as she hadn't been the perfect mother and regretted it now, Constance knew her daughter a lot more than what the honey blonde could have imagined. The question stopped the scientist in her tracks and with her typical incapacity to lie, Maura shrugged awkwardly; pretending to not understand.

"Your nervousness always reflects itself in your tendency to speak over and over as if to fill a silence that would make you feel uncomfortable. That's why I ask: what's wrong?"

When her mother had called her to announce that she was back to Boston for a while, Maura had been genuinely happy. It had been a while since they had seen each other and a dinner at the restaurant was quite the perfect way for her to escape from the silence of her house at night; Jane still staying late at the BPD most of the time. Except she hadn't expected the meal to turn out that way.

Swallowing hard and fighting back the latent panic that was slowly invading her, Maura shrugged; her breath louder and louder.

"I guess our couple is falling apart... Jane multiplies the night shifts as if to avoid me while I go out to have drink with exes and..."

Confused, Constance shook her head and – hand in the air to stop her daughter immediately – frowned.

"You are having an affair?"

Maura froze and blushed; ashamed before the idea that someone could actually assume such thing. As a matter of fact, she had only had a few drinks with Amanda; always with the rest of the group of medical examiners. Nothing had happened - nor had she felt like going any further - and Amanda was now back to California.

A few seconds passed by before she managed to move and speak again.

"Of course not! I... I love Jane."

Relieved but nonetheless still confused, Constance intended a pale smile. She knew that Maura could exaggerate the impact of any situation, mainly because of her incapacity to properly talk to people and make things clear. Yet something was wrong and she could sense it.

"What is it, Maura?"

For a few seconds, the honey blonde tried to pretend – one more time – to not really understand but all of a sudden she began to play nervously with her napkin and felt her lips tremble. She couldn't cry now in the middle of the restaurant. She had to control herself.

"You can't understand... Do you... Do you remember when you told me that you knew how it felt like to not be able to have children? Well, the difference is that you... You only had to fill a few papers and one day you found yourself holding a baby and there you were a mother... While I... Do you have any idea how it hurts to live with a woman who's going through what you'll never be able to experience yourself, not even once? And... And how you feel guilty because of it. Because... Because you're a monster to do so... I love this baby and I love Jane more than anything but... But it hurts like hell to watch everyday what I'll never get to live. It... It really hurts and makes one feel lonely."

For a long moment, Constance remained quiet; taken aback. She had never thought about it; or at least not like that. But the pain that was distorting Maura's face – the pain mixed to an unfair guilt – let her understand that it had probably never crossed nobody else's mind. Starting with Jane.

"I... I barely touch her. Her stomach... I... She must have felt that I was being distant but I can't help it. It's not jealousy but living in permanence with the reminder of what you'll never experience yourself because something is wrong within you is tough and... And the guild that comes within it for daring to feel like this. It's..."

Breathing loud, Maura plunged her face in her hands and focused on the tears that were asking to come out; pushing them back, over and over. A constant and vain fight.

The contact of her mother's hand on her wrist made her jump. Slowly, she looked up at Constance on the other side of the table.

"You aren't a monster, Maura. You love this child – you said it yourself – and you will be a very good mother. I know that you are terrible at communication but you can't go on like that. You need to talk to Jane... You need to open up to her. Your feelings are fair enough but because you lock yourself in silence, you are missing out what should be one of the most beautiful experiences of your life. Or at least the most unique one. You are right when you say that I didn't have to go through that and perhaps I got it the easy way but still... I would have given a lot to follow from the very beginning to the end the pregnancy that led to your birth... I missed the first trimesters of your life. You don't. You have the chance to be able to follow the evolution of this baby who will turn out to be your child. Just because you don't carry him or her doesn't mean that you can't take part in the pregnancy nor have a role to play in it. On the contrary. Try to embrace it."


	27. What It Feels Like

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the reviews, I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story.**_

**Chapter twenty-seven**

A vague murmur on her left made her open an eye. Hand on the hot water bottle – pressed against her stomach – Maura turned her face around and looked at Jane rummaging around her bedside table; the bathrobe she had put on slightly falling down her shoulder under her brutal movements.

"What are you looking for?"

The brunette looked at her partner – realizing for the first time that the honey blonde had been watching her all along – and shook her head.

"I'm sorry I woke you up... I'm looking for the stretch mark thing my mother... Ah! Here it is!"

With a smile of triumph, Jane rose the small tube in the air – winced at Maura – and turned around to head back to the bathroom.

"Wait! Can... Can I apply it on you?"

The scientist's voice had resounded softly, almost shyly; echoing the blush that was now coloring her cheeks.

Surprised, Jane stopped in her tracks and looked down at her feet. It was the first time Maura offered to do such a thing.

Since she had come back from Ireland, the medical examiner had seemed to reduce to a minimum any contact with Jane's stomach. The brunette might have not said the slightest thing, she still had noticed Maura's behavior yet had simply assumed that her deformed body was the reason of such distance.

"Sure."

Hesitantly, the detective went to lay down on the bed. As Maura sat up next to her, she tended her the body lotion and untied her bathrobe. The blonde giggled.

"Not that you really need it..."

Unconvinced, Jane rose an eyebrow and pouted. As much as her doctor kept on telling her that she had put on the exact amount of pounds she should have, she couldn't help noticing the changes all around: her hips were wider, her breasts had swollen and her cheeks looked fuller. She didn't like the image the mirror sent back to her every morning.

It wasn't her but a chubby version of a person who vaguely looked like her.

"I see you naked often enough to notice it."

The remark made her blush. Not knowing what to say, Jane focused on the hot water bottle that Maura had carefully settled against her stomach. Monthly cramps were probably what she missed the least in the end.

All of a sudden, the brunette felt sorry for her partner. Why did she have to get her period if a pregnancy was anyway denied to her? It was unfair.

"Maur'..."

Lotion in hand, the honey blonde abandoned the contemplation of the rounded stomach – pounding the amount of courage she would need to actually touch it – and locked her eyes with Jane's. The detective seemed uncomfortable, almost embarrassed. Slightly confused, Maura shook her head and frowned.

"You know that all these night shifts have nothing to do with you, right? It's just... My mother seems to have this theory about you thinking that I'm... You know... But it's not. I'm barely five-month pregnant – okay, five months and a half – and I still can move around. It's too soon to... To assign me at the BPD for paperwork only. You got it, right?"

For long seconds, Maura didn't move nor speak. A thousand words were bumping into each other in her head but none of them actually made sense. A timid smile lit up her face as she finally bent over for a light kiss; pressing Jane's hand tightly.

"As long as you listen to your body then it's all fine to me."

Taking a deep breath, the honey blonde sat back properly and poured some lotion on her hands. She hadn't touched Jane's stomach for a very long while. Even in their most intimate moments, she had always managed to avoid it. A ruse that had quickly turned into a habit. But as her mother's words kept on resounding loud in her head, she knew that it was time to change it.

She had faced pregnant women – touched them – if only during her internship. Yet as her fingers softly brushed her partner's stomach, the warmth emanating from the body took her aback. The skin owned a singular firmness as if its roundness were natural; as if it had always been there. In a complete silence, the palm of her hand made a full contact with the stomach and – slowly – Maura let herself guide by it.

She had missed such contact. She had missed feeling Jane's warmth against her skin. As a whole series of sensations were wrapping her up, the blonde swallowed hard and realized how much she had missed absolutely everything.

"How does it feel like?"

It didn't take Jane long to understand that Maura's question was going beyond the massage effects. The IVF might have drastically changed their life, until now they had only alluded to her pregnancy under general terms – medical appointments – and more or less abstract definitions. At no moment had they reached this degree of intimacy over the question. The words melting in the gestures.

Maura's words floated in the air for a long time, embraced by the quietness of her voice. The question accompanied by a delicate, awkward curiosity. Shrugging, Jane bit her lower lip and watched how her partner's hand was sliding along the curves of her stomach.

"I don't know... Sometimes, I completely forget it and it's like nothing has changed. But other times, I can... I can barely remember how it used to be before, because it's so different. Not in a bad way – not really – but it goes beyond appearances. It's like something deeper. Maybe a hormonal trick... I have no idea. But it's... It's not that bad, actually."

Focused on the stomach, Maura nodded but suddenly stopped her massage. Her fingers slid against the skin before coming to rest on her lap; her silence only reflecting the storm going on in her mind. With a bitter nuance of regrets, her voice sounded too loud in its long – painful – whisper.

"I wish I could feel it..."

But before she had a chance to cry, Jane had taken her in her arms; holding her tight, protectively. Her hand pressing against the back of her head, subconsciously letting her understand that she would never let go of her.

At no moment.

Slowly, Maura abandoned herself to the embrace and passed her arms around her partner's frame; her eyes tightly closed, pushing back the tears.

"Maura... Maur'... Maura..."

A kiss per every time Jane pronounced her name; on her head, against her temple. Anywhere the brunette felt like engraving the heat of her lips on the scientist's skin.

"I'm sorry."

As much as Constance had told her that her feelings were fair enough, she still had a hard time dealing with them; especially now that she was facing Jane. Within a few words, she had let slide on her lips all the shameful thoughts she had tried to bury for the past few months. And it wasn't easy.

"Perhaps we should have waited a bit more before going for it."

The detective's remark made her react – within herself – and soon enough, she sat up back again; a thin line on her forehead highlighting her worries. She had made Jane doubt about the pregnancy. It might not have been voluntary, she still had and it made her panic.

Shaking her head vehemently, she put back her hand on her partner's stomach; in a protective motion.

"No!"

Immediately and without thinking it twice, the honey blonde turned around and bent over to kiss Jane's bump before laying her head against it.

"No... No..."

Huddled, Maura grabbed Jane's hand – brought it to her lips for a kiss – before settling it against the stomach; their fingers still intertwined.

"This baby is everything to me, Jane. Absolutely everything."

In her fetal position – turning her back at her partner and halfway against her bump – Maura closed her eyes. Smiled.

At peace.


	28. Children vs Adults

_**Author's notes: thank you again for the reviews, I highly appreciate them.**_

**Chapter twenty-eight**

Baby names. If it had been once a game – mostly in her childhood – some sort of fantasy like planning her wedding ceremony, the task had suddenly become a lot harder since it had melted into reality. Lost before the list suggested on the website, Maura sighed loudly and shook her head. They still had time – plenty of time – and had actually not even alluded to it yet.

Perhaps – with a bit of luck – a name would end up catching their attention and the problem would be solved.

Unconvinced by such idea, the honey blonde pouted. They bickered about the mere detail; of course it would be the same for a baby name. She knew it.

She was about to settle further in her armchair when she noticed the presence by her side. She jumped; surprised. Then stared at the little boy who was observing her in silence by her desk; completely still.

"Who is she?"

With his tiny finger, he pointed at a picture from Greece, settled in a frame; on her desk.

Their very first vacations as a couple eight months earlier. Jane and her were posing with the Mediterranean sea in the background, the whiteness of the Santorini houses contrasting sharply with the deep blue of the sky and the water below. They had taken the picture themselves, at arm's length.

It might not have been the most perfect shot, Maura liked it a lot. It was just them; suntanned, relaxed and happy to be there. Together.

"Her name is Jane. She is... My partner."

The little boy frowned and remained silent for a long moment; staring at the picture intently. Finally, he nodded and looked back at Maura with a disturbing self-confidence.

"It's the girl you play with? Like Amy and I?"

Assuming Amy was a playground friend, the scientist frowned but nonetheless nodded. Evasively. How old could he be, four years old?

"To an extent, yes... Now, whom do you belong to?"

Maura bent over and straightened the label that had temporarily been scotched to the child's cardigan to check his parents' name and eventual status at the BPD.

Kids' Day was in full swing in the building but as usual, the celebration was held in the upper floors; certainly not at the morgue. The blonde stood up and grabbed the little boy by the hand before heading back to the elevators that he had probably taken all by himself.

"Were you bored that you came downstairs without anyone else? Your parents must be looking for you. It isn't very nice to leave like that without telling anyone."

An unusual brouhaha of laughs – screams – and high-pitched voices welcomed them as they made it to the proper floor. The open space had succumbed to an utter chaos; slices of cake abandoned here and there, sticky candies dropped on the ground while children were running everywhere. Before such a scene, Maura felt suddenly lucky to have access to the quietness of the morgue.

"Here you are, Finn! I was looking for you everywhere..."

A woman in her thirties approached Maura and knelt down immediately to check the boy. She didn't work at the BPD but her husband probably did. The medical examiner had never seen her around and the family name on Finn's label didn't ring a bell at all either.

"I was with her. She has an Amy too but her name's Jane and they play together by the sea."

As the little boy pointed his finger at her while saying so, Maura blushed and smiled – embarrassed – at the woman before losing herself in a mumble of an explanation about Finn's disappearance.

Relieved as she saw them turn and head to the buffet, the honey blonde was about to go and retreat back to the morgue when she felt a weight clutched to her right leg. She looked down only to figure out that the source of the problem came from a toddler who was mistaking her lower body for a stick.

"Practicing, I see?"

The comment made her look up immediately. Rebecca Dowel was standing in front of her with a glass of orange juice in hand. An amused smile on her lips.

...

The music stopped her abruptly – in the middle of the patio – while she was holding a brown paper bag from the deli. For once, she had decided to not enter by the main door in order to check the flowers she had planted in the small patio first. The melody filtered by the opened windows; the door there left ajar. It wasn't a CD but live music. Coming from Jane's piano.

As quietly as she could, Maura pushed the door – put down the deli bag on the kitchen counter – and a tad intimidated, approached the brunette who was sat by the instrument; playing.

"_Nocturne_, opus 9 – number 2. Did you know that Chopin used to have an affair with the female writer George Sand? They both utterly suffered from it. A sad yet terribly romantic story..."

Jane immediately stopped playing and jumped out of surprise as she noticed Maura's presence by her side. Blushing, she looked down at her hands on the black and white keys. Nobody knew that she had started playing again. Although she didn't consider it herself as playing but throwing some bits here and there. Anonymously.

"It calms her down. The sound of music calms her down. I guess she likes it."

The scientist smiled brightly at the confession and pressed against Jane's back, rested her head on her partner's shoulder before letting her hands slide on the rounded stomach.

Her lips brushed the thin skin of Jane's temple in a quiet kiss.

"Within three days, you will have reached the 26th week of your pregnancy. She can hear us, now. And recognize our voices... She might simply like the sound of piano."

As if to confirm Maura's words, the baby kicked rather frankly; making both women laugh.

Out of an odd automatism, Jane passed her hand over her stomach – as if to calm down the movements – and let her fingers brush her partner's whose hand was still laying there.

"She's taking my stomach for a punching ball. She'll pay for it."

Planting another kiss – this time on Jane's neck – the honey blonde giggled before finally straightening up and playing absentmindedly with her partner's curly hair.

"Unable to stay still for more than five seconds? Obviously, she got that from you. Perhaps she'll even work at the BPD..."

Jane scoffed and shook her head vehemently then turned around on her seat to face Maura.

"Not before going to college and get a degree. Just like her smart _mommy_..."

Outplaying the last word, the detective smirked at the honey blonde but as a few seconds passed by, a dark veil seemed to embrace her face and she looked aside; lost in her thoughts.

"I don't want her to have the same regrets as the ones I have."

Taken aback by the unexpected – implicit – confession, Maura knelt down to be at Jane's level; locking her eyes with her partner's dark ones. The scientist cupped her face with her hand before a serene smile to embrace her features.

"A degree doesn't make anyone smart nor worth the deal."

For long seconds, Jane remained quiet and pondered the words. Maura was right yet she couldn't help it and retrospectively, she thought that she kind of regretted not having pursued her studies.

"Fine. Then she'll be a hooker in Vegas."

As an expression of sheer terror spread over Maura's face, Jane rolled her eyes and shook her head; not too sure if she should find it cute or sad.

"It's a joke, Maura. Just a joke."


	29. The Foreign Concept Of Normality

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the review - I definitely try to update the story everyday, it's a good dynamic for me and, I hope, for the readers as well.**_

**Chapter twenty-nine**

Her eyes were going from one picture to another with the rapidity that only years of experience could bring; her brain analyzing every single piece of information with a singular precision, ready to notice the mere element that would make her point out the problem. Standing next to her – lost in the same focus over the transparent board where a whole series of information had been pinned up – were standing Korsak, Frost and Maura. The case had landed in their hands three days earlier but what had looked like at first another classic murder was suddenly taking a whole different turn. Something a lot darker.

At national level.

Listening carefully to Korsak's opinion over the migratory movement of the baby traffic network, Jane tried to straighten before pressing her hand on her lower back to relieve the pain.

Standing still for long minutes had begun to make her frankly suffer. Within the past few weeks, her stomach had grown a lot to the point she had questioned its normality when – in the doctor's waiting room – she had looked at other patients and remained incredulous before the fact most of them weren't showing as much.

Immediately, she felt a hand slide on hers before the fingers starting to rub her lower back. She looked at Maura and smiled – thanking her quietly – as the medical examiner placed herself behind her partner to fully massage with her two hands the painful spot near her spine.

Something had changed between them. Since the day the honey blonde had applied the body lotion on her stomach for the very first time, a door seemed to have opened and a stronger complicity embraced them over the pregnancy; as if they had finally given in and accepted it fully.

"But if they're in Texas by November, then it means they're..."

She didn't have time to finish her sentence. All of a sudden, a loud voice interrupted her, putting a quite abrupt end to their focus.

"Rizzoli! In my office. Now."

The group turned around only to see a very determined – and slightly intimidating – Cavanaugh by the door of his own room who almost right away went back in; not letting much imagination to how quick he wanted to see her there. Confused, Jane shared a perplexed gaze with her colleagues before heading to her superior's office.

She closed the door after stepping in the room but refused the seat Cavanaugh offered her; preferring to stay up, no mattered it killed her back.

"You're off the case."

An icy shiver ran down her spine, soon replaced by incomprehension. She hadn't done anything wrong at all. Neither had any member of her team. As a matter of fact, they had been handling the situation as perfectly as one could even if the task had turned more complicated than what they had thought in the first place. Shaking her head, it took her a few seconds to manage to speak.

"But... What?! Why?"

Locking her eyes with Cavanaugh's, she stared at him with a determination that flirted with an obvious insubordination; her chin up in defiance. The baby moved, kicked.

Jane put an instinctive hand where it had slightly hurt and suddenly it struck her.

"Is it because I'm a woman? Because I'm pregnant? I'm a homicide detective. It's part of my job to put aside my private life when working and not let myself invade by..."

Hand in the air, Cavanaugh stopped her; shook his head.

"I'm not putting back in question your sense of justice nor the way you've been handling your private life. As a matter of fact, you and Maura have respected the... Implicit policy... That asks two colleagues who date each other to not mistake the BPD for the privacy of your living-room and I'm glad you did... But it's a matter of security. This case has gone national, the Feds are on it. Human traffic is at another level and you know it. You know how dangerous it can be. I don't want to lose any of my men on such mission, even less when... When they're expecting a child. That's it."

Something began to boil in her lower stomach before rushing through her veins; carried by a powerful adrenalin. Not that Cavanaugh's worries weren't nice to an extent, but she didn't want to be treated like that – differently – because of her pregnancy. It had worked until now. There was no reason for her to stop it. Angry, she turned on her heels and opened the door.

"As long as I can wear a Kevlar vest, I'm on it!"

She hadn't meant to reply so loudly but everyone turned around and stared at her as her remark hit the air. She slammed the door – soon reopened by a disarmed Cavanaugh – who watched as she grabbed her jacket and turned around to leave before stopping at Maura's level. The honey blonde was still by the transparent board with Korsak and Frost, witnessing the scene without understanding the slightest bit. With a barely contained rage, Jane bent over and roughly kissed her on the lips.

Satisfied, she smirked at Cavanaugh before going downstairs for a well-needed muffin.

…

"The nerves he has!"

Laid down on the couch – her head resting on Maura's lap – Jane was still fuming about the scene she had lived earlier that day in Cavanaugh's office. She liked this case. It was tough, heavy and tensed; it was made for hers. She had found out first about the traffic, she would be the one dismantling it.

Passing a soothing hand through her partner's dark curls, Maura bit her lower lip and stared in front of her; looking for the right words.

"He is just worried about you... I know you don't want to be treated differently from any other of your colleagues and I understand but try to accept the idea that Cavanaugh was just trying to be..."

Jane scoffed and cut the honey blonde with a frustrated moan. Fists clenched, she nodded; tapping the edge of the couch with her feet, nervously.

"I know that. I do, I really do. But it's not the question."

Maura grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip. Shrugging, her hand abandoned her partner's hair to focus now on her face that she began to caress absentmindedly.

"Yet he is your boss, Jane. What... You are supposed to obey him."

Frowning – mumbling inaudible words – the brunette looked up at Maura. She envied her calm temper, the wisdom that seemed to emanate from it. Even as a child, Jane had always been the first one to jump around everywhere, reacting to everything within a second; not thinking twice about her decisions.

She wished she had Maura's composure; her serene attitude.

"You've never defied a figure of authority?"

Unable to lie, the honey blonde made a face before nodding reluctantly; images of her, riding a horse, fully naked to protest against budget cuts, rushing back to her mind. With a smile of satisfaction on her lips, Jane grabbed the book she had abandoned opened on her stomach and stared at one of the pictures printed on the page.

"Wait. Is this supposed to be the baby's position right now?"

Maura looked down at the illustration in the pregnancy and parenting book and nodded. Utterly lost – and perhaps slightly panicked – Jane swallowed hard before biting her nail.

"It wasn't the position on the ultra-sound picture I got on Monday. Oh man... Our child isn't normal, Maur'. Dammit! Everything goes wrong, today!"

Angry, Jane shut the book and discarded it on the coffee table before hiding her face under a cushion; her stifled moan of frustration still piercing through. Maura chuckled before such scene but restrained herself from making any comment about potential yoga and relaxation classes for pregnant women.

"The baby is perfectly normal – well proportioned – and healthy... It is just that she moves constantly. Which is also a sign of well-being."

Hesitantly, Jane pocked an eye through the cushion before discarding the piece of furniture and staring at Maura. She seemed unsure, slightly unconvinced. Pouting like a child, she groaned.

"A sign of well-being or stress induced by an idiot of a boss, you mean!"


	30. Page 225

**Chapter thirty **

The door broke under the pressure of Frost's foot and in perfect unison, the three detectives came in – gun in hand – checking carefully their surroundings.

A peaceful silence welcomed them. Not even the murmurs of a television turned on, abandoned at the last-minute. Going from one room to another, the conclusion seemed to appear clearly: the house was empty.

As adrenalin slowly faded away, Jane cast a glance at the portraits hung on the wall of the living-room. The perfect image of a perfect family.

She swallowed hard, bit her lower lip in a sign of anger and frustration; thinking how tricky all these appearances could be.

If there was one thing that she had learned through her years at the BPD, it was how the biggest monsters hid behind the friendliest faces.

"What the hell..."

The pain made her double up. Instinctively, she brought her hand to her lower stomach and stared at the floor. Her breath had become rough and loud; her mouth dry. Without a second, she felt vulnerable and terribly lonely. Scared. Not daring to move an inch, she heard footsteps on her left and soon enough a hand came to support her arm. It was Korsak.

"Jane, are you alright?"

Another wave of intense pain – something she had never experienced before – made her moan, clench her fists. She was six-month pregnant. It was way too early for anything like that. Besides, they hadn't even bought the slightest thing yet. Shaking away these pointless thoughts, Jane began to sob.

"There's something wrong with the baby."

She had never liked ambulance rides. Too much noise, too many machines around. And the feeling they were running against time; trying to save a life. Or two of them, this time.

Laid on the stretcher, Jane kept on staring intently at the ceiling of the ambulance. Perhaps she should have stopped earlier and listened to everyone. She had forced herself – putting aside the body pain and the effects of her pregnancy as if nothing special had been happening. And there she was, now. Rushed to the nearest hospital for worrying contractions. Her thoughts froze on Maura, all the things she made her go through unfairly enough. The honey blonde had done her best lately to sweeten their routine and all Jane had managed to do was put in danger their child's life. While he or she wasn't even born yet.

Maura deserved someone better. If she had had some doubts about it in the past, it was now obvious.

...

The door of the hospital bedroom flew opened and Maura appeared in the frame, holding a plastic bag. Slowly, the medical examiner came in; remained silent. Jane looked down at her hands, unable to look at her partner properly. She had never felt so stupid.

Maura's stilettos resounded loud on the floor. Too loud. Full of a cold anger, an impressive confidence. Soon, the steps came to a halt and a heavy silence wrapped them up. For long, interminable seconds.

"Braxton Hicks, John. Born in 1823. He was a English doctor who specialized in obstetrics; elected a Fellow of the Royal College of Physicians in 1866. In 1872, he described the uterine contractions not resulting in childbirth now known by everyone but you as Braxton Hicks contractions. Page 225 if by any chance you finally feel like reading properly your pregnancy and parenting book."

Slowly, Jane looked up at her partner. The blonde had stopped right in front of her – her arms crossed against her lower stomach – while an impassible expression had embraced her face. Nodding in defeat, the detective rolled her eyes and sighed loudly.

"I know. I made a fool of myself for the most random thing ever which pain has – apparently – not a lot to do with the atrocity I will go through in September... Happy?"

A smirk appeared on Maura's lips, soon melting into a frank giggle. Shaking her head, she looked at the monitor a nurse had turned off a few minutes earlier after having checked the baby's heartbeats.

"You surely make me live the hard way, Jane... I left in the middle of an autopsy."

Yet she wasn't angry but amused, which made the brunette relax immediately. Jane waved at the plastic bag; her curiosity now picked.

"What is it?"

Maura rose an inquisitive eyebrow and made a few steps to go sit on the bed by her partner's side.

"Your favorite dim-sums... For my favorite dimwit."

Jane smiled shyly and began to caress the scientist's arm; softly, at a regular peace. A gesture deprived of innocence: she knew that after a while, it drove Maura crazy and the honey blonde couldn't but say yes to whatever she asked for. A game of tender manipulation.

"Is it dinner time yet?"

A moan escaped from Maura's lips. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head backwards and sighed; taking her time to reply.

She had been scared when Korsak had called her to say that Jane was being rushed to the hospital for having heavy contractions. Scared and disarmed. The relief she felt now was hard to get or describe; some sort of lightness mixed with the warm sensation to be alive and well.

"I was thinking about a special evening, as a matter of fact... Maybe a massage, a bath..."

Jane chuckled and slightly blushed at the suggestion. She rarely expressed herself out loud on such level when Maura did it pretty much all the time. She liked it, but she was just shy; somehow.

"With candles?"

The medical examiner nodded and mischievously started planting kisses on Jane's neck; her lips warm against the brunette's skin.

"And maybe some music as well... Before centering more our activities on the bed..."

As if to accompany her words, Maura passed a hand under Jane's shirt then went up slowly until her fingertips brushed her partner's bra line.

For some reason, they had made love a lot more lately; their renewed intimacy reminding her of the first nights they had spent together after Jane had lost her bet and they had crossed the lines to never really come backwards. It was just a need – a powerful one – to feel the other's shivering flesh under burning lips and soft caresses.

Jane swallowed hard - passed her tongue over her lips – and stood up; straightening her clothes. Since everything was fine, she didn't have time to lose at the hospital. Especially after such an offer from her partner. She grabbed the ultra-sound pictures the medical staff had printed for her and headed towards the door.

"Alright. Let's go back home, now."

Maura grabbed her hand and smiled in triumph. At some point, she would have to manage and get Jane read the pregnancy and parenting book. At some point, she would have to push the doors of a store to buy furniture and a stroller. At some point, she would have to start thinking seriously about baby names and compose with Jane's own suggestions. At some point.

But for the moment, her priorities laid somewhere else. Jane's as well.


	31. The Mystery Of Bonding

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews, it's really nice of you. **_

**Chapter thirty-one**

All of a sudden, the open space fell into a heavy silence; the last footsteps vanishing in the hallway as the different units had left the building in this typical hurry that brought up adrenalin, an addicting one that – for once – didn't find any echo in Jane's body. Sat at her desk, the brunette looked around her – a bit disarmed – as the emptiness of the office seemed to wrap her up uncomfortably.

She was fine. The baby was fine. Braxton Hicks contractions were utterly random and could have got to her even if she had spent all her days in bed but deep inside, Jane had felt the urge to finally give in and slow down; if only a bit. She wouldn't go on any intervention for the next months.

After all, she still could help on cases without seeing the scenes. Pictures and reports would do the trick somehow. Not that she would escape from paperwork either. With a face of disgust, she looked at the pile of files next to her. The task could hardly bring any enthusiasm to her.

"Detective Rizzoli?"

A feminine – shy – voice made her look up immediately. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn't seen anyone coming; hadn't heard the slightest noise.

A woman in her late thirties was standing in front of her and looked rather intimidated; yet friendly. It was one of the administrative assistants, from another unit. Jane just didn't remember her name.

Before the brunette's silence, the woman smiled; shrugged.

"I know that you aren't used to err... Staying "in"... But if you want to join us at 10.30am for our daily breakfast break, you're more than welcome. The girls and I share homemade cakes and tea or coffee... Feel free to join, if you'd like it."

The offer took her aback. She had never heard of such daily reunion yet when she thought about it, she had to recognize that detectives and administrative assistants rarely interacted outside of a professional field. Touched, Jane smiled back shyly; cleared her voice.

"Will there be... Double chocolate muffins?"

Her false casual tone didn't pass unnoticed to the woman who burst out laughing before nodding. Arms crossed, she motioned at the detective's stomach.

"Craving chocolate? I got that too when I was expecting my daughter. There are worse things, I guess."

Jane rolled her eyes before chuckling. As much as she still talked to Rebecca Dowel, she didn't have a lot of interaction with other women who had experienced pregnancy.

She didn't have much friends and none of them had had children yet. Somehow, it was comforting to find a person who had gone through the same.

"Worse things, yeah... Except for my hips!"

…

"The lasagnas will be ready in forty minutes. Which means... We have plenty of time to take care of my little man!"

Discarding the tea towel on the kitchen island, Jane rushed to Maura who was holding TJ and began to tickle him. Immediately, the baby giggled and moved around; his high-pitched voice echoing Maura's giggling.

They liked babysitting him. If until now it had been a nice substitute to their absence of children, things would soon be different. TJ would have a cousin. Yet it wasn't a bad thing, on the contrary. It made the whole situation even sweeter.

All of a sudden, the little boy noticed Jane's stomach. Intrigued, he tended his hand towards it to touch it. Maura came closer, allowing him to finally make contact with his aunt's body. For long seconds, he didn't react; only observed. With a disturbing seriousness highlighting whatever thoughts were going on in his head. With all the softness in the world, the medical examiner imitated TJ's gesture and put her own hand on her partner's stomach before addressing Tommy's son.

"Who is in there? It is your cousin... Are you happy? I count on you to take care of her when she joins us. You will be her big cousin!"

Touched, Jane didn't say a word and looked how Maura planted a soft kiss on the baby's temple before passing a hand through his hair. The ringing of her phone took her out of her daydreams and groaning, she turned around to grab it.

"What is it, Frost?"

She was on call although since she didn't take part in interventions anymore, her schedule had changed and she could stay at home every evening; just making sure that her colleagues could reach her if they needed to.

Before the professional aspect of the conversation, Maura left Jane alone and stepped out in her patio; still holding TJ tightly against her.

She liked him. A lot. Through the months, the two of them had bonded almost mysteriously. The blonde was the only one who managed to calm him down. As a matter of fact – as soon as he found himself in her arms – TJ stopped moving and whining. And whenever Maura talked to him, he looked at her with his eyes wide opened;a large smile playing on his lips.

"Oh... Look at the stars in the sky, tonight. They're shining! Do you know them all already? Let's try to see which ones we can actually see."

Sitting on the wooden bench she had bought at an antique store a couple of weeks earlier, Maura settled there with TJ and motioned at the sky. Immediately, the baby looked up and began to babble.

"Of course, we have The Great Bear; with the square of The Big Dipper and the stars forming some sort of a long tail. When you are older, I will tell you all the stories that lay behind constellations. As my grandfather used to do with me. I will tell you and your cousin... Yes... We are having a baby. Big change, huh? ... You have no idea how happy I can be. It is... It is the most precious present Jane could ever offer to me. Let's just hope that I will be able to take care of our daughter properly... Do you think I will?"

She locked her eyes with the child and smiled at him as vulnerability embraced her features. It might have sounded stupid but lately, the scientist had started wondering if she had what it took to be a good mother. After all, her own parents hadn't been the best example she could now follow and babysitting TJ was far from giving her an idea of what her life would be once Jane gave birth. What if she failed? And would she really find her place in this family? She hadn't carried the baby. What would his or her reaction be when she held her child in her arms?

"I don't even question it."

Jane was standing against the door frame. As Maura looked at her, the blonde wondered for how long she had been there; listening to the conversation she had shared with the little boy. Enough time to have caught up her last remark, though. Slowly, the detective went to sit down on the bench. She tickled TJ one more time and laughed with him before looking up at Maura with a tender seriousness.

Her hand caressed the honey blonde's cheek; softly.

"I couldn't imagine a better person to raise a child with."

Maura's shy – touched – smile melted in a kiss as Jane bent over to capture her lips. The night was clear and the air warm; the neighborhood quiet. TJ's babbling rocking her peacefully as the warmness of Jane's touch comforted her.

It was just a perfect evening.


	32. Action Figure

_**Author's note: it is some kind of a hiatus chapter after learning about Lee Thompson Young's death. I hope you won't mind much...**_

**Chapter thirty-two**

Maura had never been messy. Already as a child, she used to be well organized and neat; for any kind of activity, even the crafty ones. She couldn't help it. Things had to look perfect, from the result of her actions to the process that led to it. Yet as she looked up from the collage she was working on, it struck her that things had changed if only a little. Pictures were scattered all over the table – bits of paper left haphazardly around – while a dozen of felt pens had rolled on the floor. It had to be Jane's influence.

The brunette didn't have the same definition of what constituted a tidy place.

Mumbling against herself for such chaos, the honey blonde grabbed a picture and positioned it right in the middle of the montage. The shot had been taken in Boston Common, back in September. Jane and her had decided to go for a picnic and had ended up taking many pictures of themselves to try the new cam that the medical examiner had just bought. She liked that shot a lot although after long seconds of uncertainty, she decided that it didn't have its place there; perhaps on the left side of her collage instead.

Her thoughts got interrupted by the door bell. Slightly happy to have a break from what was turning into a brainstorm, Maura stood up and went to open the door.

"Oh. Detective Frost..."

Jane's colleague's presence took her completely aback. Except for a few drinks at The Dirty Robber, it was rare they shared moments outside of work. Yet she appreciated him a lot – his peaceful temper contrasting with her partner's strong one – and was always glad to see him around. He was more than a mere colleague.

"Doctor Isles... Is Jane here?"

A fine drizzle was covering the streets of Boston on that quiet evening. Immediately, she invited him to enter; closed the door behind him.

Casting a glance at the mess she was responsible for on the coffee table nearby, Maura blushed and twisted her hands nervously. Her parents would have been ashamed of her if they had seen how she treated her guests and in what kind of place she dared to invite them.

"She went to walk Jo Friday but she should be back soon. Is everything alright?"

Frost nodded – smiled – but suddenly looked uncomfortable as if he had the feeling to disturb Maura. Warmly, the blonde motioned at the kitchen island before walking towards it.

"Would you like a drink in the meantime? I am deeply sorry for the mess. I... I was in the middle of a collage."

The man looked briefly at the coffee table and smiled, accepting the glass of wine Maura was offering him. They settled there, on the high stools.

"It's for the baby, right? My parents did that too for me. They had made a collage with pictures of them before framing it and hanging it in my bedroom. I guess I still have it somewhere..."

Maura laughed lightly and took a sip of wine. A few days earlier, Jane and her had finally stepped into the guest room – that would soon be transformed into the nursery – and had begun to discuss colors and material. The photo collage had come up by itself and almost immediately, she had printed a series of shots she had taken with Jane.

She wanted to offer her child a homemade present; something she had never had herself and that would have its importance, if only on an emotional level.

"I'm happy for the two of you. I... I'm glad Jane finally accepted what seemed so evident for everybody but her."

Quietly, Maura kept on sipping on her wine while listening to him. Frost's confession surprised her a lot – mainly because he didn't use to allude to such things, at least not with her – but she was touched. He seemed to be sincere; kind.

"You know, the whole BPD had placed bets on the two of you."

This time, Maura laughed frankly; openly and loud. Shaking her head – a hand over her mouth – she opened her eyes wildly in a mock of faint horror.

"Did we help you hit the jackpot?"

Frost pouted – shrugged – and started playing with his glass of wine. Not uncomfortably, though. As usual when Maura was around and there was no dead body to autopsy, he seemed to enjoy conversing with the scientist. Perhaps more than what people would have assumed in the first place.

"I have my hopes over the baby bets, actually."

The honey blonde was amused by such revelations. Had she been genuine, too blind before what their colleagues might have thought about Jane and her? At no moment had she imagined that other people might have sensed that they would end up being together. Learning that bets had been placed upon them took her aback completely. Yet she found it funny.

"Jane and I are an endless source of entertainment, I see..."

The comment made him blush slightly. Hiding his nervousness behind a laugh, Frost shrugged; sighed. As much as he had his very own remarks to deal with from his colleagues, he knew what women had to go through when they worked at the BPD; how tough it was for them to finally gain respect. Yet Maura and Jane had, because they were good at their job and people couldn't but recognize that.

"I've placed my bets on you having a girl. Perhaps it'll soften Jane a little..."

The scientist smiled brightly. Frost was right, about many things.

"Will she have the right to play with your doll?"

The man scoffed - shook his head - then rolled his eyes.

"Action figure... Anyway, this is great. You... You're lucky. Enjoy it. Everyone doesn't get the chance to live what the two of you are having."

Something appeared behind his remark – behind the soft smile that embraced his lips – and for a little moment, Maura observed his face in silence; frowning. A confession through half words, a bitter one. Slowly, she finally approached her hand from his and pressed it tightly before locking her eyes with his.

"I am sure that you will find someone and this woman will have a lot of luck to have you in her life."

The main door flew open and Jane stormed in; putting an abrupt end to the unusual – unexpected – yet touching conversation Maura and Frost had been having. Surprised by such visit, the brunette smiled – unleashed Jo Friday – and discarded her rain coat before making it to the kitchen island.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

Grabbing a bottle of orange juice abandoned on the counter, she poured herself a glass and took a sip.

Drinking alcohol free beverages was slightly unnerving but in spite of Maura saying that she was in her right to have a glass of wine every two days or so, she preferred to stick to juices and water. If only to not feel guilty towards herself; towards the baby.

"I brought you the last pieces of information we received this evening regarding the human traffic."

Jane nodded – suddenly a lot more serious – then smiled enthusiastically.

"If you don't have any plan, stay for dinner. We'll talk about it over the meal."

The brunette looked at her partner who nodded in agreement and smiled back at Frost.

They didn't have much friends – barely a few they could count on the fingers of one hand – and the detective was one of them. He wasn't just a mere colleague. He was one of their strongest life references.


	33. All About Names

**Chapter twenty-three**

"Merit-Ptah."

Piece of _nam_ in hand – a few inches away from the _tatziki_ plate – Jane looked up at Maura in a mock of sheer horror. Completely unaware of the peculiarity of her comment, the honey blonde kept on eating – a peaceful smile embracing her lips. As a matter of fact, she even looked delighted to be asked about an opinion on the subject; like an old fantasy of hers that would finally make her feel like being part of the world.

Jane took a deep breath – swallowed hard – then cleared her voice. All of a sudden, she wasn't hungry anymore and the _hummus_ could wait for a while; just like the piece of _nam_ she was still holding.

"This is really how you would like to call our daughter?"

Slightly surprised by her partner's incomprehension, the scientist nodded and with all the innocence in the world, ended up shrugging as confusion invaded her.

Maura always meant what she said, all these facts she could advance. Each of them made sense – in one way or another – and was the result of a long thinking process; a typically scientific analysis.

Bending over the table, the blonde offered Jane a bright smile.

"Merit-Ptah was an early physician in Ancient Egypt and is most notable to be the first woman known by name in the history of the field of medicine. Possibly the first named woman in all science as well. Her picture can be seen on a tomb in the necropolis near the step pyramid of Saqqara. Her son, a high priest, described her as "The Chief Physician"..."

Of course. As Jane settled further on her seat, her feelings got mixed; as usual when it came to Maura. It was the sweetest confession the medical examiner could have made yet also the most terrible one on a daily life plan for their future child. The honey blonde was a science geek and would always be one. No mattered what.

"At least, it isn't a name you will hear very often!"

The detective scoffed – chuckled – and finally resumed eating. After all, she couldn't take a three-hour lunch break just because a baby name conversation would have turned wrong. Cavanaugh would not appreciate it much.

"And small wonder why it's not... Maur', the idea is very beautiful. I like it a lot, I really do. But there's no way I accept to call someone Merit-Ptah. Also – and as much as I appreciate this brand new instinct of yours – we still have to think about boy names too."

They had two months left – unless the baby showed up earlier than expected – which meant they didn't have to agree on a name immediately. Yet for the first time and in spite of their latest constant attempts to push away people's harassing questions about the subject, they had finally given in and were slowly understanding how hard the task to choose one would be.

Maura rose her hands in defeat and shrugged before biting her lower lip. Being in a relationship meant agreeing on concessions; or at least listening to your partner's complains and own ideas. She wouldn't refuse that to Jane.

"Fine. What kind of names do you like, then? Any baseball player I should check on Wikipedia to see if it could just fit in, maybe?"

Maura's unusual sarcasm didn't pass unnoticed to Jane who stared at her in disbelief before she finally burst out laughing. Surprised by such a move from the scientist, the brunette shook her head evasively.

This old timidity she hated about herself was creeping back in; the one that wouldn't allow her to open frankly about her feelings, at no moment whatsoever. Only a latent discomfort seemed to settle in.

"I don't know... Perhaps something Irish or Italian... Yet nothing odd either. I mean, have you checked our middle names, recently? Dorthea and Clementine. We can't do that to our kid."

Biting into a piece of _nam_ covered in _tarama_, Maura let a soft smile embrace her lips. It was obvious that Jane had checked out names on the web even if she wouldn't recognize it. She probably had a list somewhere as well. But she would reveal it piece by piece – little by little – as she always did when a personal matter was targeted.

Sharing the brunette's life required patience. Maura knew it.

"How about Alice?"

Jane pouted and sincerely pondered the suggestion; squinting her eyes at an invisible point behind her partner's shoulder. It was neither Irish nor Italian but she could – eventually – picture out her child being named like that.

But as her daydream faded away, her eyes fell on Maura's barely hidden smirk. Calmly, the detective discarded her napkin then rested her hands on the table.

"Okay. Who is she?"

Maura's genuine smile melted into a mock of utter disappointment as she realized that her subterfuge hadn't worked out this time. Moving nervously on her chair, she tried to look casual; fidgeting her hair while looking aside.

"There might have been an Alice Bunker Stockham, from Chicago... Who was an obstetrician and a gynecologist back in the 19th century... She used to promote gender equality, dress reform and birth control... But it is pure coincidence...! ... Okay... It isn't."

Jane rolled her eyes and groaned out of frustration. If it went on, it wasn't a daycare they should look for but a medical school for new-born babies. She grabbed Maura's hand – pressed it softly – as her eyes met her partner's.

"What do you have in store for boys? Not that I'm eager to know after all this."

…

"As you see, the trachea has been slightly..."

The doors of the autopsy room flew open, interrupting Maura's explanation to the few medical school students who had come to attend her dissection. Immediately, the scientist looked up from the cadaver and watched with incredibility as Jane entered.

Fists in the air – in a sign of victory – the detective let a scream of satisfaction pass her lips. Barely aware of the audience, she locked her dark eyes into her partner's ones and smiled excitedly.

"I got it! Are you ready to hear it? Alessandra... What do you think? Like Alessandra Giliani."

Lost and a bit embarrassed before the group of students, Maura passed her tongue over her lips – cast a glance at her future colleagues – and straightened up; scalpel in hand.

After a few seconds of silence, a confused smile welcomed Jane's words.

"Alessandra Giliani. Born in San Giovanni in Persiceto, in the Italian province of Emilia-Romagna in the 14th century. She was the first woman recorded in historical documents as practicing pathology... And had a remarkable reputation as a prosecutor... She worked as the surgical assistant to Mondino de' Luzzi, a world-renowned professor at the medical school of the University of Bologna. She actually carried out her own anatomical investigations, developing a method of draining the blood from a corpse and replacing it with a hardening colored dye; and possibly adding to our understanding of the coronary-pulmanory circulatory system... She died at the age of 19, probably a septic wound."

Unsure of what the explanation stood for, the students were feverishly taking notes nonetheless; just in case. Seeing Maura was still not getting her point, Jane motioned the anteroom for some more privacy. The medical examiner excused herself – took her latex gloves off – and followed her partner.

"I am not sure to understand what Alessandra Giliani has to do with the baby traffic case, Jane."

The brunette rolled her eyes before shaking her head in defeat. Her excitement had slightly diminished before Maura's obvious incomprehension.

"I was talking about the baby. Our baby. How about Alessandra? As a name. Do you like it? It's like... Both, Italian and related to medicine. Damn, even related to pathology!"

Visibly taken aback by the remark, Maura looked down at Jane's stomach; weighing in the news as a thousand wonders were bumping into each other in her head. In a discreet motion, the brunette grabbed her hand; caressed the back of it with her thumb.

"We'd call her Aly..."

Jane's voice resounded softly, almost as if she were intimidated by her own suggestion. Soon, a bright smile appeared on Maura's lips; confirming she liked the idea.

"And if it is a boy...?"

Surprised that Maura could imagine such a possibility after months of utter certainty, Jane frowned but didn't let herself submerge by her partner's reaction.

"Ben, like in Antonio Benivieni... You will never be able to marry the guy so why not finding another way to pay tribute to him. Besides, he's Italian so it works for me."

Jane remembered it. They had talked about it once – a long time ago – and as much as she had found it rather gruesome to say the least, the brunette had never forgotten about it. Just like she had probably spent the last hours on the web looking for an Italian girl name related to medicine.

Touched, Maura brought a hand to her heart and smiled.

"Oh, Jane..."

Satisfied of her announcement effect, the detective checked her cell phone – cast a glance at the bunch of students observing them through the windows – and motioned at the hallway.

"I have to go, now. I'll see you later, okay? The girls brought homemade muffins. The break's at 3.30pm, I can't miss it. There's double chocolate and all. Well, you get it."


	34. In Order To Belong To The Right Crowd

**Chapter thirty-four**

"Valeria... Let me introduce you to my daughter, Maura."

Glass of champagne in hand, the honey blonde smiled politely at the woman standing in front of her; an artist in her mid-fifties her mother had insisted her to meet.

But as soon as the scientist shook Valeria's hand, Constance Isles flew away to another group of guests requiring her presence to clarify something in their discussion.

"Your mother talks a lot about you... Chief medical examiner, is that right? And you are expecting..."

Valeria's smile froze as her eyes landed on Maura's stomach. All of a sudden, the artist's cheeks turned red and embarrassed – confused – she didn't manage to finish her sentence.

The fact Constance had talked to her friends about her was more surprising to the scientist than Valeria's sudden questioning. She had never imagined that her mother alluded to her to anyone but her family. And yet, her relatives probably never asked much about her either. The Isles weren't well known for the effusion of some family spirit.

"My partner is due in September. She is the one who carries our child."

For a tiny second, Maura regretted that Jane had stayed at home. If the brunette had accompanied her, it would have been easier and she would have felt more secure. Almost powerful.

Not as vulnerable and desperately clutched to her champagne as she was now.

"Oh."

There was no anger – even less disgust – in Valeria's voice but simply a nuance of utter surprise. Maura hated when it happened. Every single time, she felt completely disarmed before people's reaction; a tad unsure before what she was supposed to add or do.

Apparently, she didn't fit in; didn't match whatever label her status made her belong to.

"She was a bit tired, tonight. She didn't come. Besides, she had files to review and documents to read. She is in the middle of a complicated case. She is... She is a homicide detective."

If there had been a mirror placed in front of her, Maura could have bet that the reflect would have sent back the image of her glimmering eyes – her peaceful grin – and this air of defiance and pride as soon as she talked about Jane. She couldn't help it. Her reaction was always the same whenever she alluded to the detective. She was in love. It simply showed.

"Isn't it... Isn't her job dangerous given the circumstances?"

Maura took a sip of her drink and relaxed. At least Valeria was trying to make conversation in spite of the so-called bomb she had dropped earlier. When she announced that she lived with a woman, people usually became extremely nervous and – embarrassed – ended up mumbling vague apologies to leave.

Only a few didn't fly away, although most of the time their desire to keep on talking was only driven by a delicate curiosity over the honey blonde's sexual preferences.

Would it always be like that? Would she always be looked at differently for being in love with a woman and not a man? And if so, would she ever get used to it?

A bit disarmed before the fact Valeria had pointed out, Maura shrugged and tried to formulate a reply. Except something had faded away, something that laid deep within her. Her enthusiasm, perhaps. Or her innocence.

And if a smile was still embracing her lips, it was now a bitter one.

…

As she closed the door behind her, Maura realized that she had never felt happier to be back home. The evening had gone smoothly – the art exhibition highly interesting – but all in all, she had only wanted to find Jane back and cuddle in bed next to her. Without losing more time, she abandoned her stilettos by the door and took the stairs up to the first floor.

"How did it go?"

The brunette looked up from the novel she was reading to welcome her with a soft smile that Maura soon captured with her lips. Shrugging, the scientist looked aside before turning back on her heels to head to the bathroom.

"Fine..."

Jane wouldn't miss her lack of enthusiasm, even less her lack of effusion over the exhibition. But the honey blonde didn't mind. She was tired – slightly bothered – and didn't feel the desire to pretend that everything was alright. Without a word, she came back to the master bedroom – wearing her deep red silky pajamas – and slipped under the blanket to finally settle against her partner. Absentmindedly, she began to draw invisible circles over Jane's prominent stomach.

As expected, the detective sensed that something was wrong and discarding her book on the bedside table, she rolled on her side to face Maura.

"What is it? Something happened?"

The scientist shrugged and visibly uncomfortable – unsure of the way she was supposed to bring it out – she avoided Jane's dark eyes that were heavily weighing on her. After long seconds of hesitation, she pulled on the brunette's tank top and sighed.

"How... How do people react when they ask you about the baby's father and you tell them there isn't any because you live with a woman? I mean... Do you accept their reaction? Do they seem surprise?"

Jane rose an eyebrow. She hadn't expected that. Not just because Maura had more experience with women than she had but because it had never crossed her mind. As a matter of fact, she had a hard time remembering if that had ever happened to her at all.

"Why, did someone tell something to you? Something bad?"

The medical examiner immediately shook her head. She hadn't got any negative remark and didn't want Jane to get angry over such a misunderstanding.

The detective might not have been jealous, she was at least extremely protective and wouldn't accept such a thing.

"No, it isn't that. It is... I don't know. Whenever they learn that I live with a woman, they look surprised – if not just shocked – and then it is over. Out of nervousness or embarrassment, they find any kind of excuse to stop the conversation and leave. As if... I don't know. As if I was bothering them somehow."

It had happened a few days earlier as well when – while window shopping through Boston – Maura had stopped by a store specialized in baby furniture. Just to see, to check what they had. She hadn't missed how the salesperson had seemed to be taken aback when she had let him understand that she was with a woman. And as much as he had done his job – showing her different things around – she had felt how it had been wrong; how something had ceased to work out the moment she had announced this part of her personal life.

"Why giving a damn to what people say? And well... Hard to blame them if they're surprised. After all, people still assume beforehand that everyone is in a straight relationship. You can't do much against it, Maur'. As long as they're not insulting or something... It's just... It's just too deep in our society to think otherwise first... And you're the epitome of femininity so you know, the cliched and all..."

For years Maura had assumed that if one of them would have difficulties to face the daily routine of a same-sex relationship, it would have been Jane. Yet the brunette was proving her wrong, tonight. Over the last few months – since they had made their couple official – the detective had assumed it without the slightest doubt. Maura loved it, as much as she found it surprising. She had no problem herself with the relation – on the contrary – but with the way people reacted to it.

There was something disappointing in it.

"That is because you never grew up being the kid everyone left aside, the one people laughed at. I did not belong the cool crowd and even if I hid myself behind books and science, deep inside I would have died to be accepted among them. I would have died to be popular. And today, people's reaction remind me of this. Nothing has changed... I am still the one people don't know what to do with. I hate that."

But she loved Jane, more than anyone else in the world. And she would never put that back in question. As a shy smile lit up her features, Maura leaned up on her elbow and locked her eyes with her partner's. Jane looked sorry; moved.

Slowly, the honey blonde approached her hand from the detective's cheek to caress it with a tender delicacy.

"At least, I have you. And you are worth any crowd."

In an echo to Jane's smile, Maura bent over for a long – urging – kiss; her hands slowly sliding down her partner's body while her leg came to place itself between the brunette's suggestively.


	35. Building The Future From The Past

**Chapter thirty-five**

It was a beautiful day, spring slowly fading away embraced by the warm temperatures of the beginning of July. Hand in hand, Jane and Maura were peacefully walking through the alleys of Boston Common – admiring in silence flowers in full blossom, children running around – while the sun slid on their skin with a comforting warmth. Just another weekend in the city, a pleasant one. None of them were on call and they hadn't planned anything special.

"Jane?"

The incredulous voice made her freeze literally in the middle of a path, putting an abrupt end to the talk she was having with the honey blonde about a centenarian cedar from Lebanon. Something set off – in her body – from the rush of adrenalin through her veins to the first signs of a frank panic.

She hadn't forgotten about him. How could she, anyway? The tone of his voice was engraved in some corner of her brain for the rest of her life; that she liked it or not. Swallowing hard, she finally looked up and took her sunglasses off. Her hand let go of Maura's. Involuntarily. Subconsciously.

"Casey."

As taken aback by the unexpected encounter as her partner, the medical examiner's eyes went from the man standing in front of them to Jane's hand as she rested it on her stomach.

The baby had moved.

Although not for a lack of room but because of the reactions experienced by the brunette's body. Their daughter had felt it. Something had happened and she let them know that she had got it.

…

"Stop releasing your nervousness on these tomatoes, Jane. They haven't done anything to you and we aren't trying to make mash out of them."

Knife in hand, the detective looked at Maura who was standing on the other side of the kitchen island and scoffed; falsely offended. After all, she wouldn't be in such a state right now if the honey blonde hadn't invited Casey for dinner. What kind of partner suggested a nice evening at home with your ex? But on the moment – slightly under the shock of seeing him in Boston – Jane had remained quiet and only realized what Maura had done when they had reached back Beacon Hill.

"Your sense of hospitality will kill me, Maur'. I hope you know this... I can't believe you did that. This is going to be the oddest evening ever. And look at me: I'm huge and turned into a yoga pants addict."

Not that she wanted to look sexy for Casey. But deep inside, she wanted to show him that she did have moved on; that she had never felt happier in her life than right now. Which was true. Except she looked like nothing and was seven-month pregnant.

Pouring olive oil on a chicken, Maura chuckled. As usual, she seemed in control of the situation; perfectly calm.

"Then go change. Have a shower and get ready. I can deal with the rest of the cooking, it is all fine to me."

Jane's dark eyes stopped on the kitchen counter and scanned the mess they had left behind them. There was no way that she left Maura dealing alone with this. It was as much her role as her partner's.

A long moan escaped from her lips. Shaking her head, she made a face and began to dance on her feet before attacking a new tomato.

"Give me five minutes or three hours and you know I'll look the same, anyway. We both know miracles don't exist, for god's sake... And, I don't know. It's not just that. He's a bad reminder of the high school reunion I'll be invited to in a few months. Gosh, I can already hear the remarks. _Got a kid but not even married. What a life._ I'm sure he thinks alike... I refused Casey's domestic life as soon as he tried, you can be sure I'll always been seen as the whatever rebel of some sort. But not in a good way."

Hands plunged in flour, Maura looked up from the bowl and tilted her head on a side; observing Jane in silence. Was it what it was all about, in the end? The fear of remarks, of people gossiping in her back?

"Then let's get married."

All of a sudden, the sound of the knife torturing a tomato stopped. Blank, the brunette stared at Maura; unsure of what she was supposed to say. The scientist had blurted it out very matter-of-factly, as if she had announced that it would be raining on the next day. Not at all troubled by her suggestion, she was focused on the flour.

"What?"

Pushing away a strand of hair from her face – leaving some flour on her cheek bone - Maura shrugged and finally locked her eyes with Jane's. She was neither smiling nor smirking.

"Why not, after all. I know that we have never really thought about it until now but perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea... And it would make things easier regarding our child. Administratively speaking."

The medical examiner was right, on every single point. Marriage had never been part of their plan nor had it floated around like an old fantasy they could have had. But perhaps it wasn't a bad option, now.

"Administratively speaking? I didn't know you were _that _romantic, Maur'."

The blonde rolled her eyes and smirked back at her partner before holding her hands covered in flour up in the air.

"And I didn't know you were _that _old-school, Jane. You really want me to kneel down in front of you to ask you to marry me? While I am in the middle of cooking?"

The detective pouted, sightly delighted by the scene; amused. As a matter of fact, she had almost got to the point where Casey coming for dinner was a blurry memory; barely perceptible.

But Maura mistook her silence for uncertainty and sighing loudly, she grabbed a tiny string abandoned on the counter then approached Jane before kneeling down in front of her.

Without the mere hesitation – her eyes locked with her partner's dark ones – she tied the string to Jane's ring finger in a beautiful knot and rose an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, would you like to marry me?"

For long seconds, the brunette looked at Maura with incredibility; not daring to move nor talk while her brain tried to analyze how they had reached such point in their conversation. When had it drifted in this direction, exactly?

As a timidity enveloped her, she cleared her voice and fidgeted her hair.

"You... You're serious?"

For the first time since the very beginning, the honey blonde grinned as she nodded vehemently; still holding Jane's hand, not minding much how incongruous the scene must have looked like - her covered in flour, in an apron with locks of hair escaping from her loose bun.

"Come on, stand up..."

Maura obeyed – passed her arms around her partner's waist – and waited for an answer. Something was shining in her eyes; a flame burning there, of quiet excitement.

"So, do you want to marry me?"

A chuckle slid on Jane's lips. She cast a glance at her finger where the string had been tied, pretending to admire a diamond engagement ring. Pouting, she slowly nodded.

"Yeah... I guess I wouldn't have much to say against the idea, actually."

As she looked back at Maura, her grin echoed the honey blonde's one. No. Getting married to the scientist was definitely not a bad idea.


	36. You Belong To The Family

_**Author's note: thank you very much for the review; one more time, I really appreciate them!**_

**Chapter thirty-six**

The pen crashed to the floor, resounding loud in the empty room. Jane looked down at it and sighed as signs of distress spread on her face. A quick glance around to make sure that nobody was there and she abandoned the files she was carrying on a desk nearby before grabbing the edge of it to squat.

The extra weight of her body threw her off balance and she had no choice but to kneel down to avoid falling on the floor. In a quick gesture, she grabbed the pen – put it on the desk – and began the hard task to get back up on her feet. She looked ridiculous and she knew it. Thankfully, nobody was around to witness the scene.

Exhausted by such efforts, she reached her own chair and let herself fall in it; head backwards, breathing loudly.

She hated it. She absolutely hated it. From her incapacity to go on scenes with her team to the difficulty she had to make the slightest move, she was tired of being pregnant. Her lower back was killing her – reducing her nights to a couple of hours of sleep – while watching her reflection in a mirror had turned into a torture.

And as if it weren't enough, making love was becoming more and more challenging too.

Her stomach was huge. Everyone said it, with more or less diplomacy. To the point she was often asked if she was expecting twins. Fighting back tears of frustration and fatigue, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Her life was a mess, a sweet one though. She had said yes to an out-of-the-blue proposal – that none of them had talked about to anyone yet – one of her exes was back to town for a reason she wasn't sure to understand and the nursery wasn't ready while she could give birth at any moment. Or at least in theory.

The nursery. Immediately, she visualized the four paint brushstrokes Maura and her had left on one of the walls. They still had to choose a proper color. And buy furniture. Everything remained to be done. The only thing ready was her bag for the hospital waiting near the front door. Just in case she went into labor earlier than expected.

Although even for that – psychologically - she wasn't ready.

A drop of sweat slid along her nape before vanishing under her shirt to embrace her spine. They would have a hot summer, with temperatures way too high for her condition. As she opened her eyes again, a small kick made her jump. Passing a soothing hand on her stomach, she smiled at it.

"Yeah, I know you're there. No need to remind me about it every five seconds, okay?"

Jane waited for a minute – eyes fixed on her belly – and finally smiled brightly as the kicks stopped. Perhaps parenting wasn't too complicated.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

…

"_I always knew that it would be you. She never stopped talking about you. All the time. And when she did, something started glimmering in her eyes. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't true but I guess it became more and more evident after a while. That's why I left. Once and for all. I'm glad you found each other at last. You've lost enough time like that."_

Casey's words had never left her.

Since they had talked in her kitchen – while Jane had left them for a few minutes – his confession had settled in Maura's mind to never leave her again. She had considered her gesture towards him as behavioral therapy. Since the very beginning, she had been jealous; way too much.

Inviting Casey over for dinner hadn't been easy but she had felt the urge to do so. For herself, to prove to herself that she had no reason to look at the others as potential dangers. Jane loved her. There was no reason to be afraid of losing her.

Slightly nervous, she cast a glance around her – at the groups of people scattered on the beach – and let a sigh pass her lips.

Jane was late. She had left the BPD a while ago but had probably got stuck in traffic. Perhaps spending the evening there wasn't a good idea and Maura should have simply organized everything at home. She had simply assumed that a different view from the one of their living-room would be nice; refreshing.

But when she thought about it, it might have been stress inducing as well and the brunette didn't need any of it.

Lost in half-regrets, she didn't see Jane arrive until the moment the detective stopped right in front of her. Maura barely held back a gasp of surprise. For a few seconds, she didn't move – didn't say a word – until a smile embraced her lips and she grinned.

"You... Are wearing a dress."

Although the affirmation sounded more like a question. It was unexpected yet Jane had finally put on a cotton ankle-length dress they had bought a while ago. Empire waist, flare. White.

The brunette pouted – rolled her eyes – and twisted her hands nervously. She had got enough remarks when she had left the BPD. Positive ones, though. But still.

"I might be able to move more freely in a dress right now than in pants... But don't get used to it either. I can tell you it won't last. As soon as I'm back to normal, I'll go again with _my_ clothes. The ones you hate so much."

Maura smiled softly at her partner's stubbornness and pressed her hand as Jane sat at the table. It wasn't a fancy restaurant as where they could have gone to downtown but the murmur of the ocean only a few feet away from the terrace balanced it.

Soon a waiter arrived – took their drink order – and the blonde knew that it was now or never.

"Jane."

Gulping down an olive, the detective looked up as her partner called her name and frowned before the obvious nervousness Maura was lost into.

Something made her panic, perhaps the fact that the scientist usually controlled her nerves unless something bad was happening. Either way, she didn't like it.

"Yeah?"

Maura grabbed her bag – rummaged around in it – before taking something out of it. A little box – red velvet – squared. Jane swallowed hard as she realized what it was.

In spite of the loud waves crashing in the background, they both heard the metallic click as the honey blonde opened the box only to reveal a thin white gold ring set with an emerald. Simple, delicate. Elegant. Old.

"It was my grandmother's engagement ring. She gave it to my mother when she got married and the last time my mother came to Boston, she gave it to me. I know that we hadn't planned on getting married or that my proposal was out of the blue and not very romantic... And I know I should be the one wearing it but... I want it to be you, not me. I want it to be the way I ask you to marry me."

Blushing, Maura passed the ring on Jane's finger and remained quiet; observing in the silence the way the jewel embraced her partner's suntanned skin. The detective cleared her voice with shyness.

"So it's official, now?"

The brunette's dark eyes locked with the scientist's as she bit her lower lip; lost between timidity and a wave of emotions she didn't know what to do with. Maura shrugged in response. Almost innocently.

"If you haven't changed your mind..."

Jane giggled – leaned over the table to capture Maura's lips in a soft kiss – before laughing against her mouth. She was happy. It was as simple as that.

And her mother would be thrilled. She finally did have a doctor in the family.


	37. Prenatal Tupperware Parties And Weddings

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews, it's always a pleasure to read them.**_

**Chapter thirty-seven**

Without knocking on the door, Angela entered by the kitchen door but abruptly stopped as she noticed Jane and Maura on the couch. The honey blonde was facing her partner – feet up on her stomach – and was plunged in the reading of what looked like a medical publication while the detective was applying nail varnish on the scientist's toenails; a voice talking in some obscure language in the background.

"What's happening here?"

Both women finally looked up from their respective tasks to focus on Angela until Maura noticed how Jane's mother was staring at her feet resting on her partner's stomach. Very matter-of-fact, the scientist shrugged; smiled softly.

"It is the perfect level for Jane to not have to bend over."

Still incredulous, Angela looked at her daughter as if she had lost her mind but the detective nodded in an echo of what Maura had just said. Nail varnish bottle in hand, the brunette cleared her voice.

"What? It's just like a table. She's not crushing anyone."

With her typical peaceful smile, Maura focused back on her reading and grabbed her mug to take a sip of tea. Angela didn't insist. She had never herself seen her pregnant stomach as an opportunity to use it one way or another but perhaps her daughter's generation had different habits. Incongruous ones.

"And who's the woman talking? What is she saying?"

The medical examiner put back her mug on the coffee table and rose a finger in the air to catch Jane's mother attention before shutting the magazine she had been reading.

"Audio stimulation. It has been a while since the baby can hear our voices – and recognize us – which also means it is the perfect time for the brain to assimilate different languages. Today is Mandarin."

Astounded, Angela picked the CD cover that Maura pointed out on the coffee table and stared at it; not sure of what she was supposed to say. Somehow, she found it typical from the medical examiner. She was just surprised that her daughter had given in. Unless Jane had simply abdicated, for whatever reason.

"I don't want my grandchild to talk a mix of English and Mandarin!"

As the brunette saw Maura open her mouth to give a way too expected – and way too incomprehensible – explanation to the reason why it wouldn't happen, she squeezed her partner's foot to prevent her from doing so and simply shook her head at her mother.

"It won't happen, ma'. Take it as a plus if she – or he – ever wants to take karate classes."

Maura cringed at the sport reference that alluded to a Japanese and not Chinese martial art but she did not say a word and concentrated instead on the clipboard that Angela was holding. Obviously, she was up to something; something that had a high percentage of chance to go on Jane's nerves. As usual.

Confirming Maura's apprehension, Angela shook her head – rolled her eyes – and played with the pen she was holding; tapping it against her lips.

"Anyway, I'm not here for linguistic classes... Green almond or white?"

This time, it turned out to be Jane who looked at her in confusion. With all the quietness in the world – that Maura identified right away as a cold anger already boiling within her – the detective put the nail varnish bottle on the coffee table and squinted her eyes at her mother.

"For what...?"

Angela shrugged – danced on her feet nervously – and sighed, visibly frustrated. Nobody was helping her in this story.

"Why, for the baby shower!"

Maura made a face and bit her lower lip before hiding back behind her science publication in the hope that she would escape from the storm that was about to happen. Within a second, Jane growled before rolling her eyes in exasperation.

"Have you already forgotten what I said? No. Baby. Shower."

An expression of utter distress spread on Angela's face. Immediately, she turned towards Maura to find there some support. The scientist hated conflicts. She wasn't good at dealing with them. It wasn't in her genes and even less in her education. The more she could avoid them, the better. She forced a smile and shrugged at Jane's mother.

"You know... Baby showers are quite rare in European countries. Most of the time, people wait for the baby to be born in order to offer gifts. I guess... I guess we can do that. It is all fine to me."

Grinning triumphantly, Jane nodded and straightened up on the couch; moving a cushion she had put in her back.

"Anything that will make me avoid some sort of prenatal Tupperware party. I mean, come on. I hate all these things; all pink and blue and blah. But yeah. What Maura said. Let's wait for September."

Angela's lips began to tremble – out of frustration and disappointment. Feeling deeply sorry for her, the honey blonde looked at her partner and asked her in silence to do something but Jane knew better than to give in her mother's implicit whims. She would stand firmly on her positions; as usual.

"So no baby shower, no wedding..."

Jane stopped her immediately. Hand in the air, the brunette shook her head before waving at her finger where Maura's grandmother's ring was glimmering.

"There _is _a wedding. We're getting married. We just don't want anything big."

Maura smiled softly. Not daring to add a single thing, she simply looked down at her own hand where the ring Jane had offered her a week earlier was standing proudly. The diamonds were shining.

"And what a wedding it's gonna be! You will just go to the city hall and then we will have a picnic in Boston Common. No ceremony, no big party. I hope you will, at least, wear a dress."

Like for every single important decision they had taken about their couple, Jane and Maura had decided to go for something quiet. They had settled on a date – in August – when their friends and family could be there but there wouldn't be any special preparation; no tradition whatsoever. They wanted something simple, no stress inducing and friendly enough.

"Considering I can barely fit in any type of yoga pants anymore, I'm sure I'll wear a dress but certainly not a wedding one. This will never happen. Never ever. To fulfill your perfect wedding fantasy, try to get Tommy to marry Lydia. I'm sure she'll love the idea."

Angela scoffed and – disarmed – shook her head at her daughter. Jane had always been stubborn; way too stubborn. At times, she wondered how Maura could deal with it so perfectly.

"You didn't even announce it properly. No invitations sent, nothing."

The brunette bit the inside of her mouth to restrain a scream of frustration. Although her mother wasn't completely wrong on this. They had told her about it very matter-of-fact as they had grabbed a coffee at the One Division Cafe one morning then hurried back to work as if nothing had happened, nothing that deserved any importance whatsoever. Same for Korsak, Frost; their family. They hadn't made a big fuss of it.

"And what are you eating?"

Jane followed her mother's gaze that had stopped on a plate discarded on the coffee table. Nervous, she moved on the couch and fixed Maura's feet on her stomach. Anything to avoid Angela's eyes.

"A chocolate crepe..."

In a very loud silence, Angela shook her head and crossed her arms against her chest. She disapproved and was surprised to see that Maura didn't say anything herself considering the healthy diet the blonde used to follow on a daily basis.

"You've been gorging yourself on chocolate for months, now. And you don't even go running anymore. At this pace, you won't fit in any dress either next month!"

As much as she hadn't felt like taking part in this typical Rizzoli argument, Maura cleared her voice and stared at the empty plate near Jane.

"Dark chocolate contains a chemical that our bodies convert into phenylethylamine that is actually the same chemical secreted by your brain when we fall in love. That's why chocolate is comforting."

Unsure of how she was supposed to interpret such a fact, Jane shook her head at nobody but herself and looked up at her mother.

"Running gives me contractions. I don't feel fine when I run, and even less afterward. I'll go back to it as soon as I give birth, that you can be sure of. In the meantime..."

Angela growled – shook her head – and bit her lower lip.

"In the meantime, block your arteries. I don't know how you cope with my daughter, Maura. But you surely have to be considered as a martyr."

On these words, the woman turned on her heels and left; clipboard in hand. For long seconds, Jane did not move and stared at the door by which her mother had disappeared; wondering why she always had to go on her nerves so easily. Would her own child think alike about her within a few years?

Maura moved her feet, caressing discreetly her stomach and bringing her back to reality. Smiling at her, Jane grabbed her partner's ankle and lifted it in the air so the honey blonde could check the nail varnish.

"Do you like it?"

Her question got welcomed by a grin, soon followed by a soft kiss as Maura passed her legs around her waist to capture her lips.


	38. Maura's Own World

**_Author's note: thank you again for the reviews, I really like them!_  
**

**Chapter thirty-eight**

Jane passed the door of The Dirty Robber – cast a glance around – and smiled before heading to a table where a dozen of greeting cards had been left. She grabbed one of them and read out loud the message on it.

"_To our favorite badass homicide detective who'll be greatly missed._"

A smirk embraced her lips before she burst out laughing and shook her head at her colleagues standing by her side.

"Maternity leave isn't eternal, you know. I'll be back sooner than you can imagine."

Yet for the next month and a half, she wouldn't go to the BPD anymore; wouldn't investigate the mere case.

Instead, she would stay at home – give birth – and make her first steps as a mother. Swallowing hard, the brunette forced a smile. If she had never liked changes all in all, these ones scared her even more than the usual.

Accepting an alcohol free cocktail, she went to thank everyone; for the flowers, the cards and the light beers she wasn't eager to try. The party wasn't a complete surprise – Maura surely had a hard time not leaving hints here and there – but it was a nice attention, as a matter of fact.

And certainly not a baby shower.

While in full conversation with a few officers, Jane's eyes stopped on the honey blonde. Maura was in full talk a few feet away. Their gazes met, the detective smiled at her partner; thanking her in silence for the whole party.

Jane knew how life was tough with her yet Maura had been composing with her terrible temper like nobody else. She didn't even complain about her stubbornness and showed great patience instead. Perhaps it was the exact definition of soul mates: they didn't look like each other but completed each other, brought some balance to their unsteady existences. And it was sweet.

"Hey, Rizzoli! Wanna try the new pool?"

Billiard cue in hand, Korsak motioned at the back of the room. The brunette's mouth dropped open and – utterly surprised – she shook her head in disbelief.

"Of course it's when I leave that the pub gets a new toy..."

She was about to accept the cue stick that Frost tended her when Maura's voice in her back stopped her right in her tracks.

"Can I play?"

As usual, the honey blonde looked ecstatic. Interpreting the silence as an affirmation, she clapped her hands and grabbed the billiard cue that Frost was holding before walking towards the pool. Her hand slid on the green table where a eight-ball rack was settled in the center.

She paused – bit her lower lip – and cleared her voice before talking with a thick serious tone.

"Let's start this, now."

Before the whole BPD's uncertainty, Maura positioned herself – bent over – and with the dexterity that only highlighted solid billiard skills, aimed at the balls that bumped into each other; their peculiar sound getting the perfect echo in the pub.

Satisfied, the medical examiner straightened up – passed her thumb on the end of the stick before blowing on it – and looked in defiance at the incredulous officers.

"Stripes, I presume?"

...

Sat on the yoga mat, Jane made a face and reluctantly looked around her as couples were setting on the floor as well. The whole scene reminded her of some therapy session; if it weren't for the posters on the wall of pregnant women and messages about pain free labors. Sat next to her, an intimidated Maura did not say a word. Instead, she kept on twisting her hands nervously.

"I'm a zombie, Maur'. We shouldn't have signed in for the 9am class... Or at least not after my party at The Dirty Robber last night."

The honey blonde bit her lower lip – frowned – and nodded in silence at Jane. They hadn't come back home before the early hours of the morning and the alarm at 7.30 had been brutal. But they didn't have much of a choice. The detective had reached her eighth month of pregnancy and Lamaze classes were not optional anymore.

They had to attend some.

A blonde in her thirties arrived, with an energy that went on Jane's nerves immediately. Why did these instructors always have to look hyper-enthusiastic about the mere thing? Sighing loudly, the brunette rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth.

...

As much as the class didn't turn out as bad as she had imagined, Jane welcomed back the sunny streets of Beacon Hill an hour later as they left the center.

Without a word – hand in hand – they stopped by a deli to run a few errands before heading back home. But as the minutes were passing by, something set off in the brunette's mind; an odd feeling, a delicate one.

Maura hadn't said a word for a while and at every step they made, her features deepened in seriousness. They hadn't argued, though. Nothing special had happened. Yet Jane could sense that her partner wasn't fine and she didn't know what to say.

It is with great concern that the detective passed the door of their house and went to put down the brown paper bags on the kitchen counter – echoing the honey blonde's gesture – before staring at her; disarmed.

"What's happening, Maur'? What's wrong?"

Almost surprised by Jane's question, the scientist forced a smile before shaking her head; dismissing it all with a gesture of the hand.

"I... I am just tired. I think I will go lie down for a while if you don't mind."

And without waiting for any reply, Maura opened the door that led to the patio to go and settle there in the double hammock they had bought a few weeks earlier. A few seconds passed by during which Jane didn't move. Lost in her thoughts, she was staring blankly at the open door; the sun sliding on the floor through it. She didn't like it when her partner locked herself in her own world, plunging in a silent pain instead of expressing it out loud.

Shaking her head, Jane stepped out in the patio and stopped near the hammock. Maura was huddled – her back turned at her – and was staring at the wall in silence. Carefully, the brunette slid next to her and began to caress her partner's temple; sweetly, tenderly.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

The blonde finally turned around to face the detective. A soft – slightly mysterious – smile embraced her lips. The palm of her hand came to rest on Jane's stomach in a protective gesture. She shook her head.

"Because it is nothing... It is just about me. I... I am looking forward to finally being able to hold this baby in my arms; being able to finally interact with our child. It is just that, really. It can't come soon enough. I am looking forward to finally experience the whole thing."

It had struck her in the middle of the Lamaze class as she had observed the women around. She was the only one who wasn't pregnant; the only one who didn't know much how it felt, what it was like. And it would always be like that. The thought was there – everyday – somewhere in her mind but she sort of managed to live with it; to accept it. Perhaps she was simply tired and the Lamaze class had been a bit too close to all these things; this latent sorrow that would always lie deep down within herself.

Jane understood the message hidden behind the words she had said and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Holding her as tight as she could, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath; Maura's scent going dizzily to her head.

"Me too..."


	39. Whatever Happens During Maternity Leave

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews; I know I am repeating myself but I am very happy to get and read them!**_

**Chapter thirty-nine**

An interminable sound came to drag her out of her sleep – something she assimilated to an alarm first but she soon recognized as a cell phone ringing. Moaning, Jane rolled on her side and tended her arm towards the bedside table – eyes still closed – to grab the electronic device but Maura's voice stopped her halfway through.

"It's mine..."

A peaceful smile embraced the detective's lips as she heard her partner's hoarse voice somewhere by her side. The sheet rustled and in the dark, Maura took the call; sighing loudly as she rested her head back on the pillow.

"Dr. Isles..."

Playfully, Jane approached the scientist and passed an arm on her stomach as she rested a leg between hers. Her bare skin made contact with the honey blonde's; nourishing itself of the body warmth. They hadn't bothered to put on clothes after a sweet late night love making session and had fallen asleep in each other's arms probably four hours earlier or so. Barely.

The brunette planted a mischievous kiss on her partner's neck, eliciting a stifled sigh as Maura reacted to it instantly. Shutting her phone down, the blonde moved again before discarding her side of the bed blanket.

Jane felt cool air wrap up her naked body; something very brief that made her shiver.

"Suspicious death in Jamaica Bay."

Maura's whispers were getting lost in the darkness of their bedroom, sliding on her quiet movements. She stood up and headed blindly towards the armchair where her clothes had previously been folded just in case. She was on call. Her phone could ring at any moment of the night.

Like now.

As Jane was softly drifting off to sleep again, she felt the mattress move and soon a hot breath brushed her ear; Maura's hair tickling her jaw.

"I have to go."

The medical examiner's whisper came to die in a stolen kiss she planted on her partner's cheek but for once the brunette reacted fast in her half-asleep condition and tended her arms in front of her; her eyes still closed.

"Kiss... Wanna kiss..."

Maura's giggle made her smile but as soon as she felt the blonde's lips on hers, Jane wrapped her arms around her partner's neck and responded to the kiss before letting her go. It was odd to not be part of it anymore; these crazy schedules that had such a hold on your life. But in the middle of the night and a tad eager to fall asleep again, Jane didn't think much about it.

"Send me a message if you go straight to the BPD after it."

Bumping into a piece of furniture and mumbling a swearing word on her way out of the bedroom, the blonde nodded before whispering a last time by the affirmative.

…

Jane woke up around 9 to an empty bed, an empty house. But as promised, Maura had sent her a text message around 5. After replying to it, the brunette finally got up – put on a shirt – and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Television on, she watched the news absentmindedly while gulping down a bowl of cereals; Jo Friday on her lap.

For the first two days of her maternity leave, the detective had enjoyed her time off. After all, it kind of looked like vacations and who was to complain about some? But as she was reaching the end of such a pleasant week, the realization that it would last for a longer time started creeping in her mind and Jane wasn't sure that she liked it.

Plunging her dark eyes in the dog's, she bit her lower lip and rose a slightly desperate eyebrow.

"What am I gonna do, today?"

On Wednesday – after two days of not doing much but lying in the hammock of the patio to enjoy the sun – she had opened the cardboard boxes in the idea to assemble the nursery furniture. But as usual in such occasions, her enthusiasm had faded away when she had been surrounded by a wooden mess she could hardly understand and she had given up; preferring to wait for Maura to return and help her.

From then on, she had reduced her activities to an absolute zero.

Zapping through the networks, she stopped on a cop show but getting annoyed with the ridiculous way the screenwriters had developed the plot, she turned the television off and went upstairs for a shower.

Jo Friday followed her – barely casting a glance at Bass when they crossed the tortoise by the stairs – and stopped right at the entrance of the bedroom; not daring to go in. But as soon as Jane headed to the closet, the dog began to trot again behind her.

She was about to pick up some clothes when her gaze stopped on one of Maura's negligees abandoned on an armchair there. A silky one, purple. She had seen it more times that she could remember – had taken it off her partner's body over and over – but as she grabbed it and looked at herself in the mirror, Jane saw it differently. Without thinking it twice, she got rid of her own shirt and decided to try it. After all, it was a large piece of clothing. She shouldn't have any problem to put it on.

And she wondered what she looked like in such sexy lingerie.

Perhaps if she hadn't tried to adjust it, everything would have gone fine. Except as usual, she went too brutal and the sound of a ripped fabric made her freeze. In a mock of sheer horror, Jane looked at her reflection in the mirror; her mouth wide opened.

"Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit..."

Maura would kill her. If she hadn't said anything about the mess left behind in the nursery, things would be very different when it came to her clothes. Jane knew it. Making a face, the brunette studied the degree of the damage. Her breasts had obviously played a role in the disaster; she had underestimated the negligee capacity to let them fit in properly.

All of a sudden, the detective noticed a presence by her side. She looked down. Bass was observing her.

Good thing tortoises couldn't speak.

After such disastrous experience, Jane decided to stick to television and remorseful enough, waited for Maura to come back from work; still unsure of how to announce it to her partner. Her mind was clearly divided between a lie and another one when the honey blonde finally passed the door of the house.

Abandoning her bag near the couch where Jane was sat, Maura bent over to capture her partner's lips in a long awaited kiss. She sighed – took her stilettos off – and sat next to the brunette.

"How are you?"

Jane smiled. That was typical from the honey blonde. She had been up since the earliest hours of the morning – after quite a short night – but instead of complaining about her logical fatigue, she asked first how the others around her were doing.

Feeling immensely guilty for the negligee issue, Jane smiled timidly and shrugged. She had gorged herself on chocolate again and had basically got lost in a Desperate Housewives marathon on cable. Nothing glorious that deserved to be mentioned. Before her silence, Maura went for another kiss and stood up.

"I'm going to have a shower."

Panic immediately settled in Jane's head. Obviously if the medical examiner had left her negligee out on the armchair, it was because she wanted to wear it soon enough.

Except the piece of lingerie was now resting in a trash can; in the street. The brunette waited anxiously for her partner to come back in the living-room as a thousand excuses were dancing in her head. She couldn't tell Maura the truth. It was utterly ridiculous and shameful enough.

"Jane?"

Fifteen interminable minutes later, the honey blonde arrived in her yoga pants and a cotton shirt only to accept the glass of wine that the detective had poured for her. Touched by the gesture, Maura settled by her partner and cuddled against her.

"Yeah...?"

Her anxious tone of voice didn't pass unnoticed to the scientist who frowned – troubled – and shook her head before caressing the brunette's cheek tenderly.

"Are you sure you're okay? … Anyway, I was planning on going for some shopping tomorrow – for the wedding, you know – and I... I was wondering... I know you're tired and going from store to store isn't your cup of tea but would you like to come with me? My mother won't arrive in Boston before Tuesday, with my father, and I don't feel like going with Angela. I... I would like you to help me choose my dress. And perhaps we could find something for you as well."

The suggestion was sweet, cute. And after what had happened in the morning, Jane felt like she did not deserve such a treatment from her partner. Shopping had never been on her list of favorite things to do but the truth was that she needed some clothes for their wedding as well.

And giving in Maura's implicit request was the least she could do after having ruined her negligee.

"Sure...!"

With a bit of luck, they would stop by a lingerie store and the brunette would buy a brand new negligee for her partner without the honey blonde ever noticing the mysterious disappearance of the purple one.


	40. A Day To Remember

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews; just in case you are wondering, we are approaching the baby's birth.**_

**Chapter forty**

They hadn't stopped smiling since they had awoken a few hours earlier.

Now lying in the hammock, it was all about knowing looks – soft kisses – and quiet caresses in each other's arms. Perhaps they should have been stressed – running everywhere around – but the truth was that a serenity seemed to embrace them; pushing away the so-called importance of the day.

"Damn get a room, for Christ's sake!"

Tommy's remark interrupted another kiss – slightly bolder, maybe – and as both women looked up at him, they burst out laughing. Legs intertwined, their hands had been traveling along each other's body in a way one could eventually judge as too intimate for such a public place.

Rolling his eyes, the young man shook his head; sighed.

"And shouldn't you two be getting ready or something? Just in case you've forgotten, your wedding is scheduled for 1pm. It's... 11.30am."

Jane pouted at him while Maura settled in her neck. Obviously, none of them was eager to move away from the hammock. It was a sunny day – not too hot, just perfect – and cuddling around seemed a lot more appealing than going to the city hall for a brief ceremony.

"As long as our respective mothers don't start harassing us with this exact kind of remarks, we are just fine."

Maura's point got welcomed by an expression of incomprehension from Jane's brother. How come the control freak she was could be so calm and relaxed on such a special day in her life?

…

"Excuse me... Everyone? I would like... I would like to say a few words to the young married couple we have here, if you don't mind."

All of a sudden, the laughs and conversations stopped as everyone looked at Korsak who had left his plate to stand up in order to address the little crowd.

As planned, the ceremony had been short – sweet enough though – and everyone had headed to Boston Common for a picnic. Smiles melting into kind words; kisses and whispers.

Leaned against an old tree – in each other's arms – Jane and Maura were looking at him in surprise; a soft smile playing on their lips. Their white cotton dresses contrasting with the green of the grass. As Vince realized he had finally got people's attention, a veil of timidity seemed to spread on his face.

"Some people will tell you I'm an expert in marriage; others will disagree, for me having divorced way too many times already... But still. When it comes to others, some things appear clearly. Like for you... It's always been Maura and Jane, Jane and Maura. You've always been a pair, one of these that defies the ups and downs of life to strengthen even more and get engraved in the passing of time. Another... Kind of evidence that soul mates exist. You've been lucky enough to find each other. Cherish it."

Awkwardly – not really finding his words – the detective rose his glass of champagne to both women as a sincere smile slid on his lips; lighting up his features. Touched by the gesture, Maura pressed Jane's hand and turned around to look at her partner. Tears were making her dark eyes shine like diamonds.

The blonde caressed her cheek – getting full attention from the one she could consider now as her wife – and planted a long, soft kiss on her lips.

Everything was simple, evident. Clear. Just like this day at the park. The sky was blue and the sun was shining. People were happy. And it was exactly how Maura and Jane expected now their life to be.

…

Because of her pregnancy that was coming to an end, going away on vacations had been discarded for quite a few months already. As much as Jane didn't like it, she knew that they didn't have much of any choice about it. Besides, they needed to get ready for the baby; starting with the nursery, shopping. Yet she had assumed that it would be the same for her wedding.

No honey moon to the Bahamas or Hawaii. It would have to wait; if they ever did something at the end. After all, the next few years announced themselves rather full and child oriented.

It is thus with great surprise that by the end of the afternoon – while everyone was packing back plates and silverware – Maura told her that they weren't going to Beacon Hill. No matters the honey blonde's parents were there to visit. No matters everything. Giggling, Jane shook her head and looked around in confusion.

"Then where are you taking me?"

Smiling brightly, Maura shrugged and bit her lower lip. The effect of her announcement was delighting. It had picked up Jane's curiosity at its best.

"You'll see..."

Taken aback, the brunette nodded – said goodbye to their guests – and followed the medical examiner on the other side of the park. They hadn't even packed anything. Yet when Maura stopped in front of a very old palace, a thousand questions popped up in her head. Turning around to face her, the scientist shrugged and looked away.

"We can't leave very far... I can't take many days off as I want to be able to take them in September yet that doesn't mean we don't have to celebrate our wedding. So for the next forty-eight hours – if you're okay with it – this will be our new address."

Maura had booked the penthouse on the last floor – the one that overlooked Boston Common – with a fireplace in the main room and another one by the bed. It is only when the door got closed and that she lost herself in the view by the large windows that Jane managed to speak again; feeling the blonde pass her arms around her waist from behind.

"Maur'..."

She turned around to face her partner. As the Bostonian she was, the detective knew the prices of such place; how hard it was to even get a room, there. Yet Maura had managed to turn it in her favor; Lord knows how.

Just for them, for her whom the scientist knew how disappointed she was by her incapacity to leave the city because of her pregnancy.

"It's just a surprise... I hope you like it."

A smile echoed Maura's words, a smile that came to die against the honey blonde's lips as Jane bent over for a kiss. The baby kicked but none of them paid attention to it, lost as they were in the soft and quiet prelude of delicate caresses. The detective's hand disappeared in her partner's wavy hair, eliciting a sigh from the scientist. It had been such a long time since they had left their house if only for a short weekend; for some fresh air somewhere else.

A kiss after another – in a trail of clothes abandoned on the carpeted floor – they went to lie on the bed carried away by the softness of their caresses. Pictures had been taken – memorable laughs engraved in minds – and a thousand gazes exchanged during the day. _Their _day. Soon it would all belong to the past and memories nobody wanted to forget; settled in two identical wedding bands.

"I love you..."

Maura's whisper slid on Jane's lips as the honey blonde locked her eyes with the detective's; cupping her partner's face with her hands.

"You so deserve better than me, Maur'... I hope you know that. And I hope you'll forget that."

The medical examiner burst out laughing and shook her head before capturing Jane's lips in a new kiss; her words sliding on her partner's mouth.

"You're the best I could ever have."


	41. The Different Roles

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews, I hope you keep on enjoying the story!**_

**Chapter forty-one**

Maura had mentioned her. A couple of times at first – as if to test the water – and when she had noticed that her partner seemed to do just fine with it, she had spoken more freely about her.

Although when the woman passed the door of the Dirty Robber, Jane realized that the honey blonde hadn't said it all about the detective who temporarily replaced her.

Probably on purpose, as Jane's eyes scanned the tall – blonde – and athletic young detective whose eyes and smile seemed to work wonderfully on absolutely everyone. Besides, she was barely thirty-one.

Feeling suddenly old and fat, the brunette nonetheless tended a warm hand towards her substitute as the woman stopped by their table. Jane wouldn't play the jealous card – or at least not in public. But Rachel Mayfair surely did own the natural skills to make her feel insecure; about herself and her job.

The tall blonde was a good detective from what Maura had said. What if Cavanaugh saw in her what he could hardly get from Jane? All of a sudden, her future maternity was adopting a different shade - a tad troubling. Menacing.

What if once she returned from her maternity leave, she got relegated to paperwork? Rachel would get a promotion and the brunette would say goodbye to the homicide unit within a second.

Besides, why had Maura forgotten – intentionally or not – to say that her substitute was extremely good looking?

Trying to hide her brand new insecurities behind her burger – quietly accusing her hormones to cause such chaos in her head – Jane watched how her friends and colleagues interacted with Rachel. Had she already become invisible to them? Frost offered the blonde to stay at their table to share dinner but she declined and politely enough – with the elegance she had come in a few minutes earlier – left back the pub under the customers' attention.

"What does the nursery look like? Is it finished already?"

Korsak's question was genuine and kind yet Jane didn't appreciate it much. Would people now only talk to her about babies?

Chewing on a French fry, it took a while for her to reply; to formulate a sentence that wouldn't give away her latent jealousy. Maura finally turned out to be the fastest and enthusiastically, she nodded at him.

"Furniture are assembled – diapers and products are bought – and I can say that our child already has a quite impressive closet. Mainly kimono tops, though... But it is hard to buy any piece of clothing. The measures from the ultra-sound pictures are approximative."

...

"What is bothering you?"

Maura's voice in her back made her slightly jump of surprise. Absentmindedly, her fingers brushed one of the kimono tops. She found them cute, so tiny. Just like all the rest. From baby powder to the series of massage oils that the honey blonde had bought, Jane couldn't wait to use everything.

And to hold her child, finally see what he or she looked like.

Since her maternity leave, she had focused on it and nothing else. Subconsciously or not, she had made of it her top priority except she was only realizing it now and it seemed weird. Out of place.

In spite of the weekly dinners at the Dirty Robber with Maura and her colleagues, the BPD was slowly slipping through her fingers; taking its distance from her.

Rachel had made it clear a few hours earlier. For the very first time, the brunette had had no choice but to face the fact that she had managed to put her job aside with a disturbing easiness. And she hated that.

She turned around and looked at Maura leaned against the door frame of the nursery, arms crossed. The blonde seemed worried, a thin line tracing a path on her forehead that Jane wanted to delete immediately.

"You know I'll still be a detective, right? You know I don't want to be a housewife?"

The questions took the medical examiner aback. There was something very rhetorical in them, because the opposite had actually never even crossed her mind.

Jane loved her job – was passionate about it just as she was about forensic sciences – and she knew how her partner needed it. Her career would always have importance in her life, no mattered what.

And Maura actually liked that.

"Does it make of me a bad mother? So many women would kill to stay home and raise their kids when I don't... Am I normal? And yet... I am enjoying all this. Does it mean I've – somehow – ceased to be a detective?"

As if to accompany her words, Jane motioned at the nursery. After interminable hours of debate, they finally had decided to keep the walls white; with touches of soft gray and light wooden furniture around. She liked the result; the serenity that seemed to emanate from it. It was perfect. Now the only thing missing was the warmth and scent of their child sleeping peacefully in the crib.

"I guess it mostly means that you have now embraced the idea of motherhood as well. It is just a matter of balance between your personal life and your job. I don't think you will like it less once you go back to work."

Seeing how her words didn't find much resonance in her partner, Maura approached her and passed her arms around Jane's waist; her thumb playing with the fabric of the dress the brunette was wearing.

Life had simply gone on after their wedding. And as a matter of fact, they could hardly say that anything had changed. They were still the same but with a matching wedding band.

"There is nothing shameful on being eager to combine both. On the contrary. A woman who has a child doesn't turn out to be a mother and a mother only. She is just embracing different roles at the same time, everyday: the one of mother, the one of her job, the one of lover... You won't cease to be the person you are now just because you will have a child, that I am sure of."

Maura's words resounded true and fair in her head but Jane couldn't help feeling guilty nonetheless; as if torn between whatever her future would look like soon and the priorities she would make.

That she would _have _to make.

She didn't want to sacrifice her career for her child and yet if she didn't, wouldn't she feel like being a terrible mother?

"I'm not liking all these wonders."

And she had had many of them, lately; doubts slowly showing up as the days were passing by. Rachel had simply put a harsh light on them, earlier in the evening.

Without adding a word, Maura let her hands travel up her partner's arms before cupping her face. She leaned over in a quiet kiss; a comforting one. Smooth, warm. After a few seconds, Jane relaxed under the gesture and gave in; nourishing herself from the honey blonde's energy.

As they broke apart, a timid smile began to play on her lips.

"So I'm still allowed to think these kimono tops are cute without sounding too cheesy?"

Smirking, Maura made a step towards the small chest of drawers on top of which a few tops had been left. She grabbed one and unfolded it.

"They _are _cute. Besides, the cotton is organic. It is the Rolls Royce of baby clothing."

Obviously satisfied of her environmentally fashion remark, Maura smiled brightly and nodded as if to confirm what she had just said; kimono top spread on her chest. Jane rolled her eyes before her partner and her slight obsession for always picking what she saw as the best things around.

Who cared about the fabric? It would only fit for the first months and would – most of the time – end up with milk and other substances on it.

"At least there's neither Mickey Mouse nor Dora the Explorer on any of them."

The kimono tops were plain; white, purple and green. Probably the only fashion point she shared with Maura in the end: they both wanted something classic. Their child would never look like a sandwich man for a kids' tv network.

Jane swallowed hard at the thought.

Or at least not as long as she would be alive.


	42. Late Night Snack

_**Author's note: thank you again for your reviews...!**_

**Chapter forty-two**

The contact of Jane's tiptoes against her hip made her smile but didn't result enough for Maura to look up at her partner and abandon the proofreading of her notes.

Because of a car crash downtown Boston, the medical examiner had had a very long day at the morgue and had had no choice but to take some of her work at home to finish it in the latest hours of the evening.

Except what sounded like a real opportunity on the moment was slowly turning into a bitter torture, now.

She had only two days left before giving back her article to the science magazine and truth to be told, it was a bit short considering the amount of information she wanted to put in her writing. Jane sighed – as usual rather loudly when she wanted to be noticed – and turned the television off before standing up.

"The game is already over?"

Maura's innocent question made Jane scoff, from the kitchen counter where she had leaned on to pour herself a glass of water.

"No. But it's not funny when you're not watching it with me."

The remark finally got the honey blonde's attention. Looking up at the black screen in front of her – her mouth wide open to reply – the scientist shook her head before sending a gaze of reproach to Jane. If at times Maura found her partner's childish side cute enough, on other occasions it simply annoyed her.

A bit. A tiny bit.

"Well, I am sorry but tonight I just can't watch it. I need to finish the writing of this article. You know I am not asked everyday to bring my contribution to a world renowned science publication."

Mimicking the blonde's comment in a parodic way, Jane rolled her eyes before heading to the stairs in a mumble that highlighted nothing but her bad mood. It instantly made Maura feel guilty but she had not much of a choice.

With the amount of work at the BPD, she had to focus on this article once at home.

Biting her lower lip, she concentrated back on her notes; words dancing in front of her eyes. She was tired. Too tired for such a task. All of a sudden, a movement on the couch by her side took her aback. She hadn't expected Jane to come back downstairs with a book or her laptop. Usually, the brunette just slipped in bed once she had changed in her pajamas.

Maura turned her head around to make a comment to her partner when the view her eyes landed on had no effect but to stop her right in her tracks.

It wasn't a tank top and yoga pants that Jane was wearing but matching, black silk underwear that such very lascivious pose on the couch she had adopted highlighted in an explicit way. Amused, the blonde shook her head yet swallowed hard. Her partner did certainly not let her indifferent.

"Visual stimulation much? This is a very nice piece of lingerie. And speaking of lingerie, I can't find back my purple negligee; you know, the silky one."

Playfully, Jane's tiptoes came to caress Maura's thighs - stopping for a second as the blonde mentionned the disappearance of her negligee; going higher and higher every time. But soon bored, the detective sat up on her knees before pinning her partner under her; the scientist's head resting on the arm of the couch, against a couple of cushions.

"When you're thirsty, you drink something. When you're hungry, you have a bite. When you're horny, you bang someone."

Her improvised haiku elicited a smile on Maura's lips but it soon melted in a deep kiss as Jane leaned over to make full contact with her partner.

Her own boldness slightly surprised her; a verbal and physical one. Usually, it was the honey blonde who initiated these intimate moments and she just followed; eagerly enough.

But for some reason that evening, Jane was perfectly fine with the idea of leading the whole thing.

As she felt her partner react under her touch, the brunette finally abandoned Maura's lips to trace a path of kisses down her neck but soon she realized that she hadn't chosen the best place to do such a thing. The couch was too narrow and her stomach prevented her from moving properly. Determined to succeed, she kept on going down Maura's body until the medical examiner burst out laughing.

Jane stopped her kisses; looked up.

"What is it?"

Hand in front of her mouth, Maura tried to calm down her rear of laughter but it didn't work out much. After long seconds of internal fight against herself, she shook her head and shrugged at Jane in what looked like apologies.

"It is the way you are going down. You... You are breathless and crawling as if you were in the middle of some commando exercise."

Unsure of what she was supposed to do with such comment, Jane looked down at her position before biting her lower lip. Maura was right. Perhaps being almost nine-month pregnant, it wasn't the best position she could adopt right now.

"I can't even make love to you properly anymore... I'm fat and deformed. Apart from a baby, there's not much to take from this pregnancy."

Maura shook her head to sweep away such remark and as a mischievous smile embraced her lips, she stopped her gaze on Jane's breasts then rose a playful eyebrow.

"I can think about a thing or two, actually..."

The comment made Jane blush. The blonde's self-confidence in bed was always a great source of envy for the detective. Maura owned that carefree attitude that fascinated her. She couldn't be more different on this point.

"Let's move upstairs, then. This couch just doesn't do it anymore for me."

...

Chocolate syrup in hand, Maura turned around and restrained a gasp of surprise as she faced Angela in the kitchen of her house.

Instinctively – and forcing a smile – the honey blonde tightened her grip on the silk bathrobe she was wearing; way too aware that her partner's mother could easily guess that she was fully naked under it. Yet forgetting about her very messy hair.

"Late night snack!"

Conscious of the ridiculousness of her so-called excuse, Maura swallowed hard as Angela cast a glance at the notes abandoned on the coffee table by the couch; the way cushions had been discarded under a few suggestive movements before Jane and her had finally decided to pursue their activity up in their bedroom.

"I didn't know you liked junk food... Where is Jane? What is she doing?"

The silence that followed resounded loud. Dancing on her feet nervously, Maura passed her tongue over her lips and took a deep breath before letting the words come out with awkwardness.

"She is upstairs, lying down in bed."

Angela rose a perplexed eyebrow, well aware it was barely 9.30pm and that her daughter rarely went to bed so early. Her gaze stopped on the chocolate that the medical examiner was holding and she was about to reply when Jane's voice resounded loud from the first floor.

"Forget the whipped cream, Maur', and stick to the chocolate. But hurry up, please... I'm getting cold and mosquitos are going to devour me!"

The honey blonde's forced smile froze as a wave of deep embarrassment wrapped her up. Index in front of her lips, she frowned at Angela.

"If you will excuse me... I guess I have to go."

The scientist didn't wait for a reply from her partner's mother and passed by her in silence; trying to get distance with the disturbing – yet slightly funny when she thought about it – situation.

"Maura."

The blonde stopped and reluctantly turned around to look at Angela, leaned against the kitchen island. The woman pouted, shrugged.

"You forgot to take a spoon but I'm going to assume you don't need any for your... _Late night snack._"

Literally clutched now to her bathrobe, Maura let a nervous laugh pass her lips and – shaking her head – hurried upstairs; still glad that Jane didn't have to witness such slightly embarrassing scene.


	43. What I Want For My Child

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews; a pregnancy is a long process but we're getting there!**_

**Chapter forty-three**

Elizabeth Wells took her gloves off – the latex resounding loud in the examination room as it snapped against her hands – and offered an apologetic smile to Jane and Maura.

"I'm afraid your child is really enjoying the stay."

Jane rolled her eyes – groaned out of frustration – and let her head fall backwards against her arm. She had hoped for other kind of news; in spite of the cruel lack of contractions and any other sign that could have let her assume that the labor was imminent.

Like the last miles of a trip, the last days previous to the birth seemed to have slowed down; getting on her nerves more and more. Not that she was looking forward to the labor but she was just exhausted. It was hard, physically and emotionally. Passing a hand on her stomach, she bit her lower lip and did not say a word. The tears were there – on the edge of her eyes, hurting in her throat – but she didn't want to let them come out.

"Your cervix isn't open yet. Or at least not enough to suggest that it has started. Considering the weight of your baby and the fact you're due on the 14th, if by the 16th there's still no sign whatsoever, I guess we will have no choice but to induce labor."

The news crawled in her head – spread over – and soon enough, her heart reacted. Casting a glance at Maura whose face didn't hide much of a latent panic, Jane swallowed hard. It might have been odd but until now, she hadn't even thought about the surgical aspect of the birth; all the possibilities they might have to face at some point if it didn't go as planned. A c-section being part of them.

Slightly troubled, she sat up – got dressed – and left the hospital after listening carefully to the young physician's advices.

She felt defeated. As she passed the door of their Beacon Hill house and got rid of her shoes to head to the kitchen barefoot, Jane felt completely defeated; her partner's loud silence echoing her feelings.

One week was left before September, 14th. Seven days. Hopefully, it was enough time for things to adopt a drastic change of direction. Naturally.

"Physical activity tends to help and induce labor, you know. Perhaps you could do some cleaning."

Unsure if the honey blonde had been serious or had tried to insert an innuendo about housewife tasks, Jane turned around to face her but wrongly evaluated the distance between them both.

The medical examiner got hit by the brunette's stomach and lost her balance for a few seconds; made a few steps backwards. Utterly sorry, Jane bit her lower lip and shook her head; sweeping away a tear of frustration from her cheek.

"These things only work in these ridiculous lifetime movies I'm forced to watch everyday, Maur'. No... I'm going to bake a Smarties cake; a chocolate one."

The scientist blinked – frowned – then shook her head. She cast a brief glance around her as if to find the proper words she wanted to use and finally recognized her defeat.

"A Smarties cake? What is it?"

Jane was already taking out the different ingredients to settle them on the kitchen island – thanking in silence her latest craving for Smarties that pushed her to go out everyday to buy some – and shrugged very matter-of-factly.

"It's just a normal cake with Smarties on it. My mother used to bake it for our birthdays when we were kids."

A genuine smile slid on Maura's lips before she remembered that unfortunately, she had to work on a couple of things herself which would keep her away from the kitchen for the next hour.

She still had a few files to read before going back to work on the very next day. Reluctantly, she turned around to go and sit at her desk in the living-room. At least the smell of chocolate would go to her head dizzily and she still could speak to Jane in the meantime.

Lately, she had been craving for promiscuity to the point it had turned addicting.

...

Forty-five minutes later and glass of orange juice in hand, Maura froze as she saw the cake Jane put on the coffee table. With the Smarties, the detective had written a special message on top of the chocolate icing.

_For Maura_

The blonde was touched. If there was something that she had learned about her partner since they were a couple, it was the way the brunette didn't stop having nice – sweet – gestures of attention towards her. Not that she had imagined it any other way but the Jane who shared all these personal moments in her company had very little to do with the one she used to work with at the BPD.

"My mother never baked any birthday cake for me."

The scientist's confession floated with bitterness in the air, highlighting one more time all these regrets she held about her childhood; the singular relations she had with her parents even if lately her mother had made some efforts to change. All the things Jane had lived had merely been fantasies for Maura – quiet ones. Letting the chocolate melt in her mouth, she closed her eyes and smiled.

"We will bake one for Aly. Every year, for every one of her birthdays. And I don't care if at some point she finds it stupid. She will understand later how sweet the gesture had been."

Sat next to her on the couch, Jane smiled brightly and bent over to plant a soft kiss on Maura's lips; her thumb caressing her jaw. Besides the fact that she was herself immensely happy to be about to have a child, she knew what it meant for her partner; all the untold things that Maura kept inside.

With her plate settled on her stomach, the brunette licked the spoon covered with chocolate and rose a perplexed eyebrow.

"It can't explode, right?"

Confused by the sudden and mysterious question, Maura turned her face around to look at Jane before frowning and shaking her head.

"What are you talking about?"

Spoon in hand, the detective pointed at her rounded stomach on top of which the plate seemed to have found the perfect place to be left on.

"Today again, the other women at the hospital didn't have such a big one. What if mine explodes? Can it really happen? Like a ball that swells and swells... At some point, it explodes."

With her typical seriousness, the medical examiner shook her head while taking another spoonful of the chocolate cake.

"Human tissues are extremely elastic and your body is, anyway, conceived to bear such morphological changes. Now organs can explode; causes being multiple. But as far as I know, pregnancies have never made tissues crack open. Although indirectly, perhaps. There are some cases of..."

Hand in the air, Jane stopped her immediately. She wasn't sure to really feel like knowing whether such scenario was possible, in the end. Her constant back pain – urge to go to the bathroom every ten minutes – and her swollen articulations were enough to deal with.

"Forget what I asked. Really."

Grabbing a flyer she had abandoned on the couch among a pile of magazines, Jane turned towards her partner and grinned; eyes wide open. Obviously ecstatic.

"Instead, look what I found in the mail the other day: baseball camps for kids in Boston. It gotta be a sign, I tell you. I'm sure this mini-you will be terrif' on the field."

Maura made a face – stared at the brochure Jane was holding – and nodded with a lot less enthusiasm than her partner.

"Love springs eternal, Jane. Love springs eternal..."


	44. A Very Special Evening

_**Author's note: thank you again for the reviews... :)**_

**Chapter forty-four**

"What? Oh, come on! Look at you... You took all the extra pounds in your stomach. Your hips are just perfect, a bit curvy and it suits you very well. This dress fits you like nobody else. It even emphasizes your cleavage elegantly. At least recognize it."

With her typical childish pout, Jane caught Maura's gaze in the mirror and shrugged; not convinced by her partner's words. The dress did fit her – indeed – and with her police officer blouse worn as a jacket while her hair was up in a bun, the result was stylish; a lot better than what she would have looked like if she had still been able to wear her whole BPD outfit. She owed this fashion deviation to her pregnancy. For once, these nine months weren't entirely lost on her.

"I don't know, it's very..."

Ankle-length, the cotton dress covered most of her body yet emphasizing her curves that her pregnancy had embraced with a brand new femininity that she had a hard time dealing with. And in front of all of her colleagues, Jane knew that it would be harder. But it wasn't as if she had that much of a choice.

Nodding in silence, she turned around – smiled at Maura – and motioned at her that she was ready. If it went on, they would be late; although all in all, she wouldn't have minded to not go at all.

…

"Hey, Rizzoli! It's good to see you here. When are you due?"

The room was crowded – families, officers and relatives casually chatting before the ceremony to start – and as planned, it was strange for Jane to see her colleagues again.

Sure she had come to the BPD a few times since she had started her maternity leave but she hadn't had a chance to see everyone. Glass of fruit juice in hand, she rolled her eyes at the question and sighed loudly.

"Yesterday."

The officer frowned at her answer before chuckling. September 14th had come and gone, like any other day; nothing happening, no contraction whatsoever. Just as she feared it, on the very next day she would have no choice but to go to the hospital in order to induce labor.

The perspective of doing so stressed her out but as usual, she remained quiet about it and pretended that everything was alright.

"Anything to get a longer maternity leave, I see!"

Her colleague's remark made her laugh; not really heartily but it was still better than to burst into tears of frustration, especially in public. Her eyes scanned the room, looking for Maura. The scientist was in full talk with Susie Chang and a dozen of people from the lab.

She seemed relaxed, in her element - there - among the social gathering; years of experience talking.

Uncomfortable, Jane made a face and passed a soothing hand on her stomach. The skin was tensed and it hurt slightly. The baby weighed a lot, now. Too much for her to keep on carrying it. But she wouldn't go and sat; not until the rest of the guests did as well. Her pride was too strong to abdicate and let people understand that she was physically diminished.

"Have you tried camomile? It worked awesome on my partner when she reached the eighth month..."

The remark took her abruptly out of her daydream and surprised, she stared at Rachel who was now by her side; sipping on champagne. Jane hadn't had much of a chance to talk to her substitute until now.

"You have children?"

Although the question that had come to the brunette's mind was more about the fact Rachel seemed to live with a woman but since she had made it clear enough and it was basically none of Jane's business, she skipped that one. Smiling brightly, Rachel nodded and crossed her arms on her chest.

"I have three children: two boys and a girl."

The news took Jane aback. She hadn't imagined her substitute to have a family, even less a big one. She was young and looked more like the kind of woman who enjoyed the city nightlife than a Disney movie surrounded by kids in a suburban house.

As if she had read her mind, Rachel felt the urge to justify herself.

"Alice – my partner – is a preschool teacher. It was clear since the very beginning that we would have more than one child. It is your first one, right? We talked a bit about it with Maura."

The medical examiner chose this exact moment to join in the conversation. Discreetly, she brushed her partner's lower back to catch her attention and make sure that she was fine. To which Jane nodded with a timid smile. The detective was surprised to learn that the honey blonde had openly talked to someone. Not that she didn't like it but considering Maura's singular personality, it was still surprising.

Their conversation got interrupted suddenly as everyone got asked to sit down in order to finally start the ceremony. For days Jane had insisted to not go and make a speech but a member of her unit would receive an award for his efforts in the line of duty and as her superior, she had to say something.

As the first officers began to stand up to accept their award, the brunette lost herself in old memories; how a few years earlier she had been there herself, getting a medal for something she found unfair, not really deserved in the end. The uncomfortable feeling she had experienced by then slowly crawled back into her. She swallowed hard, her hands moist. The baby moved.

She wasn't fine.

"Homicide detective Jane Rizzoli."

At the sound of her name, she looked up and realized that people were staring at her; applauding her upcoming speech. She hadn't heard the introduction Cavanaugh had made for her, lost in this heavy reminiscence of a time she would have loved to forget once and for all.

Intimidated, she stood up – felt Maura's hand press her forearm, the same gesture as the one the blonde had made that evening a few years earlier – and walked reluctantly to the small stage.

She had always hated speeches, talking in front of a crowd like that. Somehow, she felt her insecurities show up back by then – all the ones she had hoped to belong to the past – as vulnerability wrapped her up. She didn't want these ceremonies; they didn't suit her. For her, working for the BPD meant doing a job in complete humility and anonymity.

Nodding politely at Cavanaugh, she turned back to the room and looked at the crowd of guests; sat at a few tables around. She knew all the faces, there; considered them as family. A unique bond that linked them all no mattered what.

Her gaze stopped on Maura and she thought about all the things they had gone through; what expected them from now on.

Taking a deep breath, Jane opened her mouth to start the speech she hadn't prepared when a funny sensation embraced her without any warning; something warm that nobody but herself could have noticed. She swallowed hard – clutched to the wooden desk – and threw a slightly desperate gaze to the crowd before stopping her eyes on Maura who began to frown; noticing something was wrong.

The detective had never felt so lonely in her life.

After long second, the brunette bent over – getting closer to the microphone – and cleared her voice; the noise resounding loud in the silent room. Forcing a smile, an embarrassed laugh filled the room before she finally spoke.

"My water broke."


	45. Yo-Yo Ma and the Others

_**Author's note: thank you very much again for all your reviews! Here we go for the chapter some of you were waiting...**_

**Chapter forty-five**

**9.45pm**

For the thousandth time, Maura scanned the room in silence before stopping her eyes on Jane. Making a face, she shook her head apologetically at her partner hidden under a pillow.

They had just arrived at the hospital and settled in a designated room for what would probably be the longest night of their life. Carefully, the medical examiner approached a hand from Jane but jumped backwards as the pillow got discarded in an brutal gesture.

"Why do I always have to live the most embarrassing moments ever? My water broke on stage, Maur'. On stage! And I ruined the only dress that suited me in the process..."

Glad that Jane recognized the piece of clothing was made for her, the honey blonde smiled softly at her partner and leaned against the edge of the bed.

"Nothing has been ruined, don't be worried. You only lost organic fluid. I will take it to the dry cleaner in the morning. But for the moment, let's focus on what brought us here. And... It is the perfect time for me to make you listen to the labor playlist I created!"

Way too enthusiastic, Maura grabbed her MP3 out of her bag and waved it at Jane.

Of course, she had created such a thing; only a nerd like the honey blonde could come up with this kind of idea. Trying to remain as calm and diplomatic as possible, the detective bit her lower lip and stared at the device with fear.

"There's no way I listen to Yo-Yo Ma for the next hours. No need to add pain to the one I'm going to go through naturally."

The scientist opened her mouth to reply but – defeated and guilty – she looked down at her MP3 before shrugging. Not that she had assumed that Jane would love the playlist but she had held hopes.

"Fine... It is okay. We will listen to Led Zeppelin if you prefer or no music at all if you aren't really in the mood. It is all about you, right now. And I am here to accompany you, to help you... Not to bother you with an American cellist. No matters how talented he can be. Now do you want some music and if so, what?"

Tapping nervously on her stomach, the brunette rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. As soon as she had announced that her water had broken, they had left the BPD and headed straight to the hospital. All in all, it had barely taken them twenty minutes but it already felt like an eternity.

"Alright... Wanna Yo-Yo Ma..."

Maura frowned, uncertain if her partner was joking or not. For some reason, she had a feeling that Jane would overuse sarcasm for the next hours and she would have a hard time herself to interpret all these comments.

Mumbling – as if embarrassed to recognize a few things – the detective bit her nails before rolling her eyes; shrugging.

"Yo-Yo Ma's quiet. Might be better than Led Zep' right now."

…

**11.45pm**

The beeps of the machine went on her nerves. They sounded like a video game that wouldn't stop and loud in the quietness of the night, they slightly but surely drove her crazy.

Rolling on her side, she cast a glance at Maura who was plunged in the reading of some medical essay. How could she manage to do such a thing, now? For the last two hours, Jane had been unable to focus on the mere thing for her being way too nervous; and scared, perhaps. After all, it was the first time she was about to give birth to a child.

"You should go and eat something, Maur'. Just because I can't doesn't mean you don't have to. Come on I'm sure you're starving. We haven't had dinner. It's not like you're gonna miss something... I don't even have contractions yet."

A first labor could take some time. As the midwife's words echoed in her head, Jane clenched her fists and took a deep breath; trying to remain calm. Everything was fine according to the last checkups and the baby was doing okay. For the moment. She knew that if things didn't change soon, they would have to induce labor one way or another.

Maura was about to reply when the bedroom door flew open and a well-known face appeared, followed by Angela and Frankie.

"Hey, ya look hot!"

Utterly confused, Jane stared in disbelief at the crowd gathered around her bed. This wasn't how she had planned to spend the night; not with half of her family and the neighborhood chatting above her like that.

"Giovanni...? What the hell are you doing here?"

His nephew had broken his arm and both of them were at the ER when he had seen Angela.

Of course.

Without saying a word – trying to ignore her mother's harassing questions about her condition – Jane looked at Maura and shook her head; on the verge of crying. She was tired – awfully nervous – and a family reunion was everything she wanted to avoid for the moment.

The music stopped; the playlist coming to an end. Without saying a word, the honey blonde focused on her MP3 to find another song to put on while Angela and Frankie were arguing over tv channels. When she looked up again, Jane's livid face troubled her. The brunette was perfectly still – focusing on a point right in front of her – without nobody to notice it. Immediately, Maura approached her and caressed her nape as gently as she could.

"Did you get one?"

Her voice had resounded low but it resulted enough for everyone to finally look down at Jane. Seconds passed by – long ones – before the detective to turn around and nod at her partner. She swallowed hard and whined.

"It hurts."

Perhaps she would reconsider her drug free labor decision, finally.

…

**7.30am**

"Not even eight hours... It's going fast. You're doing awesome, Jane. I guess we can start, now. Gonna tell my colleagues and we get ready."

The midwife's enthusiasm made her freeze and lay in bed, the brunette looked at Maura with fear.

She was exhausted – in pain as she had renounced to an epidural – and knowing that it was now only a matter of minutes made her a lot more anxious than the contractions and the absence of sleep. She was utterly scared; of everything. From the efforts she would have to make to the moment she would be holding a baby. _Their _baby.

She just wasn't ready.

"You are going to do just fine, don't be worried. I am here..."

Maura passed a hand through her partner's messy hair and planted a soft kiss on top of her head. At no moment had she left the room; not even to grab a sandwich. She had stayed by Jane's side all along as she had promised.

The medical staff arrived, gloves and masks on. How many times had they repeated the gesture during the night? Intimidated, Jane felt little in her bed; vulnerable.

"Contractions last more or less a minute. I'd like you to push twice, thirty seconds each. And as soon as I tell you to stop pushing, you do; no matters you feel it another way. Okay?"

Something shut in her brain. As she kept on following the nurses and midwife's orders, a whole series of memories rushed to her mind. Words, gestures, feelings. From the very first day she had met Maura to the way the honey blonde was now supporting her head; her thumb caressing soothingly her nape. Her voice resounding softly in a whirl of encouragements.

She had never been one to believe in fate for having too much of a Cartesian mind yet she did have to recognize that her life had only begun to make sense once she had met Maura. Everything had become evident, clear. Logical. And it had taken her in an unexpected whirl that carried her away with a unique delicacy.

She heard the cries and everything stopped; everything froze. Unable to move and barely catching the midwife's words announcing that it was a girl, her eyes landed on Maura who was standing by her side. The honey blonde seemed to be in shock, just like her; incapable of saying the slightest thing, her hand shaking against Jane's head.

A healthy – crying baby girl – got put down on the brunette's chest and for long seconds, Maura did not move; just blinked. As if she wasn't sure to understand what was happening.

"What's her name?"

The midwife's enthusiastic – full of life – voice made her jump and astounded, the honey blonde turned to her before clearing her trembling voice.

"Alessandra..."

Aly. It probably lasted a few seconds all in all but it seemed like an eternity in Maura's head. Shaking like a leaf, she found a way to grab Jane's hand and together they approached their intertwined fingers from the tiny human being moving on the brunette's chest vigorously.

Maura's view got blurred and soon enough, she felt the salt of tears embrace her lips. Realization was kicking in; slowly, strongly. Still unable to properly talk, she cast a glance at her partner and noticed how Jane found herself in the same state of tears and dizzying emotions.

"Then welcome to the world, Alessandra. Now I'm sorry but I need to take you back from your moms for a little while. Do you want to come with me, Maura? For the usual checkup and cleaning?"

The call of her name took the medical examiner out of her shocked state and she managed to shake her head; holding the detective's hand tighter.

"No, I... I want to stay with Jane until the end; until the delivery of the placenta. I... I..."

She was stuttering; looking blankly at the nurse – her fingers still burning from the scissors she had grabbed to cut the umbilical cord.

She didn't want to leave Jane. Nor Aly, for that matter. But anyway, she was just unable to make a step right now and walk properly. Clutched to the bed – to her partner – she needed time for her tears to dry and her emotions to settle down.


	46. What It Means

**Chapter forty-six**

Cuddled against Maura's chest, Aly didn't move; her eyes peacefully close, her tiny fist clenched near her cheek. For long seconds, Jane didn't say a word and observed the scene.

A new serenity seemed to embrace her partner's features; something soft and sweet that even the fatigue of the night hadn't really touched. Moving on the bed where the scientist had sat as well, the brunette frowned.

"How did you know it would be a girl? For someone who doesn't guess, you've always been so sure of yourself."

Maura chuckled – caressing her daughter's back in a quiet motion – as Jane's whisper finally broke the silence of the hospital room. Shrugging, she didn't break eye-contact with the newborn who seemed to enjoy the warmth that emanated from her body.

"Wishful thinking at first... Then it was obvious. You don't carry a boy as you carry a girl. The stomach is slightly different; the shape it takes after a while."

An amused smile played on Jane's lips and instead of replying, she passed a finger on Aly's fist; barely daring to caress it properly. She didn't want to wake her up. Another wave of emotions submerged her and she bit her lower lip; swallowed hard as if to restrain some tears. She hadn't slept but couldn't care less. She was fine, there; in bed. With Maura and their daughter.

The rest could wait.

"It's so weird..."

She didn't need to say more. The medical examiner nodded, giggling softly. As much as they had had a lot of time to get ready for this, the weight of their life change was still there. There was many things to embrace at once; a thousand feelings and all these responsibilities that seemed to come within. It would not be the same anymore, now. Never. The new page they were about to start had nothing to do with all the things they might have lived so far.

"I know."

With timidity, Maura looked up at Jane and smiled brightly before leaning over for a kiss. The contact of her partner's fingers against her waist made her shiver; sigh. But as they heard a tiny sound coming from the door, they broke apart and turned their face around only to see Angela appear. Soon followed by Constance. Her mother's presence took the honey blonde aback.

As much as she had called her a few hours earlier as soon as they had headed to the hospital, she hadn't expected her to be there so soon considering that she was in California for an exhibition. But it seemed like Constance had taken a red-eye flight. Touched, Maura felt the tears rush up to her eyes but with a strength she didn't know, the blonde swallowed them back immediately; replacing them with a grin.

Nobody but her and Constance knew what this moment meant; for both of them. Their relation might have never been perfect, they still had built a singular bond through the years. Something that nobody would ever understand. Especially regarding maternity.

With care, Maura gave back Aly to Jane and stood up before going to hug her mother. A very unusual gesture between them – not necessarily appreciated and encouraged – but the scientist didn't mind. She wanted it. Right now.

As she turned back to the bed, the honey blonde chuckled lightly at the scene. Angela was already in a full coercing attempt to take the baby in her arms but Jane kept on refusing. Finally renouncing to her fight, Angela rose her hands in defeat and rolled her eyes before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What's her name? You still haven't told us!"

Maura and Jane looked at each other – smiled – and finally focused on the newborn that the brunette was holding. The scientist cleared her voice; sat back on the bed next to her partner.

"This little girl sleeping here is Alessandra Rizzoli-Isles. She was born this morning at 8.02am..."

It struck her suddenly; without any warning. As the words hit the air and she looked down at the baby in Jane's arms. She had a daughter, someone she was responsible for. A human being that breathed and basically lived within a few inches from her, now.

She was a mother.

…

As Maura walked through the streets of Beacon Hill, wonders began to crawl in her mind. She had left the hospital reluctantly to finally go and change home – run a few errands – before going back to Jane and Aly. The day would be busy, and new. Different from all the previous ones she had lived.

Could people notice the change? All these passers-by she crossed, could they see she wasn't the same anymore? Her steps were full of self-confidence; her chin up in defiance. As it nothing could stop her.

She owned a new strength, one that had appeared as soon as she had seen her daughter on Jane's chest; crying.

Was it the way her own mother had felt when she had held her in her arms, such a long time ago? Was it what she had alluded to the last time they had met? _You fixed me. _Had Aly fixed her too? There was something different about her, something she could hardly explain or reach. Had her daughter soothed her pain, the latent one that had been burning until now even if quietly enough?

Uncertain, she shook her head and took a deep breath. It was a beautiful – sunny – day of September; still warm enough to feel the last hints of the summer. She had two weeks off she would spend with the people she loved the most: Jane and Aly. The rest could wait, or would come up by itself. As much as she was used to go and seek for hints, sometimes evidence appeared without nobody's help.

Perhaps it was the way it would work for her.

After a couple of hours in her quiet neighborhood, she found back the way to the hospital with a barely contained happiness. It was utterly stupid but as she passed the door of the bedroom and saw Jane there she realized how she had missed her during the time she was out.

Everybody had left and the brunette had finally fallen asleep; Aly being taken to the nursery to give a time off to the young mother. Quietly, Maura sat on an armchair and observed the detective. She had been perfect all along; strong and not complaining much about the pain she had gone through. Way more courageous than the scientist would ever be. With a timid hand, Maura brushed her partner's head and planted a kiss on top of it.

She didn't owe much to Jane but simply everything. Absolutely everything.

Her whole life.


	47. From Mother To Mother

**Chapter forty-seven**

The warmth of the sun woke her up, its rays sliding on her nape in a comforting way. Maura opened her eyes and scanned the living-room, trying desperately to ignore the mess they had left around since they had come back from the hospital. Diapers – kimono tops – and baby bottles were littering the place but she didn't mind much in the end. As a matter of fact, she loved it; for all the things it meant. Quietly, the honey blonde straightened up on the couch and looked at Jane.

Lay on the other side of the sofa, the brunette was sleeping peacefully; Maura's Paddington bear in her hand. Slightly confused, the scientist looked at the coffee table where the bassinet stood empty. Within a second, her heart began to beat faster and she swallowed hard as a wave of panic spread over her.

Breathing loud – restraining anxious tears – the medical examiner stood up and turned around, although not knowing what to do, where to go.

They had fallen asleep by accident once Aly had herself drifted off to sleep only a few minutes earlier. Unless hours had passed by already? Shaking like a leaf, Maura made a few steps towards the stairs but soon realized that it was ridiculous. Her daughter couldn't be upstairs. Completely lost, the scientist bit her lower lip and passed a hand through her hair. Her mouth was dry; her hands moist. Should she call the police?

Not knowing what to do anymore, she rushed to Jane and was about to wake her up when she realized that the door of the guest house was open ajar. Of course. Angela and Constance must have stopped by the living-room and seeing she and Jane were sleeping, they had taken Aly with them. It had to be it.

Without thinking it twice and letting Jane sleep, she crossed the patio and pushed the door of the little house. Her mother was there – sat on the couch – with Aly in her arms.

Relieved, Maura rolled her eyes and tried to calm down.

"She barely cries."

Arms crossed on her chest, Maura approached the couch and sat next to her mother. Her comment had been fair enough. Since they had come back from the hospital, Aly had been quiet. Peaceful. Constance smiled; her thumb caressing the baby's cheek.

"She is just like you. You didn't cry much, didn't ask much. She will have your temper."

Maura looked down, suddenly intimidated. Her mother rarely talked about this time; for now obvious reasons, since she had learned more about her past. The situation being unusual, the blonde didn't know how to react; what to say. Uncomfortable, she ended up nodding and passed a hand through Aly's dark hair. She couldn't say that the baby looked like Jane. Perhaps it was too early. Although she surely had the brunette's olive skin; and something in the eyes.

"Where is Angela?"

Constance finally looked up to lock her eyes with her daughter's. A peaceful smile was playing on her lips, the same one as the one she had had when she had come to visit Jane at the hospital a week earlier.

Maura had never assumed that she would embrace the idea of having a granddaughter so much, seeing how hard it had already been for the artist to lead the role of a mother.

"She left for work. Since Jane and you were sleeping on the couch, I decided to take Aly with me... You don't mind, I hope? Lord knows when I come back to Boston next. I will try, I promise."

Maura nodded, yet recognizing the bitter taste of an excuse her mother had used over and over through the years. It had always been the same. Some things would obviously never change, in the end.

"How do you feel, now?"

The question took the scientist aback. Since Aly and Jane had come back home, life had suddenly sped up its pace and between people stopping by to see the baby and the constant last-minute purchases at a deli nearby, she hadn't had much time to properly talk with her mother.

"When I got to hold you in my arms, something changed. Something happened within me. I can hardly explain it yet it was there. Do you feel it as well now that you have a daughter?"

Several times already, Maura had tried to analyze her feelings; the whirl of emotions she had landed in. But so far, she hadn't managed to draw a very precise conclusion. It all remained blurry, uncertain. Not knowing what to say, she shrugged and grabbed Aly's hand.

"The only sure thing is that it won't be the same anymore. Never. Yet I guess it will only be better. Ask me back in a few weeks, a few months maybe. It is too fresh, right now."

Perhaps Jane's baby blues was starting to weigh on her. Not that she regretted having a daughter – she did not, of course – but the change was so big that she might need some time to handle it properly.

"How is it going to be when we are back at work? I mean... Jane is on a maternity leave and I took two weeks off to be with her and Aly. But I might slightly fear the moment when we have to go back to the BPD. I don't know... It is... What if I am unable to handle it?"

This was new too, the way she managed to confide in her mother and tell her all the things that were going on through her head; her insecurities, her hopes. Her fears.

"It will work out by itself, you will see. Everything will come up naturally. Don't try to control all these things, Maura. You can't, anyway. You have to let life carry you, at times."

Quietly, the honey blonde asked to take her daughter in her arms. Constance agreed and smiled at the scene.

"It is strange to think that you have now a child. Yet it suits you very well. She will bring you peace..."

Aly moved and turned towards Maura's chest to settle there. At the end of Jane's pregnancy, the blonde had lost herself in wonders, questions without answers about how she would fit in. She hadn't carried the baby, Jane had. And on paper, it made of the brunette Aly's mother, leaving Maura to a very poorly defined role. But now that she was holding the new-born in her arms, the medical examiner felt fine, as if these doubts had disappeared. Jane and her had embraced the situation rather naturally.

And she was as much Aly's mother as her partner. It was clear.

"I don't want to go back to work..."

Constance burst out laughing and shook her head at her daughter's confession.

"Considering your temper and how dedicated you are to your job, I can assure you that you will be more than glad to find it back in two weeks. Trust me."

Unconvinced, Maura rose a dubious eyebrow and shrugged; focused on her daughter sleeping in her arms. Although if she had to be honest, she was eager to take Aly to the BPD and show her to absolutely everybody.


	48. A Matter Of Transition

**Chapter forty-eight**

"Oh. My. God."

Frost looked up from his computer and stared at his colleague with great confusion. Eyes on her gym bag, Jane looked horrified – slightly guilty – and panicked. With a shaking hand, she grabbed a cuddly toy out of it and winced.

"Aly's tortoise. If my daughter doesn't have her tortoise, it's gonna be Mayhem all day long."

How could have it happened? Maura had left for the office earlier, leaving to Jane the task to take their daughter to the childcare center. It was Aly's second day, there. And as the awful mother she was, the detective would make her live a nightmare for having kept the cuddly tortoise toy in her bag.

"Maura's gonna kill me."

Frost chuckled before hiding himself behind his computer screen as a frosty look from Jane welcomed his reaction. Biting her nail, the brunette frowned. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't leave the BPD like that. They weren't in the middle of a case but still. She was finally back from a long maternity leave and Cavanaugh was probably expecting other things from her than being focused on her daughter only.

"Ah... Shit."

Somehow defeated, Jane put back the cuddly toy in the gym bag and discarded it before sitting at her desk. The more she thought about it, the guiltier she was feeling.

"It's never too early to teach your kids how to take distance with these stupid things, anyway..."

Her own comment made her blush. Aly was barely seven weeks old. What did she have to know about autonomy and independence?

Besides and if she had to be honest, Jane didn't want her daughter to be less needy. No mattered it made her sound like her mother, she was secretly planning a conspiracy to keep it the way it was now. And that, as long as she would manage to do it.

It had been tough – the day before – when she had come back to the BPD for the first time. As much as she had kept on saying that it was all she wanted, an odd sentiment of loneliness had wrapped her up as she had sat to her desk and suddenly realized that Aly wasn't around.

Jane had missed everything. Every single element that had constituted her life for the past few weeks. From the unique baby smell to the odd routine of naps and feeding. She hadn't dared to talk about it – too afraid that it would make people laugh – but the feeling was nonetheless there; deep inside.

And she knew that she would need time to overcome it.

…

Something had changed. Since she had given birth to Aly, something had changed in her perception of the world. Except it wasn't as bad as she had assumed that it would be. It was just different, sharper. As if an invisible link connected her now to all the mothers she happened to meet all day long.

Sat in a corner at the One Division Cafe, Jane observed in silence a woman talking to her daughter at a table nearby. Their bond was obvious, and looked utterly natural. She didn't have that with Aly. Maura had. Whenever the honey blonde took their child in her arms, everything worked out. When she did, it was a complete failure.

"Aly doesn't hate me, right?"

Tea in hand, the medical examiner took a seat next to her partner and frowned at the question.

"Why would she hate you? You are her mother."

Unsure of a thousand things, Jane locked her eyes with the honey blonde's but remained quiet. Unable to properly talk, too afraid to cry. Perhaps she was still going under a hormonal waltz. She took a sip of her coffee and sighed loudly; the beverage giving her some courage to speak.

"She likes you more."

Instead of looking offended by such incongruous comment, Maura pouted – as if she were pondering Jane's words – and shrugged very matter-of-factly.

"That's because I don't forget her tortoise at home."

The brunette widened her eyes and swallowed hard. How had the scientist guessed, exactly? She hadn't told her about it and they hadn't crossed each other since Maura had left home in the morning. As if she were reading her mind, the blonde smiled warmly.

"They called me. Aly was a bit grumpy and they wanted to know if there was a reason for it."

Jane waved her hand apologetically then looked down at her mug of coffee. She was having a bad day. Facing her partner's reproaches was too much for the moment. But instead of "what ifs" and "I told you so", Maura simply laughed. Lightly, friendly.

"It's okay, Jane. Nobody died... Just like any change, it requires adaptation and organization."

For once, the medical examiner's wise words found fairness in her mind.

Motherhood was a big change and she needed time to find balance. It had nothing to do with maternity, with her pregnancy. She stood at another level now and it wasn't easy.

The customers she had observed left the cafe, hand in hand. Mother and daughter. There was something cute in the scene; something that warmed up Jane's heart. A ghost smile slid on her lips as she watched them pass the door and walk down the street.

"For your information, our daughter's tortoise isn't at home but here; in my gym bag... Well, now let's see if a gruesome murder is waiting for me upstairs. See you later, Maur'."

Jane stood up – winked at her partner – and headed towards the elevators. Her life might have changed a lot lately, she still had some references she could stick to; the BPD being one of them. Maura's smile another one.

It was just the beginning. In a few months, she would do just fine.

"Jane?"

The brunette stopped and turned around as her partner called her name. Arms crossed on her chest, the scientist passed her tongue over her lips and shrugged.

"Transitional objects allow newborns to find security outside of their home. It is pure affective security and nothing else... But it is also paramount that they learn, little by little, to grow self-confidence and take distance with them. Some children never feel the urge to have a cuddly toy. It is nothing but an extra need that one creates so all in all, I guess you have – involuntarily – helped your daughter to understand that it will be alright even if she doesn't have a tortoise by her side. Even though she is still young to really measure that."

Repressing the urge to make a remark about Maura's choice of words – who talked about transitional objects to refer to cuddly toys? - Jane smiled and nodded; rolled her eyes.

"Isn't Aly lucky to have me by her side..."


	49. You Will See In A Year

**Chapter forty-nine**

As her mother's hand approached Aly's stomach, Jane snapped it away and rolled her eyes.

"She. Is. Fine. What is it that you don't understand in this sentence? Her extremities are warm – so are her cheeks – and she interacts as she should. Besides with the oven on, it is like 100°F in this room."

Arms crossed on her chest in a sign of obvious disagreement, Angela pouted. Shook her head. For long seconds, she observed her daughter playing with Aly settled in her baby rocker on the floor.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli! We're on December, 25th. Do you know the temperatures, outside? And you dress your four-month old daughter with just a shirt and no socks. If she gets sick, don't blame anyone but yourself. And don't tell me I didn't warn you before..."

The brunette froze in the middle of a tickling session and looked at her daughter in her deep red v-neck shirt and pair of jeans, a red headband in the few hair she had with little cherries embroidered on it. She looked perfectly fine. Certainly not freezing. Even if she was barefoot.

"Keep your clothing complains for Maura. She's the one who dressed her this morning. Her cardigan is just there, on the couch. But for the moment she's moving around and doesn't need it. One more time, I tell you she's just fine."

Angela was about to protest when the front door opened and the medical examiner came in; a few bags from the deli in her arms. Immediately, Jane stood up and went to help her carry the groceries.

Maura's cheeks were red from the cold outside; her lips cool as the detective captured them in a soft kiss.

"Tell her. Tell my mother how Aly is just fine right now even if she doesn't wear socks."

Conscious to have interrupted some argument between Angela and Jane, the honey blonde put down a bag on the kitchen counter – looked at both women a bit desperately – and washed her hands.

Within a second, she had squatted down in front of her daughter. With her professional seriousness, she grabbed Aly's hand; rubbed her little feet. Caressed her cheek. And planted a kiss on top of the baby's head.

She turned her face to look at the women standing in the kitchen area.

"Her extremities are warm, so are her cheeks. She seems to be interacting well. I guess that everything is fine, Angela. Besides with the oven on, it is a lot warmer in the house right now."

The brunette clapped her hands in triumph and gave a satisfied smile to her mother who simply shook her head, shrugged.

"I see your merging is now complete: you've both used the exact same words within five minutes. Well, since everything is fine... Let's focus back on the cooking. There's only two hours left before everyone's coming."

Maura nodded but cast a reluctant glance at her daughter. The effervescence of Christmas had wrapped her up earlier in the morning and she hadn't had any chance to spend some time with Aly yet.

She was about to stand up when Jane's arms slid around her waist from behind; a kiss landing on her cheek.

"I'll take charge of the gnocchi, that's fine. Stay with the munchkin, Maur'."

Her whisper made the honey blonde smile. Shyly, the scientist nodded and settled on the floor in front of the baby rocker as Jane straightened up before bending over again, this time to talk to Aly.

"Look at you being the luckiest baby in the world... Two moms to play with you! Enjoy your time with science geek Mary Poppins over here while I go and try to not kill your grandma."

The remark didn't pass unnoticed to Angela who rolled her eyes and dismissed it with a shrug, focused on dosing flour in a glass.

…

"You'll see in a year, you'll see how time flies by and you'll already be regretting the past while looking back at all the things you'll have lived."

Discarding her napkin on the table, Maura smiled at Angela before looking at Jane who had settled Aly on her lap and was plunged in an intense conversation with the baby; showing her the gingerbread men she had grabbed from the Christmas tree. The scene was sweet, so sweet that the honey blonde wished she could have frozen it and remained there for a long time if not just eternity. Quietly, she scanned the table. Everyone was here, from her parents to Vince Korsak. A patchwork of people who formed what she defined as her family.

And her daughter...

"The knife, Jane. She's gonna grab the knife."

Angela's comment made Maura smile. Since she had become a grandmother, the matriarch had turned even more protective and annoying to Jane's eyes. But the brunette didn't need all these warnings, she was doing very well with Aly.

"Many things happen during the first year. Of course smart phones and digital cams make it easier to save up all these memories than the Polaroid we had way back then but still, I remember absolutely everything."

The remark took Maura aback. She hadn't expected such public confession from her father; hadn't even assumed that he had memories about her early childhood. Had she misjudged her parents so much that they had surprised her, lately? Her mother, first; who had slowly built up a brand new relation with her. And now her father, this eloquent and smart professor who didn't give much room to conversations that he judged superficial, pointless.

Timidity enveloped her and she smiled at him, blushing.

"I'm gonna make some coffee."

Angela stood up, soon followed by Maura who preferred to be in charge of such task. Her parents didn't like American coffee, even less instant one if Jane's mother ever decided to go with it.

As she prepared the coffee maker, the blonde looked at her partner interacting with their daughter; and her father, in full French lesson with Aly.

Against all expectations, the detective didn't seem bothered by the language barrier.

"I'm crossing my fingers so your respective phones don't ring, you know. I can't believe you're on call, today. The whole of you. The BPD knows nothing about family gatherings."

Angela took Maura out of her daydream. Without saying a word, the scientist nodded and focused back on the coffee. They hadn't been called yet – indeed – in spite of Christmas being a usual busy day for a homicide unit.

Perhaps it was a sign that this day had to be dedicated to her family and nothing else. It was snowing hard outside now and the perspective of icy roads and corpses didn't please her much. She wanted to stay home - talking with all these people - while cuddled against Jane, their daughter against them both.

"Keep all that in mind, Maura. This day, all these memories. You'll see in a year how sweet it'll be to think back about it."


	50. It Is Only The Beginning

**Chapter fifty**

As she saw them by the doors of the daycare center, Maura slowed down her pace and waved at them; a grin playing on her lips. Aly screamed of delight and began to kick the air with her legs, her own way to ask to be put down on the ground again. Jane did, holding her tiny hand. Except the toddler let go of it; determined to cross the distance that separated her from the medical examiner by herself. Precariously, the little girl made a step forward but soon enough her body began to lose its balance.

Opening her arms widely, she kept on screaming – delighted – her eyes focused on Maura who was waiting a couple of feet away. The blonde gave her daughter an appreciative nod, full of confidence.

"You come to me?"

Aly giggled, smiled. Showing her little teeth to Maura as she clenched her fists and tried to make a new step. Jane hadn't moved – waiting patiently behind the toddler, making sure she wouldn't fall down as it happened a lot lately during her fail attempts to properly walk – and remained quiet.

She watched how her partner squatted down and opened her arms, ready to welcome their daughter. People were passing by them on the sidewalk but she didn't mind much. They had all the time in the world or it did seem like to when she thought about it.

"Come on, Aly. Come to mommy!"

Focused – frowning just like Jane used to when she was thinking about something – the toddler bit her lower lip and lifted her right leg in the air before settling it back on the asphalt slightly ahead of her. She repeated the gesture, this time with her left leg. Unsteady steps, her very first ones. Yet she made it to Maura's arms under both women's astounded faces.

"Oh my God, she walked!"

As the honey blonde stood back up – holding Aly in her arms – she looked at her partner and smiled. It was safe to say that she had rarely seen Jane that much ecstatic about something. And proud.

The brunette came to her and planted a soft kiss on her lips; her hand slightly brushing Maura's forearm in the process.

They had talked over and over about the fear to not witness their daughter's first steps but fate had decided differently and after long weeks of fail attempts, Aly had finally succeeded. In front of them both. Right in the middle of a Beacon Hill street. On a beautiful day of August.

"I had told you that she would walk before turning one."

Jane laughed at the scientist's remark. She had – indeed – lost her bet but couldn't care less. TJ had walked at nine-month old. When they had reached this stage with Aly and that nothing had happened, she had not liked it much. If only from a ridiculous competitive spirit between siblings point of view. Pouting, she passed her arm under Maura's and began to walk down the street towards the coffee store where they used to stop by with Aly for a juice and pastries.

As they settled at a squared table outside with a few muffins, Maura took a file out of her bag and tended it to Jane.

"Here it is. Probably the first application form from a long a series... I was given several documents about the whole process, the way it works; from the very beginning to the end."

Aly on her lap, the detective grabbed the papers and looked at them with a sudden seriousness. Maura didn't say a word, just observed the whole scene; feeding herself from the mere detail that had importance to her eyes. Then for whatever reason, she remembered Angela's words from Christmas; nine months earlier.

"_You'll see in a year."_

What was left of Aly's newborn features? The person she was staring at now looked like a toddler already; a little girl who had just walked. Who had developed a rather strong temper and a stubbornness that reminding the honey blonde of Jane.

Within a year, everything had changed. She had learned to compose – to adapt herself – and to make a lot of compromises. She had become an expert in relieving a teething baby and would never ever again approach one of them without pulling her hair up first in a ponytail. She had relaxed as well before her partner's coolness; her odd experiments like the day she had put Aly in her baby rocker on Bass' shell to see if the tortoise didn't mind about going on a stroll around the living-room with their daughter.

She had a thousand memories, every one of them bringing warmth to her heart; making her smile.

"Tu en veux?"*

She tended a very tiny piece of muffin to Aly who eagerly grabbed it and chewed on it. If Chinese hadn't paid off much so far, at least French had been easier for her and her parents to teach.

Her cell phone vibrated. Immediately – out of an old automatism – she checked the message but didn't say to Jane immediately about the lab results Susie Chang had just sent her. That had changed as well, the way she handled her professional and personal life. There was a time for each and the less both got mixed, the better it was for everybody.

With care, Jane put down the papers on the table – took a deep breath – and grabbed Maura's hand to press it tightly as she locked her eyes with her partner's.

"It sounds good to me. Of course, I'll go through them with more attention tonight but... Let's do it, Maur'."

A timid – emotional – smile embraced the scientist's lips. They were about to take a very important decision although when she had a retrospective look at all the things they had gone through for the past two years – and when she saw Aly there, in Jane's arms – she knew that they would do just fine.

"If our file is accepted, the adoption process can officially start by December. And perhaps next year..."

Maura suspended her sentence only to look at Aly and address her.

"How would you like to have a little sister or a little brother?"

At some point in her life, Maura had assumed that she wasn't made for that; or better said – and before a tad obvious context – she had convinced herself that she wouldn't have a family. Children weren't her thing. But then a bet had changed her perspectives. Jane had ceased to just be a friend and an old desire had burnt again within her only to get harshly stopped by biological limits.

Perhaps it was the conclusion she should draw; how to never give up on dreams. No mattered how hard they seemed to reach.

She had a daughter, now. Was married. And hopefully soon enough, they would welcome a new member in their family. Such a scheme had never been what had driven her day after day but still.

Had Aly fixed her as Constance had told her once? She wasn't able to say but her daughter had surely done a lot, sweetened her whole life. Made it all look bright.

Bending over, she planted a peaceful kiss on top of the toddler's head before capturing Jane's lips. Aly hadn't solved everything but she was offering her new perspectives.

The End

_**Author's note: here comes the end of this very long story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Perhaps I will, one day, write a sequel in which Aly is a teenager... But for the moment, it is time for me to go towards a whole different plot that, I hope, you will appreciate as well. Thank you very much for all your reviews.**_

***"Do you want some?"**


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